Right we are back to normal; whatever that means. In this house it means that my son has finished his two week break and is, currently, back at his training group and my partner has, after having a mid summer meltdown, back at work; so I can get back to some sort of routine. Saying that, I'm not a lover of routine which, when you live with two ASDers, is a bit difficult. I'm much more of a wake up and see what happens kind of person so having the house to myself for three days a week is rather lovely.
So, today, I attacked the 'so called dining room'. It's a 'so called dining room' as we never actually eat in there apart from when we have guests. It's actually the 'dump everything off on the table as you walk through the house room' although it does, occasionally, turn into the 'sewing room' or the 'model making room' and if there is no room on the table it's the 'dump everything wherever you can find a space room' including the floor, chairs, trolley, printer, etc; any surfaces you can find really. Now I haven't attacked the dining room since.....I can't remember to be honest so I knew it was going to be a bit of a mess. The table was buried under god knows what, there were a stack of cardboard boxes that I was keeping 'just in case' and I wasn't entirely sure if any of them actually had anything in them still and the printer and it's little cabinet it sits on was buried under a pile of paper. Hmmm, cup of tea required before we start me thinks.
Anyway, three quarters of an hour later and I now have a dining room with a clear table! Woo Hoo!!! The boxes didn't have anything in them apart from more boxes, bits of cardboard, some bubble wrap, old newspaper and an interesting looking carrier bag which turned out to be totally uninteresting as it was empty. Hrumph! I did find the radiator key (??) on the table along with more random bits of paper, the mechanics of a light/magnifier for making models with, some long red candles, a wind up torch, a bag of Halloween masks (??? again as I know I've tided since then more than once), various tablecloths and a bunch of table mats and coasters, oh and several bits of broken stationery like pens, etc. Also found my son's training certificates!!!! Glad they didn't get thrown out by mistake.
I didn't find many dust bunnies; they were more like dust wooly mammoths. There was a lovely silky cobweb that ran the whole length of the alcove that the printer sits in and the window sill and trolley that sits in front of it looked more like the housefly graveyard than something you can wheel your tea things around on. All in all, pretty yucky!! But it is now done; yay!
How long it will stay that way I do not know and I'm not taking any bets on how long the table will stay clear although I don't think it will be long. Tomorrow I'm hoping to attack the front room although that is in a much less awful state; mainly dust to be honest.
I know you are probably thinking that if I did it more regularly it wouldn't end up such a state, but, guess what, I tried that and I just ended up doing it more and more often. The dust didn't get less, the 'stuff' didn't stop being dumped and the cobwebs still kept coming. I hate housework, as you probably have already guessed, and for me to do it one day only for it to look like I haven't done anything the next is rather soul destroying for me so I leave it and then attack!! It doesn't take that long before I've had enough of it and end up doing it and I wouldn't say that my house is dirty, just dusty and untidy. I don't leave food lying about and any spills are cleaned away, bins are emptied regularly and those things that have a place are put back in their place, usually! I'm just not a houseproud, dust, polish and hoover kind of girl and if you don't like it, you don't have to come in.
Quentin Crisp once wrote “There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.” and I have a little book that quotes "since housework is always there waiting for me, I might as well go ahead and do what I want."
These two quotes are my mantras when it comes to housework, especially the latter one as I'm not sure I'd have the capability of waiting four years for the dust to stop mounting up in the former. I do housework when the mood takes me and then it's blitzed; the rest of the time I go and do far less boring things and so should you.
Cya
xx
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Tuesday, 30 August 2016
Friday, 29 May 2015
GOT THAT FRIDAY FEELING!
It’s Friday
– woo hoo!!
It’s PJ day
– double woo hoo!!
It has been
a long week this week as it’s the busy one with home ed as we’ve had two lots
of trampolining and the start of our course at Royal Engineers Museum. I’ve also been having trouble sleeping;
averaging about 5 hours a night and some of that broken, so been a bit of a
zombie.
Today,
however, and maybe because I know it’s an easy day, I’m feeling fine. Catching up on computer bits; new timetable,
accounts both my own and trampoline class’, orders, Facebook, etc, etc. I’ve made soup for lunch and Callum has been
pottering too, catching up with some work and fiddling about with computer
bits.
I’m also
feeling extremely loved! My birthday
isn’t until tomorrow, but I’ve already been treated to a cinema night, seeing
Mad Max which was like a post-apocalyptic Fast and Furious on steroids and
totally brilliant, been given a beautiful ‘Stonehenge’ oil burner, a book,
several cards and umpteen bunches of flowers, so my house smells wonderful.
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Tulips and Parrot Tulips |
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Roses plus |
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More roses, Arum Lillies plus |
I’ve got a
day out planned with my daughter for my actual birthday and a breakfast being
bought for me next Tuesday! I’m feeling
very lucky and very privileged to have such fab friends and gorgeous children;
my son, Callum, giving me more money for my Glastonbury fund.
I’m pleased
to announce that this week’s blog has no moans or groans and is short. Must be a first!!
Cya
Wednesday, 20 May 2015
FEELING DISCONNECTED!
Hi all, sorry not written, it's been a weird couple of weeks with regard to the virtual world. I avoided as much as I could the week after the election due to my total disbelief that the Torys got in and the subsequent panic attacks and depression that followed. I wanted to distance myself from everyone's anger, posts, comments, worries and outrage as I was feeling very delicate myself and didn't want to spiral and I certainly didn't want to blog in that state as I felt I'd done all that already.
A few weeks on and there is still disbelief and outrage on places like Facebook, but I'm now in that state of mind that it's a bit like closing the gate after the horse has bolted. I know all of those that are still raging didn't vote them in, but enough now please. It's happened! Apart from assasination and/or attempting to do our bit by signed petitions, there really isn't anything we can do about it now and, to be honest, assasination won't help as another bugger from the same party will just step up. We had our say and others voted wrongly, whether by choice or tactical voting, they are in and we have to deal with it. So please, please stop posting. Please, please can we have something more positive, something uplifting, something funny to brighten the dark days that we now have to endure for the next 5 years. Yes, sorry to remind you, but we have 5 more years of this and I dread to think about what the state of this country will be in by the end of it.
I've withdrawn a bit for the moment. I'm not in the mood to socialise and I'm trying desparately to get everything paid off or necessities bought before the dreaded day when my money will, probably, stop. Perhaps I'm just practicing ;-) I do have a few things with my son planned and I do have Glastonbury to look forward to, luckily paid now and, after kind donations at Xmas and up and coming birthday, I should have some spending money (even if it's only enough to feed myself and provide myself with tea), but I must admit that in my head, the calendar stops at the end of July. After that I'm in no man's land with regard to plans, money, my son's education, etc. Won't know until at least then if we are safe for another year or we're holed up indoors for the next however many until either he's old enough and confident enough and able to get himself a job and/or I am capable of finding one that fits in with my pain threshold.
STOP! I'm off again and that isn't what I'm supposed to be doing.
Decided I'm just going to add some photos that cheer me up and start to do what I want other's to do - be a bit more positive.
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My gorgeous kids and grandchild with The Gruffalo |
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A lucky spot whilst at Fort Horsted |
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Cheeky Chappy at Heligan |
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Me and my longest known mates at Hever |
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Pig! Just because |
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Plate spinning (yes I really was) |
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Natural History Museum Butterflies |
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Sweet little things, cunningly hidden |
Monday, 13 April 2015
TALKING OF THIS MORNING!!!
http://www.gravesendreporter.co.uk/news/exclusive_compulsory_abortion_for_down_s_syndrome_foetuses_says_ukip_kent_candidate_1_1745952
This is disgraceful!!! Where will it end?
On the one hand I can see that he's using the 'drain on the NHS'/'burden on the state' card and there will be a lot of people who agree with it, BUT....
Do we then:
Refuse NHS treatment for alcohol/drug abuse or treatment for injuries associated with said alcohol/drug abuse.
Refuse NHS treatment for people who have 'stupidly' inserted objects where they shouldn't have,
Refuse NHS treatment for people who've had an accident when they've been a bit clumsy; do you classify an old person who has fallen down the stairs as accidental or their own fault as they should know that they aren't good at going up or down stairs at their age. Who decides this?
Euthanise all long term ill patients.
Do we then:
Sterilise all mentally ill patients,
Sterilise the long term unemployed; after all any children that they have whilst receiving benefit is a 'burden on the state' as 'we', the public are paying their extra benefits.
Abort all children that have any disability that can be shown up.
Euthanise all infants that are born disabled.
Do we bring back the death penalty for major offenses?
Do we sterilise all repeat offenders?
Do we euthanise all repeat offenders?
What the hell, why don't we just stick all the unemployed, all the immigrants, all the criminals and all the disabled up against a wall and shoot the lot of them. There! Drains sorted. Burdens sorted.
