Okay, Mother’s Day today, so happy mother’s day to you all and I hope you have all had a good one!
I know that many of you out there will have spent your day with your family and mothers, grandmothers and possibly great grandmothers, but I had a perfectly quiet afternoon in front of the DVD player. My son and partner were in the house, but they left me alone. They know I love my movies and, because of home edding, it’s rare to be able to watch movies at a reasonable hour and to be able to watch ANY movie I like.
I had a film fest last Saturday when Callum went off to his friend’s and Phil pottered about the house and it was wonderful. So, when asked what I’d like, I replied “another movie afternoon please”. I know that neither Phil or Callum (or us as a whole to be honest) have a lot of money, so I didn’t want loads of things bought that would have cost a lot and I’d probably never use. My daughter bought me a fresh supply of skincare from Clinique which was ab fab as that is very expensive and I love the stuff. So thank you very much Terri. But as to P and C, I asked for a peaceful afternoon.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my partner and my son and I love home educating him and having him around, but the joy of spending some me time is a wonderful luxury too.
So, last week, I had an assassin weekend with Hitman and Leon with a bit of Lock Stock thrown in at the end. This weekend I fancied pure escape and went for alternative reality. Starting with Inception and followed by The Matrix. I do have a bit of a thing for this type of movie. I love the questions they raise; that whole “could this be real and reality not real” kind of thing. I’m not a great fan of Matrix 2 and 3, but the original is brilliant.
So, the questions are: has anyone had a dream within a dream? Also what is déjà vu? And do other people have dreams that are so real that they seem like an alternative life? If so, do you miss them when you awake?
I’ll answer them from my point of view in the order above.
Yes, I have had a dream within a dream and it was bloody freaky to be honest! I can’t remember what the original dream was about, but I know it was scary and I woke up! I turned over and said to my then boyfriend that I’d just had a bad dream and he turned to face me and started talking in this really awful voice, like he was possessed. I then woke up for real! I’ve never had one since and I never want to, but it was rather disturbing at the time.
What is déjà vu? Actually I can’t answer that one as I haven’t the foggiest, but I do remember having a very distinct case of it when on a school trip to the Cotswolds. I felt like I’d been down the street we were on before and I knew that there was a certain shop in the next one, but I also knew that I’d never been to the Cotswolds before. However, round the corner, there was the shop! Was that déjà vu or just luck or a case of previous life experience or a glitch in the matrix? I don’t know but it was very, very weird!
As to dreams being so real that they seem like alternative lives, I have those often. Consecutive dreams, like serial dreams, but a bit more disjointed and sometimes repeated. But they are very real. I can almost go into a dream from where I left off, but, as mentioned in Inception, I can’t remember where the dream originally starts from. It does always appear to be bang in the middle.
I rather like these dreams. They are escapist dreams; dreams where, even though everything might not be perfect, it is always resolvable, always ends up right. I’ve had extreme arguments and fights in these dreams, but they always turn out ok. Life is often extreme in them. Maybe they are moments that I’ve missed out on and my mind replays what might have happened. Some are completely bizarre and never make sense at all when awake, but make perfect sense whilst dreaming. And do I miss them when awake? Hell, yeah! I love dreaming! I love my life, but I love dreaming just as much. In fact, I love sleeping, haha.
Does that make me a bad person? I don’t think so. I think it makes me a patient person and probably keeps me sane (although some of you reading this might now think I’m completely mental). No matter what life throws at me, and believe me it can throw hard sometimes, I always know that at the end of the day the dreams will be waiting. I’ve solved problems in my dreams, I’ve had ideas and breakthroughs in my dreams and that has helped in the real world. And when all is said and done, who’s to say that the dreams aren’t real and this ‘awake’ life isn’t!
Happy dreaming!
Cya
Sunday, 3 April 2011
Thursday, 31 March 2011
TIME FOR A RANT!! SORRY!
Ok, I'm back! Was supposed to be going to an old work chum's house tonight to catch up and have a chat, but some imbecile/s decided to burglar her home today! Ransacked upstairs and took her jewellery and credit cards. Were obviously opportunists as they left the big stuff like XBox, TV, etc, not that that is any consolation!!
What is it with these people? What is it with this town? I received the free paper through the door this evening (News) and read through it while having a cuppa earlier on (before I knew about my friend).
The front page had a story about a man who'd run over a 10 yr old while drunk! He had his own 2 kids in the car with him, not strapped in, and was doing the school run!! Luckily the kid only suffered a broken foot, but that's beside the point! His excuse for drink driving: he was separated from his wife because she had been unfaithful and she'd asked for a divorce that day! Okay, I, perhaps, should feel sorry for him, but I don't!! If my partner had been 'unfaithful', I'd be bloody pissed off, not depressed. I'd be glad to see the back of him, not drowning my sorrows! AND, I would still have the decency to realise that I still had my kids to look after and be responsible for. Not only could he have killed the kid, but both his own too! Was she really, honestly worth that! I don't think anyone is!
Page 2 contained a story about a historic pub being burned down. It didn't mention arson, but buildings rarely spontaneously combust!
