Ok, I know
it’s not Monday and I’ve lost a week, but wanted to write something. So what’s
happened?
Well, I
basically scuppered myself up big time. Went out on Saturday and had a fab time
catching up at a works reunion and got rather drunk on vodka; actually I got
totally plastered on vodka. Woke up on Sunday with the usual hangover of
dehydration headache, light sensitive eyes and feeling sick so I locked myself
away in the bedroom, curled up under duvet and blanket with a large bottle of
water and a damp flannel on my forehead to sleep it off. I was sick once, but
that’s ok. Slept most of the day and on rising about 4pm, I managed to eat,
drink a cuppa and felt almost human again. Hoorah!
However,
Monday I awoke with the worst acid stomach I’ve had for a long, long time. Couldn’t
eat, couldn’t drink without getting the most awful pain of burning all the way
down throat and into tummy. Ouch, but my own fault. Thought, never mind, it’ll
be fine tomorrow; it wasn’t!! It was worse!! So had to let a friend down re a
cake I was supposed to be making and because I hadn’t eaten much in the previous
couple of days, I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep. Managed to drink sips
of water and ate a bowl of mashed potato and discovered that sipping milk eased
the pain a little. Stupid, stupid person! Hiatus Hernia definitely kicking in
and severely telling me off.
Wednesday I
had to get up and get C off to art class and luckily I wasn’t feeling too bad,
just very, very sick! Went up the chemist afterwards as I couldn’t take it any
longer and got myself some milk of magnesia (didn’t even know they made that
anymore) and dosed myself up with that for the rest of the day.
It’s now
Friday, I’m still feeling queasy, but at least I’m able to eat and drink now. Vodka
will be off the menu for a while and it’ll be seriously off the menu in large
quantities that’s for sure, in fact alcohol in general needs to be kept in small
doses as obviously I’m not able to deal with overdoing it anymore. Hey ho!
As to
everything else this week; no major moan ups as I've been out of picture for
most of the week although I did watch some TV prog where they said that
forgiveness is cathartic!! At the time this really naffed me off; so if someone
really hurts your feelings or betrays you, you should forgive them as it will
make you feel better! How? Basically, they can do what they like, get away with
it and you will feel better by forgiving them. Really? I know that you should “turn
the other cheek”, “don’t lower yourself to their level” and all that, but
really, should I just go “go ahead, do what you like, I won’t mind as I’ll
forgive you”? Sure, in small situations I would, but in bigger ones, i.e.,
betrayal of trust, I’m sorry, but I can’t and how many times should you before its
ok to say I don’t forgive you anymore. I’m not going to be treated like a
doormat and I feel that if I continuously forgive someone then that’s exactly
what I would be.
My mum, for
instance, told me on several occasions that she didn’t want me, told me that
she only had me for my dad’s sake and that I’d ruined her marriage. Now I’m
sorry, but I can’t forgive that. I may be able to understand to some extent why
she said that; it later transpired that she suffered depression off and on all
her life (as do I), but to say things like that to your child is unforgivable. I
suffer, as I’ve said, from depression, but I would never, ever dream of saying
anything like that to either of my kids as it isn’t true and, even if it was,
that isn’t fair or right!
So where do
you draw the line? When is it ok to say “do you know what, I don’t forgive you”?
When is it ok to actually say “that was hurtful, unforgivable and you’re a
complete arse! Get out of my life!” Or when is it ok to seek revenge? Because
sometimes that is incredible cathartic!
Cya
PS: No
sympathy is being asked for in any of the situations I’ve written about. The
first was self-inflicted and I deserved everything I got and the second is so
long ago now and said mother has passed away that, although not either
forgotten or forgiven, it’s not a problem anymore and I’m hopefully learning
from it in respect of raising my own children.
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