I know that this seems excessive. I know that it seems extreme. And, I might add, I don't agree with it. But, remember, it starts with something small, it starts with something that was never acceptable before to be acceptable now and it will get worse. It will slowly seep through the cracks and before you know it we're in a Hitler State, where only those 'humans' that those in power deem to be 'correct' will exist and everyone else is DEAD!
Cya (again)....or maybe you won't; depends on who gets in!
This is disgraceful!!! Where will it end?
On the one hand I can see that he's using the 'drain on the NHS'/'burden on the state' card and there will be a lot of people who agree with it, BUT....
Do we then:
Refuse NHS treatment for alcohol/drug abuse or treatment for injuries associated with said alcohol/drug abuse.
Refuse NHS treatment for people who have 'stupidly' inserted objects where they shouldn't have,
Refuse NHS treatment for people who've had an accident when they've been a bit clumsy; do you classify an old person who has fallen down the stairs as accidental or their own fault as they should know that they aren't good at going up or down stairs at their age. Who decides this?
Euthanise all long term ill patients.
Do we then:
Sterilise all mentally ill patients,
Sterilise the long term unemployed; after all any children that they have whilst receiving benefit is a 'burden on the state' as 'we', the public are paying their extra benefits.
Abort all children that have any disability that can be shown up.
Euthanise all infants that are born disabled.
Do we bring back the death penalty for major offenses?
Do we sterilise all repeat offenders?
Do we euthanise all repeat offenders?
What the hell, why don't we just stick all the unemployed, all the immigrants, all the criminals and all the disabled up against a wall and shoot the lot of them. There! Drains sorted. Burdens sorted.
I know that this seems excessive. I know that it seems extreme. And, I might add, I don't agree with it. But, remember, it starts with something small, it starts with something that was never acceptable before to be acceptable now and it will get worse. It will slowly seep through the cracks and before you know it we're in a Hitler State, where only those 'humans' that those in power deem to be 'correct' will exist and everyone else is DEAD!
Cya (again)....or maybe you won't; depends on who gets in!
REGULAR WRITING IS HARD
Hiya folks; see I told you I'm crap at updating :-)
To be honest, I'm finding it difficult to post as I don't think most things are interesting enough and I don't want to get into the habit of 'Monday I did this', 'Tuesday I did this' or 'I've eaten this today', you get the picture.
If something has annoyed me or cheered me up no end, that's different, but how often in life does that happen? I mean really happen? I'm not talking about finding positive in every day, that's normally pretty easy. My son getting up and saying 'hi' is positive, my dog looking up expectantly for his morning biscuits is positive, drinking my cup of tea by myself in the quiet is positive. All those little things that you are supposed to look at, if you have depression like me, are easy peasy and trying not to dwell on negative things like stupid comments from your partner or news items that you think are truely unbelievable in this so called modern world is also easy.
What I'm talking about is those 'blow your mind' moments of pure, ecstatic, happiness or 'gobsmacking' moments of sheer surprise or, even, 'what the fuck?' moments of totally and utter disbelief or anger. Those moments are rare and sporadic; they have to be otherwise they wouldn't 'blow your mind', be 'gobsmacking' or make you want to say 'what the fuck?'. Imagine living a life that was full of those moments. For starters that probably would wear a bit thin after a while and wouldn't be quite so awe expiring and if they didn't become a bit 'dull', you'd be exhausted emotionally from dealing with them.
So blogs, columns, diaries or whatever you choose to write or read become a bit mundane after a while. Trying to constantly think of something interesting to say is tiring, it's hard, it's damn near impossible on a consistant basis and is probably why novellists tend to bring out only one good book every two or three years and hats off to proffesional columnists and bloggers, that's what I say.
If this is the case, then why am I writing today? Well, an old teacher of mine said that to write, you must write! Sounds stupid and pretty obvious, but it's true. I had no idea on what I was going to write today, but I've decided that every Monday (we'll see how long it lasts) I will write a blog, so I opened up my page, clicked new post and sat here. Didn't know what to say, so, as in when I couldn't think of what to do for some homework that was given to me on a writing course I wrote a poem about why I couldn't think of what to do for the homework, I've written about why I can't always write on a regular basis. What has that meant? Well, I've written; a reasonable amount to be honest. It might not be awe inspiring, it might not be well written, but at least it isn't 'Monday, I did this' or 'I ate this over the weekend'.
Cya
To be honest, I'm finding it difficult to post as I don't think most things are interesting enough and I don't want to get into the habit of 'Monday I did this', 'Tuesday I did this' or 'I've eaten this today', you get the picture.
If something has annoyed me or cheered me up no end, that's different, but how often in life does that happen? I mean really happen? I'm not talking about finding positive in every day, that's normally pretty easy. My son getting up and saying 'hi' is positive, my dog looking up expectantly for his morning biscuits is positive, drinking my cup of tea by myself in the quiet is positive. All those little things that you are supposed to look at, if you have depression like me, are easy peasy and trying not to dwell on negative things like stupid comments from your partner or news items that you think are truely unbelievable in this so called modern world is also easy.
What I'm talking about is those 'blow your mind' moments of pure, ecstatic, happiness or 'gobsmacking' moments of sheer surprise or, even, 'what the fuck?' moments of totally and utter disbelief or anger. Those moments are rare and sporadic; they have to be otherwise they wouldn't 'blow your mind', be 'gobsmacking' or make you want to say 'what the fuck?'. Imagine living a life that was full of those moments. For starters that probably would wear a bit thin after a while and wouldn't be quite so awe expiring and if they didn't become a bit 'dull', you'd be exhausted emotionally from dealing with them.
So blogs, columns, diaries or whatever you choose to write or read become a bit mundane after a while. Trying to constantly think of something interesting to say is tiring, it's hard, it's damn near impossible on a consistant basis and is probably why novellists tend to bring out only one good book every two or three years and hats off to proffesional columnists and bloggers, that's what I say.
If this is the case, then why am I writing today? Well, an old teacher of mine said that to write, you must write! Sounds stupid and pretty obvious, but it's true. I had no idea on what I was going to write today, but I've decided that every Monday (we'll see how long it lasts) I will write a blog, so I opened up my page, clicked new post and sat here. Didn't know what to say, so, as in when I couldn't think of what to do for some homework that was given to me on a writing course I wrote a poem about why I couldn't think of what to do for the homework, I've written about why I can't always write on a regular basis. What has that meant? Well, I've written; a reasonable amount to be honest. It might not be awe inspiring, it might not be well written, but at least it isn't 'Monday, I did this' or 'I ate this over the weekend'.
Cya
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Not exactly the best photo in the world, but 'first blossoms on the plum tree' taken this morning |
Friday, 20 February 2015
THINKING ABOUT FAITH IS A LOT HARDER THAN YOU THINK
I’m having
one of those days today. I should be
doing x, y and z, but I'm not in the mood, so I'm trying to do a, b and c
instead. And that isn't working out to
brilliantly either.
I should be
making fudge for partner’s birthday on Sunday; I say I should be making it, but
really I should be helping my son make it, but neither of us is in the mood.
I should be
sewing something for my daughter's birthday on Tuesday, but that isn't working
out too well either as I need to go and get a couple of bits and I can't be
bothered to get dressed. Obviously in a lazy
mood today although did run down to the post box earlier in my pjs as I had a
form that desperately needed posting (it should have got there today rather
than being posted today). Luckily post box
is less than 100 yards from the house.
So, after
deciding that the above two things won't get done today, I turned to the other
stuff. The form, as I've said, got done
and posted. The urgent bill got paid,
although I'm surprised as my bank account is rather heavily overdrawn at the
moment; thank goodness for overdraft facilities. The washing got done, although
now I have to bung it in the tumble dryer as it's a bit late to get it outside
and even if it wasn't, it's been raining.
The last thing I should be doing and I am trying to do is my homework.
"What
homework?" I hear you say.
Well, I
have had a book called A Witch Alone for years.
I've dipped in and out of it, checking and researching information, but
I've never read it from cover to cover and never followed it as it should be
followed. It's basically a practical guide to being a Hedgewitch and has lunar
monthly chapters with reading, exercises and research to do.
I've been
wanting to do it since I bought it and have finally decided that this year was
the year to start. January's went well
and I've got rather a lot of info printed up and I enjoyed it, but this month,
I'm struggling.
This month
is all about The Goddess and her consort The God. I'm supposed to consider what it means to
have a Goddess and a God with many forms, also to read and think about
religious experience and how it has affected me in the past. Plus I'm supposed
to divide a page and list attributes, symbols or titles for each; matching as I
go if I can. There are a couple of other
things that are mainly reading and research and that isn't too bad, neither is
the list of attributes, but the bit about religious experience and how it has
affected me is, how shall we say, really hard.