Page 3 had two stories. One about a man who'd threatened his wife (who'd left him) with a samurai sword and on his son-in-law managing to wrestle the sword away from him (the paper's words, not mine) he proceeded to say that he would be back to kill her with a shotgun!!! Another was about a 21yr old male who set light to a 14yr old schoolboy, hair and clothes, because he allegedly was after his iPod!
Page 4 there is a story about 2 men attacking someone in their own back garden. The victim's garden, not the assailant’s.
Page 5 is a story about conmen targeting the elderly.
Page 6 a story about a football supporter who caused trouble on a homeward bound bus being fined £80.
Page 7: Thieves stole £80,000 (yes you read that right) of heavy duty construction machinery.
Page 8: A landlord accused of fly tipping his tenant's possessions and a heroin addict being convicted of drugs possession.
Page 9: A school bus driver having intimate relations with a 13yr old girl (no details, but you get the idea) AND another heroin dealer being jailed.
Page 11 (page 10 was a full page advert), owner of dog who attacked kid is found guilty of having a Staffordshire Bull Terrier out of control.
Page 14: Two more stories - one man who broke into houses and stole handbags and jewellery and one about a woman who seems to have £8,000 which she cannot account for.
Beyond this the paper contains more ads, car pages, house pages and the classified section followed by the sports bits.
Looking over this, anyone would think we live in London or Birmingham or any other of the big cities, but we don't! The paper covers Chatham, Rochester, Gillingham, Rainham and Strood and you can walk from one end, Rainham, to the other, Strood, easily in a less than a day (to be honest you could probably do it in an afternoon). And this was the free paper; lord alone knows what's in the paying copy!
I've lived here all my life and I know it has always had its 'bad areas', everywhere does, but, and maybe it's because I'm getting old, it seems to be worse now than ever and it seems to be everywhere.
No-one has any respect for anyone else or anyone else's property. It seems now that whatever you want, you just go and take. If you want to get drunk and shout abuse at people, that's ok. If you want to walk around with dogs off leads that have lockjaw and you haven't trained them to do anything but breed or dogfight, that's ok too! And if your idiotic partner wants to spread themselves around, then it's ok for you to get blindingly drunk and then drive your kids to school!!
Oh well, I've had my rant, I'm off now to get blindingly drunk, shout abuse at my neighbours and set my dog on their cats. But that's all ok apparently!!
Cya
PS: Not really!! xxxx
PPS: Don't know what's happening with the formatting on this blog - but it's playing up big time!! Grrrrrr
What is it with these people? What is it with this town? I received the free paper through the door this evening (News) and read through it while having a cuppa earlier on (before I knew about my friend).
The front page had a story about a man who'd run over a 10 yr old while drunk! He had his own 2 kids in the car with him, not strapped in, and was doing the school run!! Luckily the kid only suffered a broken foot, but that's beside the point! His excuse for drink driving: he was separated from his wife because she had been unfaithful and she'd asked for a divorce that day! Okay, I, perhaps, should feel sorry for him, but I don't!! If my partner had been 'unfaithful', I'd be bloody pissed off, not depressed. I'd be glad to see the back of him, not drowning my sorrows! AND, I would still have the decency to realise that I still had my kids to look after and be responsible for. Not only could he have killed the kid, but both his own too! Was she really, honestly worth that! I don't think anyone is!
Page 2 contained a story about a historic pub being burned down. It didn't mention arson, but buildings rarely spontaneously combust!
Page 3 had two stories. One about a man who'd threatened his wife (who'd left him) with a samurai sword and on his son-in-law managing to wrestle the sword away from him (the paper's words, not mine) he proceeded to say that he would be back to kill her with a shotgun!!! Another was about a 21yr old male who set light to a 14yr old schoolboy, hair and clothes, because he allegedly was after his iPod!
Page 4 there is a story about 2 men attacking someone in their own back garden. The victim's garden, not the assailant’s.
Page 5 is a story about conmen targeting the elderly.
Page 6 a story about a football supporter who caused trouble on a homeward bound bus being fined £80.
Page 7: Thieves stole £80,000 (yes you read that right) of heavy duty construction machinery.
Page 8: A landlord accused of fly tipping his tenant's possessions and a heroin addict being convicted of drugs possession.
Page 9: A school bus driver having intimate relations with a 13yr old girl (no details, but you get the idea) AND another heroin dealer being jailed.
Page 11 (page 10 was a full page advert), owner of dog who attacked kid is found guilty of having a Staffordshire Bull Terrier out of control.
Page 14: Two more stories - one man who broke into houses and stole handbags and jewellery and one about a woman who seems to have £8,000 which she cannot account for.
Beyond this the paper contains more ads, car pages, house pages and the classified section followed by the sports bits.
Looking over this, anyone would think we live in London or Birmingham or any other of the big cities, but we don't! The paper covers Chatham, Rochester, Gillingham, Rainham and Strood and you can walk from one end, Rainham, to the other, Strood, easily in a less than a day (to be honest you could probably do it in an afternoon). And this was the free paper; lord alone knows what's in the paying copy!
I've lived here all my life and I know it has always had its 'bad areas', everywhere does, but, and maybe it's because I'm getting old, it seems to be worse now than ever and it seems to be everywhere.