I was
brought up Christian, by Sunday school teacher parents and, although they never
made me go to church as I grew older, I certainly had to go as a child. Religion then and does still have issues for
me.
I always
felt that there was something missing, something unsaid, something hidden and
as I've got older I'm even more suspect of religions. The more research I do,
the more I found out about missing books, texts, different translations, etc,
the more suspicious I get. I’m not a
lover of rules and rituals as they seem so 'man'made rather than 'god'made and
to discover that a lot of woman have been removed from religious text or
condemned as evil reinforces the ‘man’made element to me.
Even in the
pagan world I have issues with wording and ritual. For starters I don’t like the word
‘invoke’. I know that it means ‘to ask’
‘to appeal’ but it can also mean ‘to call forth or upon (a spirit) by incantation’
or ‘to cause, call forth, or bring about’ which seems to me to be a
demand. Now I won’t demand anything to
come to me (apart from my dog of course); I don’t feel that I need to invoke
anything, I feel that spirits, corners, whatever you want to call it/them are
all around me anyway; including God if I was to think in my Christian
upbringing. If this is the case, they
will help me or not as they will. I can
pay homage to them, ask their help, but I certainly cannot and will not demand
or call in.
Does this
mean that any work I do with the Goddess won’t be valued? I don’t think so, but maybe others
would. I suppose the very fact that I’m
thinking about it on a deeper, emotional level is exactly what the book is
asking me to do, but even as I’m writing this and I’ve been attempting to write
it all evening, I’m coming up with more conflicting views on the whole thing.
Must admit,
learning is never an easy thing and when it comes to choosing and following a
path of faith it’s even harder.
Perhaps I
should just step back for a bit, have a really good think and come back to it a
bit later on when I’m not stressing about overdrafts, birthday presents and
such like.
I need to
meditate!
Wednesday, 2 April 2014
WEDNESDAY 2ND APRIL - DOWNTURN, EEEK
Oh dear, that didn't go too well. Thought I'd have a nice laze in the bath, but just as I started to relax, the brain went into gear. Was thinking about what I need to do this week and what I was looking forward to and what I wasn't:
Thursday: All good. *smiley face* Ah, must remember to get up and sweep the house through and the fireplace and shelves need a good dusting. Oh and ensure C is up so we can watch Grimm before E turns up *not so smiley face* .
Friday: All set to get started on a cake that I have commissioned *smiley face* Must get to Aldi and buy some chocolate and a couple of other bits *still smiley face* Oh, what if they haven't got the choc I want? Must remember to go to Wilkos on way home and check out some new tins while I'm at it. Oh, and don't forget to ring the PC man about the installer programme and must remember to do the monitoring in the garden with C. Suddenly Friday isn't looking as calm and collected as I first thought *smiley face waning a bit*
Never mind as Saturday is sort of free in the day. So anything not done Friday can be done on Saturday *smiley face back*, but then I'm going to have to kick 'other half' out of the kitchen *smiley face starting to look a bit worried* but I've got the quiz night to look forward to in the evening. Oh, but that means going out, that means getting dressed and, bugger, can't have a drink with the tablets I'm on and what if people don't turn up and what if I make an idiot of myself. Oh, whatever, it'll be a laugh. *still smiley face even after tiny hiccup* Must remember, however, that;
Sunday: Babysitting for the day. That's fine. If weather nice might go out, if not so good, may go in the garden and there's always indoors with a DVD if necessary. I know I'll be knackered, but *smiley face*
These thoughts then brought me to next week where I've got the cake to do and I'm panicing about whether it'll get done, be ok, work and that they'll like it. I'm hoping no disturbances, that home ed will get done and I'll still have time, that my back and hips won't hurt too much. Now I'm not saying I don't want to do it; I do, I really do, but this is what runs around my head. Then of course I'm off to London on the Friday and the Saturday, so I'm thinking about train times, whether C will still want to go on Friday, will I be able to get him up in time, will he be moody, will I be moody, making sure money is there and I remember to take it out, whether my hip will be killing me by then and that I won't be expected to walk too much on the Friday and that Saturday the seats will be comfortable.
And the list goes on! In the end I thought I might as well get out of the bath and come downstairs as it certainly wasn't turning into the relaxing bath I was hoping for. I wanted to get downstairs and write this out before I forget.
I'm not saying that all of this stuff doesn't go around everyone's head in one way, shape or form, it must do and I'm not looking for sympathy as I know there are busier people out there who work wonders. All I'm saying is I wish my damn brain would switch off occasionally and give me a break. I'm now thinking that 'I can't wait for the next two weeks to be over'. Crazy thought as 99% of what I'm doing I really want to do, but my brain is working overdrive to the point where it just wants to stop and have nothing to do. Really brain, you think that that is going to happen? Get a grip and stop whinging. *winks*
Thursday: All good. *smiley face* Ah, must remember to get up and sweep the house through and the fireplace and shelves need a good dusting. Oh and ensure C is up so we can watch Grimm before E turns up *not so smiley face* .
Friday: All set to get started on a cake that I have commissioned *smiley face* Must get to Aldi and buy some chocolate and a couple of other bits *still smiley face* Oh, what if they haven't got the choc I want? Must remember to go to Wilkos on way home and check out some new tins while I'm at it. Oh, and don't forget to ring the PC man about the installer programme and must remember to do the monitoring in the garden with C. Suddenly Friday isn't looking as calm and collected as I first thought *smiley face waning a bit*
Never mind as Saturday is sort of free in the day. So anything not done Friday can be done on Saturday *smiley face back*, but then I'm going to have to kick 'other half' out of the kitchen *smiley face starting to look a bit worried* but I've got the quiz night to look forward to in the evening. Oh, but that means going out, that means getting dressed and, bugger, can't have a drink with the tablets I'm on and what if people don't turn up and what if I make an idiot of myself. Oh, whatever, it'll be a laugh. *still smiley face even after tiny hiccup* Must remember, however, that;
Sunday: Babysitting for the day. That's fine. If weather nice might go out, if not so good, may go in the garden and there's always indoors with a DVD if necessary. I know I'll be knackered, but *smiley face*
These thoughts then brought me to next week where I've got the cake to do and I'm panicing about whether it'll get done, be ok, work and that they'll like it. I'm hoping no disturbances, that home ed will get done and I'll still have time, that my back and hips won't hurt too much. Now I'm not saying I don't want to do it; I do, I really do, but this is what runs around my head. Then of course I'm off to London on the Friday and the Saturday, so I'm thinking about train times, whether C will still want to go on Friday, will I be able to get him up in time, will he be moody, will I be moody, making sure money is there and I remember to take it out, whether my hip will be killing me by then and that I won't be expected to walk too much on the Friday and that Saturday the seats will be comfortable.
And the list goes on! In the end I thought I might as well get out of the bath and come downstairs as it certainly wasn't turning into the relaxing bath I was hoping for. I wanted to get downstairs and write this out before I forget.
I'm not saying that all of this stuff doesn't go around everyone's head in one way, shape or form, it must do and I'm not looking for sympathy as I know there are busier people out there who work wonders. All I'm saying is I wish my damn brain would switch off occasionally and give me a break. I'm now thinking that 'I can't wait for the next two weeks to be over'. Crazy thought as 99% of what I'm doing I really want to do, but my brain is working overdrive to the point where it just wants to stop and have nothing to do. Really brain, you think that that is going to happen? Get a grip and stop whinging. *winks*
Sunday, 26 May 2013
WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DO?
Am in a funny mood today! Want to do something, but don't, if you know what I mean. I have a list of jobs that need to be done, but, after looking at them, I need to either buy stuff, which I can't until Tuesday as have no money until then, or ring people and it's bank holiday so no-one about until Tuesday (again).
There is some gardening jobs I could do, but I'm really not in the mood as my neck and shoulders really hurt and one of the jobs involves digging! I'm not in the mood to sort out photos or set up the new printer.
I could weigh up the EBay stuff I want to sell, but Phil around and he'll start asking questions. He's already asked me what I wanted a bin liner for earlier! Why the hell does he think I need a bin liner? Does he think I'm going to dress up in it or make curtains from it or decorate the wall with it? I need a bin liner as I have rubbish to put in it you stupid man!
So, I have sorted out the corner under the window in the bedroom. It has a baby box in it and all the Body Shop stuff, which was in several boxes. I've managed to sort it all out and chuck out what was surplus and unnecessary, so the corner looks a lot tidier and hasn't got so many boxes in it. I've also sorted out the computer corner where all the paperwork/home ed stuff is. So filing done, rubbish cleared, recycling sorted, home ed stuff put away and tidied up. Computer area now doesn't look as if it'll be lost forever under files, paper and science stuff; hoorah!
Apart from that though, I've not done anything else on this glorious sunshiny day. My brain isn't feeling creative, so I'm not writing (apart from this). I'm not knitting as I want to sort out the blanket before I start anything new and I need to go buy backing fabric and ribbon to do that.