No-one has any respect for anyone else or anyone else's property. It seems now that whatever you want, you just go and take. If you want to get drunk and shout abuse at people, that's ok. If you want to walk around with dogs off leads that have lockjaw and you haven't trained them to do anything but breed or dogfight, that's ok too! And if your idiotic partner wants to spread themselves around, then it's ok for you to get blindingly drunk and then drive your kids to school!!
Oh well, I've had my rant, I'm off now to get blindingly drunk, shout abuse at my neighbours and set my dog on their cats. But that's all ok apparently!!
Cya
PS: Not really!! xxxx
PPS: Don't know what's happening with the formatting on this blog - but it's playing up big time!! Grrrrrr
Sunday, 13 March 2011
5.30AM IS PRETTY, BUT NOT WHAT I WANT TO SEE
Well I can't sleep again!!! Don't know what is wrong with me, I'm normally the world's best sleeper, if patchy! Been back on the sofa this week as Phil bashing the bathroom to bits and the dust, etc, gets onto my chest and I wheeze all night! I experimented with sleeping on the sofa last time and found it comfy, so now that's what I do when he takes a week off to DIY.
However, this week I've not been able to sleep as well. Been snuggling down about 11pm (which is a little early for me) and going off to sleep fine, but then I'm waking up about 3am and I'm wide awake!!!! It's not daylight as that isn't happening until now, as I write, so I have no idea why! Some nights I've just played on my DS for an hour and managed to get back to sleep, but I'm still waking at 7.30am! I'm never awake at 7.30am! The other night I slept for about 4hrs, was awake for 2hrs, slept for a further 2.5hrs and was then awake! It's driving me mad!
I've been really busy too. Been attempting to keep house dust free downstairs, been out and about and been working in the garden, so I should be knackered! But NO!
I gave up this morning after being awake at 3.30am and tossing and turning until 4.30! I got up and made a cuppa and checked out Facebook which is a bit quiet at that time of day needless to say, but got my games done, haha. Am now watching the sun come up outside while typing this and wondering whether it's worth going back to see if I can get some sleep! I have so much to do today that it probably isn't worth it as I know I'll feel worse later, but I'm visiting a friend this afternoon and don't want to end up dozing off on her!
So, what to do next! Can't put the washing on as my machine is on it's way out and is extremely noisy and can't tidy up either as that's too noisy and I don't want Callum up just yet! Might go watch TV on low, might read my book, might do something else, but I have at least 2 more hrs to kill before C is up and about and that seems like a really long time to be doing 'nothing'!
Oh well, let's go put the kettle on again and see if I can get inspired! At least with the daylight arriving I no longer have to walk around the house with a torch, haha.
Cya
However, this week I've not been able to sleep as well. Been snuggling down about 11pm (which is a little early for me) and going off to sleep fine, but then I'm waking up about 3am and I'm wide awake!!!! It's not daylight as that isn't happening until now, as I write, so I have no idea why! Some nights I've just played on my DS for an hour and managed to get back to sleep, but I'm still waking at 7.30am! I'm never awake at 7.30am! The other night I slept for about 4hrs, was awake for 2hrs, slept for a further 2.5hrs and was then awake! It's driving me mad!
I've been really busy too. Been attempting to keep house dust free downstairs, been out and about and been working in the garden, so I should be knackered! But NO!
I gave up this morning after being awake at 3.30am and tossing and turning until 4.30! I got up and made a cuppa and checked out Facebook which is a bit quiet at that time of day needless to say, but got my games done, haha. Am now watching the sun come up outside while typing this and wondering whether it's worth going back to see if I can get some sleep! I have so much to do today that it probably isn't worth it as I know I'll feel worse later, but I'm visiting a friend this afternoon and don't want to end up dozing off on her!
So, what to do next! Can't put the washing on as my machine is on it's way out and is extremely noisy and can't tidy up either as that's too noisy and I don't want Callum up just yet! Might go watch TV on low, might read my book, might do something else, but I have at least 2 more hrs to kill before C is up and about and that seems like a really long time to be doing 'nothing'!
Oh well, let's go put the kettle on again and see if I can get inspired! At least with the daylight arriving I no longer have to walk around the house with a torch, haha.
Cya
Friday, 11 March 2011
I'M STILL ALIVE!!!
Hello all, well those that might still be reading/waiting for a post!
I am still alive, I just haven't really a) had time, b) had the inclination and c) had a computer that wasn't playing up!!!
Anyway, I'm back now! Have new computer which has taken me a few weeks to find my way around and at least another week to find all my favourties again. But I've got/am getting there!
What has been happening? Well, January we were all ill!! And I mean we were ill. I had the worst cold I've ever had. Lasted weeks and I felt soooo drained, all I wanted to do was curl up on the sofa and sleep. I ended up going to the docs, which I never do for a cold, but he only said 'rest, drink fluids and if not cleared in a couple of days, we'll do a blood test'. Well a couple of days went by and I started to feel ok, then a couple of days later I felt crap again and this went over for another couple of weeks. Needless to say I couldn't be bothered to go back to docs and just let nature take its course. Callum wasn't brilliant either, but he wasn't as bad. But now has had a cough for about two weeks. And as all the adverts on billboards are saying after 3 weeks, go see a doc, that's what I'll be doing if there is no improvement by next Friday. Luckily he seems ok in himself, just gets very tired!
On the plus side, my bedroom walls have been knocked back to brickwork and replastered so the evidence of turning 2 beds and a corridor back into a 1 large bedroom is not there and I don't have a gaping hole at the fireplace! New ceiling, but not plastered. AND P has started on the bathroom as well (which is off the bedroom), so now have old toilet, old bath, no sink and 1 wall half tiled + new ceiling (insulated) which has been plastered! Go Phil!!!!! ;-)
AND, yes there is another 'and', I've been out in the garden and making a start on getting it sorted out AGAIN!! As there is now no longer a dog trying to gain access to the garden and kill everyone (actually there is nothing at the moment, which is still a little daunting) I can hopefully enjoy my garden and get it to how I want! The aim is a nice peaceful oasis for medicinal plants and wildlife encouraging plants too with a small pond and stream if I'm lucky! Will take a while as I want trees too, but am not aiming to move in the near future unless I get surrounded by unsavouries that is!
The only other thing I've done and this was a bit mouth before brain! I've joined a Crafters Group and am now committed to make 5 things for 5 people before end October. Now that seems ok, but I haven't done any major crafting for ages, so it could be interesting and I could end up running about like a headless chicken at the beginning of October with nothing done! Hey ho, that'll teach me! Especially as I'm already knitting a jumper for my daughter!
Right, that's all I'm doing today! I just wanted to catch up and fill in the gaps. Am hoping that now I'm back on here I can do some more regular posts, but I've said that before without success, hehe!
Cya
I am still alive, I just haven't really a) had time, b) had the inclination and c) had a computer that wasn't playing up!!!
Anyway, I'm back now! Have new computer which has taken me a few weeks to find my way around and at least another week to find all my favourties again. But I've got/am getting there!
What has been happening? Well, January we were all ill!! And I mean we were ill. I had the worst cold I've ever had. Lasted weeks and I felt soooo drained, all I wanted to do was curl up on the sofa and sleep. I ended up going to the docs, which I never do for a cold, but he only said 'rest, drink fluids and if not cleared in a couple of days, we'll do a blood test'. Well a couple of days went by and I started to feel ok, then a couple of days later I felt crap again and this went over for another couple of weeks. Needless to say I couldn't be bothered to go back to docs and just let nature take its course. Callum wasn't brilliant either, but he wasn't as bad. But now has had a cough for about two weeks. And as all the adverts on billboards are saying after 3 weeks, go see a doc, that's what I'll be doing if there is no improvement by next Friday. Luckily he seems ok in himself, just gets very tired!
On the plus side, my bedroom walls have been knocked back to brickwork and replastered so the evidence of turning 2 beds and a corridor back into a 1 large bedroom is not there and I don't have a gaping hole at the fireplace! New ceiling, but not plastered. AND P has started on the bathroom as well (which is off the bedroom), so now have old toilet, old bath, no sink and 1 wall half tiled + new ceiling (insulated) which has been plastered! Go Phil!!!!! ;-)
AND, yes there is another 'and', I've been out in the garden and making a start on getting it sorted out AGAIN!! As there is now no longer a dog trying to gain access to the garden and kill everyone (actually there is nothing at the moment, which is still a little daunting) I can hopefully enjoy my garden and get it to how I want! The aim is a nice peaceful oasis for medicinal plants and wildlife encouraging plants too with a small pond and stream if I'm lucky! Will take a while as I want trees too, but am not aiming to move in the near future unless I get surrounded by unsavouries that is!
The only other thing I've done and this was a bit mouth before brain! I've joined a Crafters Group and am now committed to make 5 things for 5 people before end October. Now that seems ok, but I haven't done any major crafting for ages, so it could be interesting and I could end up running about like a headless chicken at the beginning of October with nothing done! Hey ho, that'll teach me! Especially as I'm already knitting a jumper for my daughter!
Right, that's all I'm doing today! I just wanted to catch up and fill in the gaps. Am hoping that now I'm back on here I can do some more regular posts, but I've said that before without success, hehe!
Cya
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
BAH HUMBUG (OR THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST)
Hi, hopefully this is just a quick one, but who knows with me - haha.
Been so busy with the run up to Christmas and general stuff that I haven't posted anything for ages. But then again, haven't really had much I've wanted to write about to be honest.
Anyway, Christmas is now over for another year and I'm already starting on next year's in the sales. Like to see if I can get some decent birthday presents in them too. So 1/2 doz birthday presents are now done and about the same of Christmas 2011, plus all the cards and wrapping paper bought too! One satisfied and rather smug lady later curled up on sofa with a glass of fizz!
Anyway, back to thoughts. Does anyone else feel that there is loads of hard work, planning, organising, stress, cooking, build up and whatever else you can think of in the run up to Christmas (which I may add takes me months as I make all the cakes, puddings, etc too) and then the day is over in, well, minutes really. Once the kids have opened their presents and dinner is eaten, it kind of feels a bit flat! And by Boxing Day I'm ready to take down the decorations, put away the presents and get back to normal.