So, what to do, what to do?
Hate moods like this (unusual in this weather), can't get motivated or enthused. It may be because I was hoping to go to the cinema today and odd job tomorrow, but plans been changed so going to cinema tomorrow instead. Brain not good at last minute changes; it gets a little confused and feels a bit at a loose end. Hey ho!
On the plus side, I made a list of plants that I wanted earlier in the week and whilst outside pulling up some grass (so, yes, a teeny weeny bit of gardening done this morning whilst waiting for the kettle to boil) I discovered that one of the plants I wanted is already growing in my garden; just not in the right place. Thought I had some, but wasn't sure, so checked it whilst drinking the tea I made from the awaiting kettle and it is! Whoop whoop! Just need to transplant it and hope it doesn't die!
Anyway, cya! Hopefully I'll think of something to do so I don't feel like the day has been wasted.
There is some gardening jobs I could do, but I'm really not in the mood as my neck and shoulders really hurt and one of the jobs involves digging! I'm not in the mood to sort out photos or set up the new printer.
I could weigh up the EBay stuff I want to sell, but Phil around and he'll start asking questions. He's already asked me what I wanted a bin liner for earlier! Why the hell does he think I need a bin liner? Does he think I'm going to dress up in it or make curtains from it or decorate the wall with it? I need a bin liner as I have rubbish to put in it you stupid man!
So, I have sorted out the corner under the window in the bedroom. It has a baby box in it and all the Body Shop stuff, which was in several boxes. I've managed to sort it all out and chuck out what was surplus and unnecessary, so the corner looks a lot tidier and hasn't got so many boxes in it. I've also sorted out the computer corner where all the paperwork/home ed stuff is. So filing done, rubbish cleared, recycling sorted, home ed stuff put away and tidied up. Computer area now doesn't look as if it'll be lost forever under files, paper and science stuff; hoorah!
Apart from that though, I've not done anything else on this glorious sunshiny day. My brain isn't feeling creative, so I'm not writing (apart from this). I'm not knitting as I want to sort out the blanket before I start anything new and I need to go buy backing fabric and ribbon to do that.
So, what to do, what to do?
Hate moods like this (unusual in this weather), can't get motivated or enthused. It may be because I was hoping to go to the cinema today and odd job tomorrow, but plans been changed so going to cinema tomorrow instead. Brain not good at last minute changes; it gets a little confused and feels a bit at a loose end. Hey ho!
On the plus side, I made a list of plants that I wanted earlier in the week and whilst outside pulling up some grass (so, yes, a teeny weeny bit of gardening done this morning whilst waiting for the kettle to boil) I discovered that one of the plants I wanted is already growing in my garden; just not in the right place. Thought I had some, but wasn't sure, so checked it whilst drinking the tea I made from the awaiting kettle and it is! Whoop whoop! Just need to transplant it and hope it doesn't die!
Anyway, cya! Hopefully I'll think of something to do so I don't feel like the day has been wasted.
Friday, 8 July 2011
MUST BE THE WEATHER!
Hi all,
Feeling really bleurgh today. Not entirely sure why, hence me blaming the weather. It can't seem to make up its mind if it will rain or be sunny. One minute its dark, grey clouds and pouring it down and the next there is blue sky with fluffy white clouds and sunshine (quite warm sunshine too). The only constant is the wind and boy is it windy!!
Anyway, can't snap out of it. Even a walk up the High Street didn't do much good. Must admit Gillingham High Street isn't exactly life changing, but thought the fresh air and the sunshine (it was sunny at that point) might make me feel a bit better, but no, not really.
We've been busy this week trying to catch up on work ready for Callum's open day (see Callum's World) and I haven't been feeling 100% all week anyway. Have had sore throat, felt sick, yadda, yadda, yadda, so haven't really been in the mood. Well, I have, but intimitant - bit like the weather! Plus it was our last week with James for trampolining, will miss him, but hope he has a great time.
One of my friend's dog isn't well either and that has made me sad as he's a lovely old thing, really hope he gets better soon. Plus it has made me think of Draco, our dog, who is getting on a bit. He's becoming increasingly stiff and grumpy and lumps and bumps keep appearing. He currently has sticky eyes as well, although there is no redness and he isn't irritated by them; just means ensuring they are cleaned regularly. Have no idea how Callum (or any of us for that matter) will react when the day comes.
To add to the moans and groans, I'm skint! Really skint! Went overdrawn last month for the first time in five years and this month looks pretty tight too. We're trying desparately to remember to switch off all electric at night, etc, etc, but won't see any outcome of this until at least January next year which is quite disheartening, but needs to be done. On top of that we've now had a letter through saying that they will be fitting water meters in our road very soon. Aaaargh, more cost! Hoping that as Callum receives DLA and I get Carer's we can have it capped for a couple of years. That way at least my gas and electric should be reduced so I won't end up paying out too much more. But then, DLA and Carer's is all being reviewed by the government at the moment and, although I've been assured that Callum's DLA will continue until 2015, there is no guarentee that they won't change the rate. If he drops in rate, I'll lose Carer's which is quite a bit of money, which I need at the moment.
What is happening to money. When I first started receiving Carer's I could use it for things for me; haircuts, a little treat or saving, but now I have to add it to Phil's money to pay for the monthly bills. Callum's DLA, luckily, still pays for his home education and extras that he needs, but we are doing less trips and less treats and definitely don't have anything left at the end of the month to put into his savings account. If they cut it or stop it I have no idea what we'll do as I can't send him back to school, I don't want that for him or for us as I know we will be back to all the problems we had then and he was so unhappy.
Anyway, sorry for being on such a downer, but feel a bit better for writing it down. Let's hope things pick up over the weekend. To prove how bad it was, I didn't even fancy chocolate!! xx
Cya
Sunday, 3 April 2011
DREAMS - WHAT ARE THEY?
Okay, Mother’s Day today, so happy mother’s day to you all and I hope you have all had a good one!
I know that many of you out there will have spent your day with your family and mothers, grandmothers and possibly great grandmothers, but I had a perfectly quiet afternoon in front of the DVD player. My son and partner were in the house, but they left me alone. They know I love my movies and, because of home edding, it’s rare to be able to watch movies at a reasonable hour and to be able to watch ANY movie I like.
I had a film fest last Saturday when Callum went off to his friend’s and Phil pottered about the house and it was wonderful. So, when asked what I’d like, I replied “another movie afternoon please”. I know that neither Phil or Callum (or us as a whole to be honest) have a lot of money, so I didn’t want loads of things bought that would have cost a lot and I’d probably never use. My daughter bought me a fresh supply of skincare from Clinique which was ab fab as that is very expensive and I love the stuff. So thank you very much Terri. But as to P and C, I asked for a peaceful afternoon.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my partner and my son and I love home educating him and having him around, but the joy of spending some me time is a wonderful luxury too.
So, last week, I had an assassin weekend with Hitman and Leon with a bit of Lock Stock thrown in at the end. This weekend I fancied pure escape and went for alternative reality. Starting with Inception and followed by The Matrix. I do have a bit of a thing for this type of movie. I love the questions they raise; that whole “could this be real and reality not real” kind of thing. I’m not a great fan of Matrix 2 and 3, but the original is brilliant.
So, the questions are: has anyone had a dream within a dream? Also what is déjà vu? And do other people have dreams that are so real that they seem like an alternative life? If so, do you miss them when you awake?
I’ll answer them from my point of view in the order above.
Yes, I have had a dream within a dream and it was bloody freaky to be honest! I can’t remember what the original dream was about, but I know it was scary and I woke up! I turned over and said to my then boyfriend that I’d just had a bad dream and he turned to face me and started talking in this really awful voice, like he was possessed. I then woke up for real! I’ve never had one since and I never want to, but it was rather disturbing at the time.
What is déjà vu? Actually I can’t answer that one as I haven’t the foggiest, but I do remember having a very distinct case of it when on a school trip to the Cotswolds. I felt like I’d been down the street we were on before and I knew that there was a certain shop in the next one, but I also knew that I’d never been to the Cotswolds before. However, round the corner, there was the shop! Was that déjà vu or just luck or a case of previous life experience or a glitch in the matrix? I don’t know but it was very, very weird!
As to dreams being so real that they seem like alternative lives, I have those often. Consecutive dreams, like serial dreams, but a bit more disjointed and sometimes repeated. But they are very real. I can almost go into a dream from where I left off, but, as mentioned in Inception, I can’t remember where the dream originally starts from. It does always appear to be bang in the middle.
I rather like these dreams. They are escapist dreams; dreams where, even though everything might not be perfect, it is always resolvable, always ends up right. I’ve had extreme arguments and fights in these dreams, but they always turn out ok. Life is often extreme in them. Maybe they are moments that I’ve missed out on and my mind replays what might have happened. Some are completely bizarre and never make sense at all when awake, but make perfect sense whilst dreaming. And do I miss them when awake? Hell, yeah! I love dreaming! I love my life, but I love dreaming just as much. In fact, I love sleeping, haha.
Does that make me a bad person? I don’t think so. I think it makes me a patient person and probably keeps me sane (although some of you reading this might now think I’m completely mental). No matter what life throws at me, and believe me it can throw hard sometimes, I always know that at the end of the day the dreams will be waiting. I’ve solved problems in my dreams, I’ve had ideas and breakthroughs in my dreams and that has helped in the real world. And when all is said and done, who’s to say that the dreams aren’t real and this ‘awake’ life isn’t!
Happy dreaming!
Cya
I know that many of you out there will have spent your day with your family and mothers, grandmothers and possibly great grandmothers, but I had a perfectly quiet afternoon in front of the DVD player. My son and partner were in the house, but they left me alone. They know I love my movies and, because of home edding, it’s rare to be able to watch movies at a reasonable hour and to be able to watch ANY movie I like.
I had a film fest last Saturday when Callum went off to his friend’s and Phil pottered about the house and it was wonderful. So, when asked what I’d like, I replied “another movie afternoon please”. I know that neither Phil or Callum (or us as a whole to be honest) have a lot of money, so I didn’t want loads of things bought that would have cost a lot and I’d probably never use. My daughter bought me a fresh supply of skincare from Clinique which was ab fab as that is very expensive and I love the stuff. So thank you very much Terri. But as to P and C, I asked for a peaceful afternoon.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my partner and my son and I love home educating him and having him around, but the joy of spending some me time is a wonderful luxury too.
So, last week, I had an assassin weekend with Hitman and Leon with a bit of Lock Stock thrown in at the end. This weekend I fancied pure escape and went for alternative reality. Starting with Inception and followed by The Matrix. I do have a bit of a thing for this type of movie. I love the questions they raise; that whole “could this be real and reality not real” kind of thing. I’m not a great fan of Matrix 2 and 3, but the original is brilliant.
So, the questions are: has anyone had a dream within a dream? Also what is déjà vu? And do other people have dreams that are so real that they seem like an alternative life? If so, do you miss them when you awake?
I’ll answer them from my point of view in the order above.
Yes, I have had a dream within a dream and it was bloody freaky to be honest! I can’t remember what the original dream was about, but I know it was scary and I woke up! I turned over and said to my then boyfriend that I’d just had a bad dream and he turned to face me and started talking in this really awful voice, like he was possessed. I then woke up for real! I’ve never had one since and I never want to, but it was rather disturbing at the time.
What is déjà vu? Actually I can’t answer that one as I haven’t the foggiest, but I do remember having a very distinct case of it when on a school trip to the Cotswolds. I felt like I’d been down the street we were on before and I knew that there was a certain shop in the next one, but I also knew that I’d never been to the Cotswolds before. However, round the corner, there was the shop! Was that déjà vu or just luck or a case of previous life experience or a glitch in the matrix? I don’t know but it was very, very weird!
As to dreams being so real that they seem like alternative lives, I have those often. Consecutive dreams, like serial dreams, but a bit more disjointed and sometimes repeated. But they are very real. I can almost go into a dream from where I left off, but, as mentioned in Inception, I can’t remember where the dream originally starts from. It does always appear to be bang in the middle.
I rather like these dreams. They are escapist dreams; dreams where, even though everything might not be perfect, it is always resolvable, always ends up right. I’ve had extreme arguments and fights in these dreams, but they always turn out ok. Life is often extreme in them. Maybe they are moments that I’ve missed out on and my mind replays what might have happened. Some are completely bizarre and never make sense at all when awake, but make perfect sense whilst dreaming. And do I miss them when awake? Hell, yeah! I love dreaming! I love my life, but I love dreaming just as much. In fact, I love sleeping, haha.
Does that make me a bad person? I don’t think so. I think it makes me a patient person and probably keeps me sane (although some of you reading this might now think I’m completely mental). No matter what life throws at me, and believe me it can throw hard sometimes, I always know that at the end of the day the dreams will be waiting. I’ve solved problems in my dreams, I’ve had ideas and breakthroughs in my dreams and that has helped in the real world. And when all is said and done, who’s to say that the dreams aren’t real and this ‘awake’ life isn’t!
Happy dreaming!
Cya
Sunday, 14 November 2010
Hello all
Time to write this one now. I'm not going to go into all the Halloween stuff again, you can read that on my other blog: http://sajasper.blogspot.com/
I'm not going to go into Top Gear Live either as you can read about that there too! Well, from Callum's point of view and mine from the point of view of upgrading tickets.
So what am I going to write about? Actually, I'm not entirely sure! But I was determined to write something, so here goes.
I have noticed that my two blogs are sort of merging together on occasions. It's really difficult to write about an event that includes Callum without it having reference to his Asperger Syndrome, so I do feel that it should be written about on his page. However, they are events that I've attended too and I have my own views on them, but I don't want to bore everyone (especially those that read both blogs) by writing about them twice.
So, here's the dilema, what do I write about? Reading back the blogs, it does sound like my whole life revolves around Callum and in a way it does, but I do have a life of my own as well. And that life also contains apprehension, boredom and frustration about trips/events just as Callum's does, but I have to push those feelings to one side in order to deal with Callum first and foremost. I'm sure most parents feel like this, but on speaking to other parents with ASD children it does seem to be a particular common subject.
Take, for instance, the Top Gear trip. Callum was worried about going; he was worried about being on the train (apparently he is bored with trains now); he was worried about the underground - too many people, too noisy, worried about getting on and off; he was worried about the queue of people at Earls Court. It was raining and he was stressing about that too especially as he'd insisted on wearing his crocs and they had a hole in the bottom so his foot was wet. He was bored! The queue moved quickly once moving, but they were letting in small groups at a time so it was very stop, start, stop, start. This made him grumpy and frustrated. When we got inside, he was concerned about where everything was. We headed straight to the Gold Enclosure so we could get a bit of down time and that stressed him as it had a long escalator to go on to get to it. He stressed about queuing to go into the show; he stressed about coming out of the show. He wanted to go to the Paddock, but once inside, he wanted to get out. He loved the show! He loved the cars outside! But even then he stressed about getting his photos on his DSi. He almost didn't get his photo taken in the Peelp50 because he was nervous about the girls and the cameraman. He wouldn't go on any of the simulators even though dad encouraged him to. He then got tired and wanted to go home (there and then!), so he stressed on the tube as it was now rush hour and packed. He stressed at the station as that too was packed. He ate his Burger King on the floor, but was fine. He then panicked about getting on the train and moaned constantly because everything was running late! He then moaned when we got off the train as he didn't want to walk home and then when we got home he moaned as he didn't want to go to bed when it was time! All of this was expressed out loud!
Now all this sounds like he had an awful day, but he didn't, as anyone who read my blog on his page knows. He loved the day!! Wants to go again! What I want to point out to everyone is that this is a typical GOOD day! And I have to deal with it. I'm almost so used to it now that it isn't until I look back and actually write it down that I realise just what I deal with each time - to me it is normal. Now I'm not saying that neuro typical children don't have moans and groans and don't get bored or frustrated, but do they moan, groan, worry, stress every single time, all the time and vocalise that stress! I don't think so. My daughter was never like this although she did have her quirks and we have since realised that she may be slightly Aspi herself; she freely admits to being a bit more than just a little OCD. But I went out for days with her just as I do Callum and I never remember her being quite so emotionally/mentally demanding.
I'm not after sympathy! I don't want people to think "how awful". Callum is brilliant and I love him. I don't want him changed in any way. But what I do want is people to realise that having an Asperger/Autistic child is not always easy. It demands a lot of extra committment, patience, planning, organisation (and yes that is different from planning) and emotional awareness than normal. This can be very tiring, it can mean that a day out turns into a blur because you always have to be two steps ahead. And remember, this is the invisible disability! It isn't obvious to an outsider.
What I'm trying to say is that I, too, worry about journeys - will it get there on time? I hate waiting around in queues, especially when it's raining. I don't particularly like rush hour, but I can cope with it. I didn't know where anything was when I got there, but that was ok, I'd find out. I don't like crowds, especially with a child in tow, as I worry about getting separated. AND, obviously, I'm worried about most things if I have Callum with me as I'm trying to make it easier for him and that can mean having to do things that I'm not particularly comfortable with doing myself. Ie, asking totally random people to do something or another because of Callum or asking for extra help. I'm sure we all feel like this, but we cope! Callum, however, doesn't, so I have to cope for him.