Some may argue that it's because I'm not religious so I don't 'get' the meaning of Christmas, but that's, well, pants really. I do Winter Solstice on 21st/22nd December, so I've done my 'religious' bit a few days beforehand. And, even though I'm not religious in the Christian sense of the word, I do like a good carol service. I did my Shoeboxes for Charity, but they are delivered in late November, so that doesn't add to my Xmassy feeling either. I always have people round (we had 6 for dinner this year) and I did the trampolining group Xmas party, so I feel that I've done the entertaining bit as well and my son has managed to get pretty much all of what was on his list (admittedly his list isn't that long in comparison to a lot of kids and I always buy him a couple of extra bits on top - I do mean a couple too, not dozens more), so he's been catered for and is extremely happy. But me, I'm just not that into it any more. This year I didn't get any Christmassy fuzzy feeling until Christmas Eve and that had all gone by about 7.30pm on Christmas Day. Am I becoming Scrooge in my old age?
I would dearly love to be able to leave everything to the last minute; stick the decorations up Christmas Eve (or maybe 21st December as I have a real tree anyway, so would fit in nicely with the Solstice) and rush around like a headless chicken for the two days and then chill out in preparation for New Year, but I know I can't do that. Even now, with months of organising, I still have the last week stress attack. Perhaps that's the problem. Christmas has become too much for me! Some would say it's because it's too commercial nowadays. Some, ie my partner, say I expect too much of myself in the search for the perfect day. Some would say that the kids expect too much and therefore there is too much strain on the wallet.
However, I have another theory! I honestly believe that Christmas is for children and children only. I used to adore Christmas when I was little. It was the same every year. Up early(ish) on the day with my stocking in my bedroom (Callum still has that now), then presents downstairs before going to my Aunt's house for dinner and more presents. Then Boxing Day my other 2 Aunts would come to us for tea. I loved it! But now, looking back, I can see that for my parents and especially my mum it would have been a nightmare of stress, organising, travelling, present buying, food shopping, etc, etc. In other words exactly like my Christmases are now!
I used to always go to my mum's for Christmas or she and dad would come to me. Once I had my daughter that stopped as I wanted Christmas Day just for us as a family without having to drag my daughter away from her toys on the Day. I then saw mum and dad on Boxing Day. I thought my mum would be upset, but I remember her saying that she was pleased and that now she could dispense with all the hassle. When my dad died, she went one step further and decorated her pot plant rather than a tree and had burgers and chips for dinner because that was her favourite. At the time it seemed weird, but now I can totally see her point. Can you?
Christmas is great when you are little; when presents appear from nowhere and people arrive to eat, drink and be merry. It's great when you are in your teens when you can go out with your mates, buy them drinks instead of presents and crawl, hungover, to mum's on the day. But when you are a parent, especially as you get older, it becomes more and more like hard work and less and less enjoyable.
Don't get me wrong, I still love Christmas. Honest, I do! I love watching people open their presents; I love giving people food and having their company, but that enjoyment is shorter lived now. It is the day and the day only. The time before is stressful and the time after is seen through an exhausted haze, but I wouldn't change it. I'm just wondering if I'm the only one. Bah Humbug!
Been so busy with the run up to Christmas and general stuff that I haven't posted anything for ages. But then again, haven't really had much I've wanted to write about to be honest.
Anyway, Christmas is now over for another year and I'm already starting on next year's in the sales. Like to see if I can get some decent birthday presents in them too. So 1/2 doz birthday presents are now done and about the same of Christmas 2011, plus all the cards and wrapping paper bought too! One satisfied and rather smug lady later curled up on sofa with a glass of fizz!
Anyway, back to thoughts. Does anyone else feel that there is loads of hard work, planning, organising, stress, cooking, build up and whatever else you can think of in the run up to Christmas (which I may add takes me months as I make all the cakes, puddings, etc too) and then the day is over in, well, minutes really. Once the kids have opened their presents and dinner is eaten, it kind of feels a bit flat! And by Boxing Day I'm ready to take down the decorations, put away the presents and get back to normal.
Some may argue that it's because I'm not religious so I don't 'get' the meaning of Christmas, but that's, well, pants really. I do Winter Solstice on 21st/22nd December, so I've done my 'religious' bit a few days beforehand. And, even though I'm not religious in the Christian sense of the word, I do like a good carol service. I did my Shoeboxes for Charity, but they are delivered in late November, so that doesn't add to my Xmassy feeling either. I always have people round (we had 6 for dinner this year) and I did the trampolining group Xmas party, so I feel that I've done the entertaining bit as well and my son has managed to get pretty much all of what was on his list (admittedly his list isn't that long in comparison to a lot of kids and I always buy him a couple of extra bits on top - I do mean a couple too, not dozens more), so he's been catered for and is extremely happy. But me, I'm just not that into it any more. This year I didn't get any Christmassy fuzzy feeling until Christmas Eve and that had all gone by about 7.30pm on Christmas Day. Am I becoming Scrooge in my old age?