I feel like I'm losing the thread a bit here and I'm off on a ramble, which I probably am, so perhaps I should stop. Like I said, I don't want sympathy. I want understanding. I want things to be put in place that makes my life and my child's life easier. On the whole that happens. On the whole everyone that I've had dealings with has been helpful and brilliant if I'm honest. I do get the odd stare from people and I do know there are a few people that do not understand why I should be entitled to extra money because of Callum or that we can get special offers because of his disability. But to those I say "come and spend a day out in my shoes". See Callum's reactions to things; see how much effort has to go into it and see how something so simple can make the difference between a happy and intergrated child and an angry, violent, miserable child who doesn't understand the world around him.
There, I'm done!
Cya
Time to write this one now. I'm not going to go into all the Halloween stuff again, you can read that on my other blog: http://sajasper.blogspot.com/
I'm not going to go into Top Gear Live either as you can read about that there too! Well, from Callum's point of view and mine from the point of view of upgrading tickets.
So what am I going to write about? Actually, I'm not entirely sure! But I was determined to write something, so here goes.
I have noticed that my two blogs are sort of merging together on occasions. It's really difficult to write about an event that includes Callum without it having reference to his Asperger Syndrome, so I do feel that it should be written about on his page. However, they are events that I've attended too and I have my own views on them, but I don't want to bore everyone (especially those that read both blogs) by writing about them twice.
So, here's the dilema, what do I write about? Reading back the blogs, it does sound like my whole life revolves around Callum and in a way it does, but I do have a life of my own as well. And that life also contains apprehension, boredom and frustration about trips/events just as Callum's does, but I have to push those feelings to one side in order to deal with Callum first and foremost. I'm sure most parents feel like this, but on speaking to other parents with ASD children it does seem to be a particular common subject.
Take, for instance, the Top Gear trip. Callum was worried about going; he was worried about being on the train (apparently he is bored with trains now); he was worried about the underground - too many people, too noisy, worried about getting on and off; he was worried about the queue of people at Earls Court. It was raining and he was stressing about that too especially as he'd insisted on wearing his crocs and they had a hole in the bottom so his foot was wet. He was bored! The queue moved quickly once moving, but they were letting in small groups at a time so it was very stop, start, stop, start. This made him grumpy and frustrated. When we got inside, he was concerned about where everything was. We headed straight to the Gold Enclosure so we could get a bit of down time and that stressed him as it had a long escalator to go on to get to it. He stressed about queuing to go into the show; he stressed about coming out of the show. He wanted to go to the Paddock, but once inside, he wanted to get out. He loved the show! He loved the cars outside! But even then he stressed about getting his photos on his DSi. He almost didn't get his photo taken in the Peelp50 because he was nervous about the girls and the cameraman. He wouldn't go on any of the simulators even though dad encouraged him to. He then got tired and wanted to go home (there and then!), so he stressed on the tube as it was now rush hour and packed. He stressed at the station as that too was packed. He ate his Burger King on the floor, but was fine. He then panicked about getting on the train and moaned constantly because everything was running late! He then moaned when we got off the train as he didn't want to walk home and then when we got home he moaned as he didn't want to go to bed when it was time! All of this was expressed out loud!
Now all this sounds like he had an awful day, but he didn't, as anyone who read my blog on his page knows. He loved the day!! Wants to go again! What I want to point out to everyone is that this is a typical GOOD day! And I have to deal with it. I'm almost so used to it now that it isn't until I look back and actually write it down that I realise just what I deal with each time - to me it is normal. Now I'm not saying that neuro typical children don't have moans and groans and don't get bored or frustrated, but do they moan, groan, worry, stress every single time, all the time and vocalise that stress! I don't think so. My daughter was never like this although she did have her quirks and we have since realised that she may be slightly Aspi herself; she freely admits to being a bit more than just a little OCD. But I went out for days with her just as I do Callum and I never remember her being quite so emotionally/mentally demanding.
I'm not after sympathy! I don't want people to think "how awful". Callum is brilliant and I love him. I don't want him changed in any way. But what I do want is people to realise that having an Asperger/Autistic child is not always easy. It demands a lot of extra committment, patience, planning, organisation (and yes that is different from planning) and emotional awareness than normal. This can be very tiring, it can mean that a day out turns into a blur because you always have to be two steps ahead. And remember, this is the invisible disability! It isn't obvious to an outsider.
What I'm trying to say is that I, too, worry about journeys - will it get there on time? I hate waiting around in queues, especially when it's raining. I don't particularly like rush hour, but I can cope with it. I didn't know where anything was when I got there, but that was ok, I'd find out. I don't like crowds, especially with a child in tow, as I worry about getting separated. AND, obviously, I'm worried about most things if I have Callum with me as I'm trying to make it easier for him and that can mean having to do things that I'm not particularly comfortable with doing myself. Ie, asking totally random people to do something or another because of Callum or asking for extra help. I'm sure we all feel like this, but we cope! Callum, however, doesn't, so I have to cope for him.
I feel like I'm losing the thread a bit here and I'm off on a ramble, which I probably am, so perhaps I should stop. Like I said, I don't want sympathy. I want understanding. I want things to be put in place that makes my life and my child's life easier. On the whole that happens. On the whole everyone that I've had dealings with has been helpful and brilliant if I'm honest. I do get the odd stare from people and I do know there are a few people that do not understand why I should be entitled to extra money because of Callum or that we can get special offers because of his disability. But to those I say "come and spend a day out in my shoes". See Callum's reactions to things; see how much effort has to go into it and see how something so simple can make the difference between a happy and intergrated child and an angry, violent, miserable child who doesn't understand the world around him.
There, I'm done!
Cya
Friday, 20 August 2010
OMG! How long has it been since writing on here!! And I was doing so well too. Oh well, life does often get in the way doesn't it?
How am I? Ok, I think!
Had more problems with neighbour's dog recently so called in the local Council AGAIN!!! Got a new warden so had to explain everything all over again. However, he did arrive with a mate so two for the price of one. Isn't that a BOGOF deal? Well, I wish my neighbours would bog off!!! Anyway, they went round and 'had a word' and miracles of miracles the guy has removed the rubbish from up against the fence, so theoretically dogs/kids can no longer climb up and over my 6.5ft fence! Partner is, so he says, going to go round over weekend and offer to help remove the rubbish completely! I have visions of the kids pulling it all back so that they can climb up again, but trying to think positive. We've offered before, but nothing came of it. Hopefully this time he'll be a bit more insistent and Callum can start to enjoy the garden again!
What else? Well, bedroom ceiling had to be pulled down before it fell down!!! So house is basically covered in dust and now every room apart from Callum's is in a half state! Either there are bits missing in ceilings or it's chunks out of walls. Will be nice when finally finished, but I'm beginning to feel like that is never going to happen! Phil, my partner, has said that he will take a week off in September and get our bedroom finished completely!! Would be nice! Will be able to finally unpack my books and dragons after nearly two years of living here and have a nice room to chill out and sleep in! Only another 5 rooms to do after that! Eeek!
As to my state of mind. I'm going from manically depressed about house/dog/garden to 'wild thing' about the same! I'm trying to read about 6 books all at once, which probably isn't a good idea!?! And I suddenly remembered that I started knitting Callum a jumper months ago! As I'm such a slow knitter I better get on with it otherwise it'll be finished and he will have grown out of it!
Have decided also that I need a laptop! Callum has been in computer mode again, so getting on here is pretty rare and when I do it's normally a bit late, so I check my mail and FB and leave it (another reason blog isn't being done). Trying to write is quite hard when you're shattered and the computer chair is knackered, so I end up with back ache after any length of time. I really really want to write and not just my blogs. I've got about 3 stories on the go at the moment and really want to finish one of them and have a go at publishing it. But by the time it gets to about 10pm and I'm finally able to sit down at computer, I really don't feel like doing it. So laptop required! That way, when C is playing on computer I can sit in a comfy chair and tap away quite happily.
I can even do it in early evening while the rest of them are watching telly. Why don't I go on computer then I hear you ask? Well I have a strange obsession about not letting anyone read what I write until it's finished. Even these blogs (which are completely public) I don't like letting anyone read until done. So the fact that my computer is in the corner of a room that everyone has to walk through to get to the kitchen and screen is in full view makes me paranoid! Silly I know, but I hate the thought that they can look over my shoulder and read what I'm typing. So laptop is going to have to be the answer!! (I'm typing now because my son is upstairs playing with his best mate, so won't see them for ages, and my partner is at work!)
On the rest of the life front I'm still currently obsessed with you know who - haha! Hopefully now the series has finished I can wean myself off and find someone else - I'm such a fickle thing you know! However, I am (or rather we are) going to Earl's Court to see Top Gear Live in November (early xmas treat), so probably be a while. Plus I'm still tired, grumpy, getting older, home educating, knitting, reading, cooking, gardening, meeting new and wonderful people, seeing current and fab friends and generally enjoying myself. So it isn't all bad!