I would dearly love to be able to leave everything to the last minute; stick the decorations up Christmas Eve (or maybe 21st December as I have a real tree anyway, so would fit in nicely with the Solstice) and rush around like a headless chicken for the two days and then chill out in preparation for New Year, but I know I can't do that. Even now, with months of organising, I still have the last week stress attack. Perhaps that's the problem. Christmas has become too much for me! Some would say it's because it's too commercial nowadays. Some, ie my partner, say I expect too much of myself in the search for the perfect day. Some would say that the kids expect too much and therefore there is too much strain on the wallet.
However, I have another theory! I honestly believe that Christmas is for children and children only. I used to adore Christmas when I was little. It was the same every year. Up early(ish) on the day with my stocking in my bedroom (Callum still has that now), then presents downstairs before going to my Aunt's house for dinner and more presents. Then Boxing Day my other 2 Aunts would come to us for tea. I loved it! But now, looking back, I can see that for my parents and especially my mum it would have been a nightmare of stress, organising, travelling, present buying, food shopping, etc, etc. In other words exactly like my Christmases are now!
I used to always go to my mum's for Christmas or she and dad would come to me. Once I had my daughter that stopped as I wanted Christmas Day just for us as a family without having to drag my daughter away from her toys on the Day. I then saw mum and dad on Boxing Day. I thought my mum would be upset, but I remember her saying that she was pleased and that now she could dispense with all the hassle. When my dad died, she went one step further and decorated her pot plant rather than a tree and had burgers and chips for dinner because that was her favourite. At the time it seemed weird, but now I can totally see her point. Can you?
Christmas is great when you are little; when presents appear from nowhere and people arrive to eat, drink and be merry. It's great when you are in your teens when you can go out with your mates, buy them drinks instead of presents and crawl, hungover, to mum's on the day. But when you are a parent, especially as you get older, it becomes more and more like hard work and less and less enjoyable.
Don't get me wrong, I still love Christmas. Honest, I do! I love watching people open their presents; I love giving people food and having their company, but that enjoyment is shorter lived now. It is the day and the day only. The time before is stressful and the time after is seen through an exhausted haze, but I wouldn't change it. I'm just wondering if I'm the only one. Bah Humbug!
Sunday, 14 November 2010
Hello all
Time to write this one now. I'm not going to go into all the Halloween stuff again, you can read that on my other blog: http://sajasper.blogspot.com/
I'm not going to go into Top Gear Live either as you can read about that there too! Well, from Callum's point of view and mine from the point of view of upgrading tickets.
So what am I going to write about? Actually, I'm not entirely sure! But I was determined to write something, so here goes.
I have noticed that my two blogs are sort of merging together on occasions. It's really difficult to write about an event that includes Callum without it having reference to his Asperger Syndrome, so I do feel that it should be written about on his page. However, they are events that I've attended too and I have my own views on them, but I don't want to bore everyone (especially those that read both blogs) by writing about them twice.
So, here's the dilema, what do I write about? Reading back the blogs, it does sound like my whole life revolves around Callum and in a way it does, but I do have a life of my own as well. And that life also contains apprehension, boredom and frustration about trips/events just as Callum's does, but I have to push those feelings to one side in order to deal with Callum first and foremost. I'm sure most parents feel like this, but on speaking to other parents with ASD children it does seem to be a particular common subject.
Take, for instance, the Top Gear trip. Callum was worried about going; he was worried about being on the train (apparently he is bored with trains now); he was worried about the underground - too many people, too noisy, worried about getting on and off; he was worried about the queue of people at Earls Court. It was raining and he was stressing about that too especially as he'd insisted on wearing his crocs and they had a hole in the bottom so his foot was wet. He was bored! The queue moved quickly once moving, but they were letting in small groups at a time so it was very stop, start, stop, start. This made him grumpy and frustrated. When we got inside, he was concerned about where everything was. We headed straight to the Gold Enclosure so we could get a bit of down time and that stressed him as it had a long escalator to go on to get to it. He stressed about queuing to go into the show; he stressed about coming out of the show. He wanted to go to the Paddock, but once inside, he wanted to get out. He loved the show! He loved the cars outside! But even then he stressed about getting his photos on his DSi. He almost didn't get his photo taken in the Peelp50 because he was nervous about the girls and the cameraman. He wouldn't go on any of the simulators even though dad encouraged him to. He then got tired and wanted to go home (there and then!), so he stressed on the tube as it was now rush hour and packed. He stressed at the station as that too was packed. He ate his Burger King on the floor, but was fine. He then panicked about getting on the train and moaned constantly because everything was running late! He then moaned when we got off the train as he didn't want to walk home and then when we got home he moaned as he didn't want to go to bed when it was time! All of this was expressed out loud!
Now all this sounds like he had an awful day, but he didn't, as anyone who read my blog on his page knows. He loved the day!! Wants to go again! What I want to point out to everyone is that this is a typical GOOD day! And I have to deal with it. I'm almost so used to it now that it isn't until I look back and actually write it down that I realise just what I deal with each time - to me it is normal. Now I'm not saying that neuro typical children don't have moans and groans and don't get bored or frustrated, but do they moan, groan, worry, stress every single time, all the time and vocalise that stress! I don't think so. My daughter was never like this although she did have her quirks and we have since realised that she may be slightly Aspi herself; she freely admits to being a bit more than just a little OCD. But I went out for days with her just as I do Callum and I never remember her being quite so emotionally/mentally demanding.
I'm not after sympathy! I don't want people to think "how awful". Callum is brilliant and I love him. I don't want him changed in any way. But what I do want is people to realise that having an Asperger/Autistic child is not always easy. It demands a lot of extra committment, patience, planning, organisation (and yes that is different from planning) and emotional awareness than normal. This can be very tiring, it can mean that a day out turns into a blur because you always have to be two steps ahead. And remember, this is the invisible disability! It isn't obvious to an outsider.
What I'm trying to say is that I, too, worry about journeys - will it get there on time? I hate waiting around in queues, especially when it's raining. I don't particularly like rush hour, but I can cope with it. I didn't know where anything was when I got there, but that was ok, I'd find out. I don't like crowds, especially with a child in tow, as I worry about getting separated. AND, obviously, I'm worried about most things if I have Callum with me as I'm trying to make it easier for him and that can mean having to do things that I'm not particularly comfortable with doing myself. Ie, asking totally random people to do something or another because of Callum or asking for extra help. I'm sure we all feel like this, but we cope! Callum, however, doesn't, so I have to cope for him.
I feel like I'm losing the thread a bit here and I'm off on a ramble, which I probably am, so perhaps I should stop. Like I said, I don't want sympathy. I want understanding. I want things to be put in place that makes my life and my child's life easier. On the whole that happens. On the whole everyone that I've had dealings with has been helpful and brilliant if I'm honest. I do get the odd stare from people and I do know there are a few people that do not understand why I should be entitled to extra money because of Callum or that we can get special offers because of his disability. But to those I say "come and spend a day out in my shoes". See Callum's reactions to things; see how much effort has to go into it and see how something so simple can make the difference between a happy and intergrated child and an angry, violent, miserable child who doesn't understand the world around him.
There, I'm done!
Cya
Time to write this one now. I'm not going to go into all the Halloween stuff again, you can read that on my other blog: http://sajasper.blogspot.com/
I'm not going to go into Top Gear Live either as you can read about that there too! Well, from Callum's point of view and mine from the point of view of upgrading tickets.
So what am I going to write about? Actually, I'm not entirely sure! But I was determined to write something, so here goes.
I have noticed that my two blogs are sort of merging together on occasions. It's really difficult to write about an event that includes Callum without it having reference to his Asperger Syndrome, so I do feel that it should be written about on his page. However, they are events that I've attended too and I have my own views on them, but I don't want to bore everyone (especially those that read both blogs) by writing about them twice.
So, here's the dilema, what do I write about? Reading back the blogs, it does sound like my whole life revolves around Callum and in a way it does, but I do have a life of my own as well. And that life also contains apprehension, boredom and frustration about trips/events just as Callum's does, but I have to push those feelings to one side in order to deal with Callum first and foremost. I'm sure most parents feel like this, but on speaking to other parents with ASD children it does seem to be a particular common subject.
Take, for instance, the Top Gear trip. Callum was worried about going; he was worried about being on the train (apparently he is bored with trains now); he was worried about the underground - too many people, too noisy, worried about getting on and off; he was worried about the queue of people at Earls Court. It was raining and he was stressing about that too especially as he'd insisted on wearing his crocs and they had a hole in the bottom so his foot was wet. He was bored! The queue moved quickly once moving, but they were letting in small groups at a time so it was very stop, start, stop, start. This made him grumpy and frustrated. When we got inside, he was concerned about where everything was. We headed straight to the Gold Enclosure so we could get a bit of down time and that stressed him as it had a long escalator to go on to get to it. He stressed about queuing to go into the show; he stressed about coming out of the show. He wanted to go to the Paddock, but once inside, he wanted to get out. He loved the show! He loved the cars outside! But even then he stressed about getting his photos on his DSi. He almost didn't get his photo taken in the Peelp50 because he was nervous about the girls and the cameraman. He wouldn't go on any of the simulators even though dad encouraged him to. He then got tired and wanted to go home (there and then!), so he stressed on the tube as it was now rush hour and packed. He stressed at the station as that too was packed. He ate his Burger King on the floor, but was fine. He then panicked about getting on the train and moaned constantly because everything was running late! He then moaned when we got off the train as he didn't want to walk home and then when we got home he moaned as he didn't want to go to bed when it was time! All of this was expressed out loud!
Now all this sounds like he had an awful day, but he didn't, as anyone who read my blog on his page knows. He loved the day!! Wants to go again! What I want to point out to everyone is that this is a typical GOOD day! And I have to deal with it. I'm almost so used to it now that it isn't until I look back and actually write it down that I realise just what I deal with each time - to me it is normal. Now I'm not saying that neuro typical children don't have moans and groans and don't get bored or frustrated, but do they moan, groan, worry, stress every single time, all the time and vocalise that stress! I don't think so. My daughter was never like this although she did have her quirks and we have since realised that she may be slightly Aspi herself; she freely admits to being a bit more than just a little OCD. But I went out for days with her just as I do Callum and I never remember her being quite so emotionally/mentally demanding.