Cya
How am I? Ok, I think!
Had more problems with neighbour's dog recently so called in the local Council AGAIN!!! Got a new warden so had to explain everything all over again. However, he did arrive with a mate so two for the price of one. Isn't that a BOGOF deal? Well, I wish my neighbours would bog off!!! Anyway, they went round and 'had a word' and miracles of miracles the guy has removed the rubbish from up against the fence, so theoretically dogs/kids can no longer climb up and over my 6.5ft fence! Partner is, so he says, going to go round over weekend and offer to help remove the rubbish completely! I have visions of the kids pulling it all back so that they can climb up again, but trying to think positive. We've offered before, but nothing came of it. Hopefully this time he'll be a bit more insistent and Callum can start to enjoy the garden again!
What else? Well, bedroom ceiling had to be pulled down before it fell down!!! So house is basically covered in dust and now every room apart from Callum's is in a half state! Either there are bits missing in ceilings or it's chunks out of walls. Will be nice when finally finished, but I'm beginning to feel like that is never going to happen! Phil, my partner, has said that he will take a week off in September and get our bedroom finished completely!! Would be nice! Will be able to finally unpack my books and dragons after nearly two years of living here and have a nice room to chill out and sleep in! Only another 5 rooms to do after that! Eeek!
As to my state of mind. I'm going from manically depressed about house/dog/garden to 'wild thing' about the same! I'm trying to read about 6 books all at once, which probably isn't a good idea!?! And I suddenly remembered that I started knitting Callum a jumper months ago! As I'm such a slow knitter I better get on with it otherwise it'll be finished and he will have grown out of it!
Have decided also that I need a laptop! Callum has been in computer mode again, so getting on here is pretty rare and when I do it's normally a bit late, so I check my mail and FB and leave it (another reason blog isn't being done). Trying to write is quite hard when you're shattered and the computer chair is knackered, so I end up with back ache after any length of time. I really really want to write and not just my blogs. I've got about 3 stories on the go at the moment and really want to finish one of them and have a go at publishing it. But by the time it gets to about 10pm and I'm finally able to sit down at computer, I really don't feel like doing it. So laptop required! That way, when C is playing on computer I can sit in a comfy chair and tap away quite happily.
I can even do it in early evening while the rest of them are watching telly. Why don't I go on computer then I hear you ask? Well I have a strange obsession about not letting anyone read what I write until it's finished. Even these blogs (which are completely public) I don't like letting anyone read until done. So the fact that my computer is in the corner of a room that everyone has to walk through to get to the kitchen and screen is in full view makes me paranoid! Silly I know, but I hate the thought that they can look over my shoulder and read what I'm typing. So laptop is going to have to be the answer!! (I'm typing now because my son is upstairs playing with his best mate, so won't see them for ages, and my partner is at work!)
On the rest of the life front I'm still currently obsessed with you know who - haha! Hopefully now the series has finished I can wean myself off and find someone else - I'm such a fickle thing you know! However, I am (or rather we are) going to Earl's Court to see Top Gear Live in November (early xmas treat), so probably be a while. Plus I'm still tired, grumpy, getting older, home educating, knitting, reading, cooking, gardening, meeting new and wonderful people, seeing current and fab friends and generally enjoying myself. So it isn't all bad!
Cya
Sunday, 25 July 2010
SUNDAY AFTERNOON BLISS OR AM I JUST A BIGOT
Am (or was by the time I type this) sitting in the garden, glass of coke on table, book in hand, beautiful sunshine, with house in King Street (not the one with the annoying dog) having what sounds like a party, although vocally it's pretty quiet. Musically it's loud, but guess what, I don't care!! Why? Because the music being played loud is some rather excellent R&B! There is no boy band mush or european trashy disco, just good thumping R&B with a coating of Rap thrown in and a smattering of Reggae!! It's bliss!!
I'm not saying that I'd like to live directly next door to the house as I can imagine that your cups and saucers would be dancing away rather nicely on their shelves as the bass is throbbing rather deeply, but here in my garden almost opposite it's pleasant; actually it's bloody brilliant! Not sure if I'll still be thinking that later on, but for now, it's ok by me!
So why have I written about this? Well it's made me realise what a completely intolerant, bigoted piece of work I really am. I should get me wrists thoroughly slapped for it to be honest and I can think of a few people who would be happy to do so and some others that I wouldn't mind doing it, but that's another story!
You see because the music is something I like, I'm tolerating it, actually thoroughly enjoying it, as I've already said! But, if it was any of the aforementioned stuff I'd be going balistic, running around shouting and ranting and probably calling the Police because of the disturbance to the peace (and I may still do that if it goes on late), but I'm not! I must point out that the music started at 11.30am and at the time of initially writing this it was 2.20pm (yes I write on old fashioned paper too, as my son is on computer and I don't own a laptop!!). So I have to embarrassingly admit that I'm an awful person! If it suits me, it's fine; if it doesn't then it's not!! Very two faced of me isn't it? But then I am a Gemini!
So I'm now asking myself whether I should be more tolerant of people? Should I respect their tastes in music and choices of lifestyle? Should I just accept that there are some people who like living in shit with snotty kids, barking dogs and terrible taste? The answer is "Yes I should", but guess what, I can't and I won't! Yes I can accept that we are not all the same. I can accept that some people like certain music, films, books, etc that I can't stand and that's fine as long as they don't try and shove it down my throat, but that's where the loud music, etc comes in. You see I think that if you are going to play your music loud (and that does include me) then you should accept that there will be people who won't like it and ask you to turn it down. You have to accept (me included) that in those circumstances you are shoving your tastes/views down other people's throats and that is the bit that is unacceptable!
I'm the same when it comes to religious beliefs too. You can be whatever faith you like; I will accept all of them; just don't try and convert me into them as I have my own beliefs and those are the ones I'm sticking with! Try ramming them down my throat and you will be out of the door quicker than the fly I've just swatted which was getting to near to the glass of coke!
So am I intolerant or not? Am I just a believer that you can have your own views, but keep them to yourself? Well, obviously the latter isn't true otherwise I wouldn't rant on about things on here would I? So, once again, am I intolerant? I think it varies and the variants are as varied as the pick and mix counter in the now defunct Woolworths store. My tolerance will depend on mood; it will depend on weather; it will depend on subject and it will bloody well depend on whether it's music I like or music I don't - sorry, but there it is! So, in conclusion; I'm a part-time bigot, but only when it suits me!
PS: The music didn't go on until late so I didn't have to call the Police. My neighbours with the dog never surfaced today so peace on the barking front was in force. And I finally got to the computer at 10pm! Will definitely have to invest in a laptop!
I'm not saying that I'd like to live directly next door to the house as I can imagine that your cups and saucers would be dancing away rather nicely on their shelves as the bass is throbbing rather deeply, but here in my garden almost opposite it's pleasant; actually it's bloody brilliant! Not sure if I'll still be thinking that later on, but for now, it's ok by me!
So why have I written about this? Well it's made me realise what a completely intolerant, bigoted piece of work I really am. I should get me wrists thoroughly slapped for it to be honest and I can think of a few people who would be happy to do so and some others that I wouldn't mind doing it, but that's another story!
You see because the music is something I like, I'm tolerating it, actually thoroughly enjoying it, as I've already said! But, if it was any of the aforementioned stuff I'd be going balistic, running around shouting and ranting and probably calling the Police because of the disturbance to the peace (and I may still do that if it goes on late), but I'm not! I must point out that the music started at 11.30am and at the time of initially writing this it was 2.20pm (yes I write on old fashioned paper too, as my son is on computer and I don't own a laptop!!). So I have to embarrassingly admit that I'm an awful person! If it suits me, it's fine; if it doesn't then it's not!! Very two faced of me isn't it? But then I am a Gemini!
So I'm now asking myself whether I should be more tolerant of people? Should I respect their tastes in music and choices of lifestyle? Should I just accept that there are some people who like living in shit with snotty kids, barking dogs and terrible taste? The answer is "Yes I should", but guess what, I can't and I won't! Yes I can accept that we are not all the same. I can accept that some people like certain music, films, books, etc that I can't stand and that's fine as long as they don't try and shove it down my throat, but that's where the loud music, etc comes in. You see I think that if you are going to play your music loud (and that does include me) then you should accept that there will be people who won't like it and ask you to turn it down. You have to accept (me included) that in those circumstances you are shoving your tastes/views down other people's throats and that is the bit that is unacceptable!
I'm the same when it comes to religious beliefs too. You can be whatever faith you like; I will accept all of them; just don't try and convert me into them as I have my own beliefs and those are the ones I'm sticking with! Try ramming them down my throat and you will be out of the door quicker than the fly I've just swatted which was getting to near to the glass of coke!