I'm not after sympathy! I don't want people to think "how awful". Callum is brilliant and I love him. I don't want him changed in any way. But what I do want is people to realise that having an Asperger/Autistic child is not always easy. It demands a lot of extra committment, patience, planning, organisation (and yes that is different from planning) and emotional awareness than normal. This can be very tiring, it can mean that a day out turns into a blur because you always have to be two steps ahead. And remember, this is the invisible disability! It isn't obvious to an outsider.
What I'm trying to say is that I, too, worry about journeys - will it get there on time? I hate waiting around in queues, especially when it's raining. I don't particularly like rush hour, but I can cope with it. I didn't know where anything was when I got there, but that was ok, I'd find out. I don't like crowds, especially with a child in tow, as I worry about getting separated. AND, obviously, I'm worried about most things if I have Callum with me as I'm trying to make it easier for him and that can mean having to do things that I'm not particularly comfortable with doing myself. Ie, asking totally random people to do something or another because of Callum or asking for extra help. I'm sure we all feel like this, but we cope! Callum, however, doesn't, so I have to cope for him.
I feel like I'm losing the thread a bit here and I'm off on a ramble, which I probably am, so perhaps I should stop. Like I said, I don't want sympathy. I want understanding. I want things to be put in place that makes my life and my child's life easier. On the whole that happens. On the whole everyone that I've had dealings with has been helpful and brilliant if I'm honest. I do get the odd stare from people and I do know there are a few people that do not understand why I should be entitled to extra money because of Callum or that we can get special offers because of his disability. But to those I say "come and spend a day out in my shoes". See Callum's reactions to things; see how much effort has to go into it and see how something so simple can make the difference between a happy and intergrated child and an angry, violent, miserable child who doesn't understand the world around him.
There, I'm done!
Cya
Sunday, 17 October 2010
HALLOWEEN IS COMING!!!
Ok, I've got to get this out of my system:
I LOVE HALLOWEEN!!!
There, I've said it! Yay!!
I don't quite know what it is about Halloween, but I've always loved it. Might have something to do with the fact that I've always been fascinated with the macarbe and I used to love ghost stories when I was a kid. And, as some of you may remember from a previous post, I do believe in ghosts and have one of my own (well several actually, but I've already written about that).
I come from a very religious family, so maybe it originates as a bit of a rebellion towards that as well, but I'm not entirely sure on that one.
I am also interested in herbal medicine and pagan beliefs, although I wouldn't actual class myself as one as I'm not disciplined enough. I've been called a witch quite a lot in my life too, but I don't think that's because they think I can do magic - haha.
I do know that Halloween or All Hallows Eve is the beginning of the Celtic New Year in the Old Religion. You could also say that there is a link to Harvest Festival as it's a time when crops were brought in, animals were also brought back from the fields and perishable foods were eaten before the long winter months ahead. It's also said to be a time to remember the past year and to remember those that have passed on, hence the storytelling.
I know that nowadays it's very commercialised (as are most festivals to be honest) and very Americanised too and most people seem to think that it's an American festival, but it isn't, it's been around for centuries.
I love it because it gives me a chance to indulge myself in silliness and be a bit creative. This year I'm doing pumpkins and skeletons as my theme. The aim is to have a church/funeral parlour front room (I'm going to dress up as a Victorian Funeral Director and Callum is going to be the Grim Reaper) which leads into the 'graveyard' which will be the dining room. I'm currently doing the decorations for the living room which will include a 'stained glass' window (tissue paper and card), a tapestry 'alter cloth' and lots of pumpkin candle holders, which I had to make as the candle holders I already had were ghosts! Nothing that a few old jam jars and some glass paint won't fix! Plus of course the pumpkins themselves (see above). Obviously they need to be carved, but that's a last minute job. Grew those ourselves by the way.
The dining room will be covered in black bin liners and I'm making a grey card mausoleum to cover my large unit. The table will be, hopefully, a grave with the chairs being tombstones and, of course, all the food will have a ghastly twist.
I've probably set myself a too huge a task, but this is the first year in this house that I can truely go over the top. The first year here, we'd only just moved in, so had nothing. I hated it! Only had sweets to give out and it was awful. You see I don't do sweets for trick or treaters; I do cupcakes! Usually something pretty gross looking like witches fingers (apple wedges sticking out with flaked almonds painted red for fingernails) or dead fly cakes (green cakes with green icing and sultana and flaked almond flies on top). However, this year I managed to get a gruesome cupcake book in the sale and am trying some of those out instead. Usually end up making about 48+ cakes and they normally all go! The second year here, last year, I was still hobbling around after breaking my leg, so again didn't really get much done. Although did manage the cakes and had a small party for Callum with a couple of his friends. But this year I'm going for it! Got two years to make up for, so kids had better watch out - haha!
I know Halloween isn't for everyone's tastes and I do know that there are people out there who don't like people knocking on their doors and that's fine. There are also kids out there who basically use it as a good excuse to cause havoc, which isn't so nice and what gives it it's bad reputation, but I love it and I'm going to enjoy it until someone tells me I can't!
Oh well, it's now past midnight (it's the witching hour - hehe) and I'm off to bed.
Cya
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