So am I intolerant or not? Am I just a believer that you can have your own views, but keep them to yourself? Well, obviously the latter isn't true otherwise I wouldn't rant on about things on here would I? So, once again, am I intolerant? I think it varies and the variants are as varied as the pick and mix counter in the now defunct Woolworths store. My tolerance will depend on mood; it will depend on weather; it will depend on subject and it will bloody well depend on whether it's music I like or music I don't - sorry, but there it is! So, in conclusion; I'm a part-time bigot, but only when it suits me!
PS: The music didn't go on until late so I didn't have to call the Police. My neighbours with the dog never surfaced today so peace on the barking front was in force. And I finally got to the computer at 10pm! Will definitely have to invest in a laptop!
Wednesday, 21 July 2010
MID LIFE CRISIS (AGAIN) OR REMINISCING?
I’m officially going to say that I’m in mid life crisis – I think!
Why I hear you ask?
Well, I’ve started to get excited every time I get an email from Play.com or Amazon announcing sales!
Why I hear you ask again and what does that have to do with mid life crisis?
Give me chance folks; I’m getting there. I get excited because normally the sales include old stuff! Stuff that I remember! Stuff that brings back memories! And, as I left my complete record collection behind when leaving an ex boyfriend years ago….
Why?
….Because I had a limited time to leave and had to make a decision between my movie collection and my music collection! I chose my movies! Can I continue now??? Or are you asking why I left the boyfriend? That doesn’t really matter at the moment, so I’m going to continue on the thread I’m on…
I’m now without those wonderful tunes that whisk you back to moments in your life that you treasure; those memories, whether sad or happy, that remind you that you were once young! Those tunes that as soon as you hear them you can bring to mind in perfect clarity any event, place or person you wish! And I’m starting to do that often!! Too often!!
You see, I don’t drive, so I can’t go out and buy a flashy car (see a previous entry on this blog). I don’t have the money anyway even if I could drive. But I can splurge £2.99 on a CD or a movie (DVD having taken over from video since I made my rash but necessary decision all those years ago and I’m now trying to regain BOTH music and movies – hey ho). In fact, I recently splurged nearly £30 on CDs and DVDs, but at least it was quids not thousands.
I don’t usually listen, as some of you do, to continuous music. I’m not someone who has to have the radio on or the TV or a CD on as soon as I wake. I like a bit of peace and quiet and, having an Asperger son with me 24/7, quiet is normally a very rare thing anyway. But recently I’ve fancied a bit of a tune and I keep remembering songs I used to have and becoming incredibly upset if I don’t have it to hand.
Why am I getting so upset?
Actually, I’m not really sure, but I am.
I’m assuming that it’s because I’ve been feeling older recently. It came as a bit of a shock the other week when I realised that I was nearer to 50 than to 40. Reaching 40 was fine; actually I quite enjoyed it. It meant that I could finally not give a damn about what people thought of me (not that I really did anyway) and I didn’t have to pretend anymore (that, I did do, sorry), but 50! 50 sounds so old! 50 is definitely on the slidey slope down! I mean it doesn’t sound ancient, I know 50 year olds that don’t look or act it, but it’s definitely the fast track to 60 and then 70 and then, well then what? Both my parents died in their 70s so it’s not irrational to think that I will probably do the same, so, based on that, 50 is definitely the ‘not long left’ age!
Also having broken my leg last year and having complications ever since (nothing major, but enough to cause inconvenience and pain and the inability to run or even walk fast at the moment) I’ve started to look back to those days when I was young, able, fit and carefree and I want to listen to stuff that reminds me of ‘the good old days’!
To add to both those reasons above, I have a 22 year old daughter. That’s the age when my life was a ball (ages 20 – 25 being the best). I was out all the time; had a huge group of mates; experienced lots of things, most of which I can’t talk about on here; had highs; lows and generally enjoyed life (actually I enjoyed life between 17-28 pretty much continuously, but 20-25 was definitely the best. So hearing her talking about what she’s up to; seeing her spending her money on clothes, undies, etc brings back all those memories. I don’t begrudge her any of it, I’m the one that nagged her to do it earlier, but I have to admit it does make me reminisce a lot!
So am I just reminiscing or am I in crisis?
It’s a difficult question to answer! You see, apart from the above and being pretty happy with the way things are in my life (I haven’t got the energy for anything else at the moment, but I am one of those people who always thinks the grass is greener even when I know it isn’t), I’ve started to get thoughts about what it would be like to be on my own again. Being completely independent with no dependents if you follow me. Would I do ok as a single woman again. Would I be able to find work; have a decent social life; dare I say it – get another lover?
And this is when I start to wonder if it’s crisis. Does the reminiscing cause me to wonder or is it the wondering that causes the reminiscing? If I could remember which one came first it might help, but that’s like trying to work out which came first with the chicken or the egg, it’s impossible and to try would probably make my head explode!
So, due to the age thing, I’m going to say it’s mid life crisis! But feel free to argue!
xxx
Why I hear you ask?
Well, I’ve started to get excited every time I get an email from Play.com or Amazon announcing sales!
Why I hear you ask again and what does that have to do with mid life crisis?
Give me chance folks; I’m getting there. I get excited because normally the sales include old stuff! Stuff that I remember! Stuff that brings back memories! And, as I left my complete record collection behind when leaving an ex boyfriend years ago….
Why?
….Because I had a limited time to leave and had to make a decision between my movie collection and my music collection! I chose my movies! Can I continue now??? Or are you asking why I left the boyfriend? That doesn’t really matter at the moment, so I’m going to continue on the thread I’m on…
I’m now without those wonderful tunes that whisk you back to moments in your life that you treasure; those memories, whether sad or happy, that remind you that you were once young! Those tunes that as soon as you hear them you can bring to mind in perfect clarity any event, place or person you wish! And I’m starting to do that often!! Too often!!
You see, I don’t drive, so I can’t go out and buy a flashy car (see a previous entry on this blog). I don’t have the money anyway even if I could drive. But I can splurge £2.99 on a CD or a movie (DVD having taken over from video since I made my rash but necessary decision all those years ago and I’m now trying to regain BOTH music and movies – hey ho). In fact, I recently splurged nearly £30 on CDs and DVDs, but at least it was quids not thousands.
I don’t usually listen, as some of you do, to continuous music. I’m not someone who has to have the radio on or the TV or a CD on as soon as I wake. I like a bit of peace and quiet and, having an Asperger son with me 24/7, quiet is normally a very rare thing anyway. But recently I’ve fancied a bit of a tune and I keep remembering songs I used to have and becoming incredibly upset if I don’t have it to hand.
Why am I getting so upset?
Actually, I’m not really sure, but I am.
I’m assuming that it’s because I’ve been feeling older recently. It came as a bit of a shock the other week when I realised that I was nearer to 50 than to 40. Reaching 40 was fine; actually I quite enjoyed it. It meant that I could finally not give a damn about what people thought of me (not that I really did anyway) and I didn’t have to pretend anymore (that, I did do, sorry), but 50! 50 sounds so old! 50 is definitely on the slidey slope down! I mean it doesn’t sound ancient, I know 50 year olds that don’t look or act it, but it’s definitely the fast track to 60 and then 70 and then, well then what? Both my parents died in their 70s so it’s not irrational to think that I will probably do the same, so, based on that, 50 is definitely the ‘not long left’ age!
Also having broken my leg last year and having complications ever since (nothing major, but enough to cause inconvenience and pain and the inability to run or even walk fast at the moment) I’ve started to look back to those days when I was young, able, fit and carefree and I want to listen to stuff that reminds me of ‘the good old days’!
To add to both those reasons above, I have a 22 year old daughter. That’s the age when my life was a ball (ages 20 – 25 being the best). I was out all the time; had a huge group of mates; experienced lots of things, most of which I can’t talk about on here; had highs; lows and generally enjoyed life (actually I enjoyed life between 17-28 pretty much continuously, but 20-25 was definitely the best. So hearing her talking about what she’s up to; seeing her spending her money on clothes, undies, etc brings back all those memories. I don’t begrudge her any of it, I’m the one that nagged her to do it earlier, but I have to admit it does make me reminisce a lot!
So am I just reminiscing or am I in crisis?
It’s a difficult question to answer! You see, apart from the above and being pretty happy with the way things are in my life (I haven’t got the energy for anything else at the moment, but I am one of those people who always thinks the grass is greener even when I know it isn’t), I’ve started to get thoughts about what it would be like to be on my own again. Being completely independent with no dependents if you follow me. Would I do ok as a single woman again. Would I be able to find work; have a decent social life; dare I say it – get another lover?
And this is when I start to wonder if it’s crisis. Does the reminiscing cause me to wonder or is it the wondering that causes the reminiscing? If I could remember which one came first it might help, but that’s like trying to work out which came first with the chicken or the egg, it’s impossible and to try would probably make my head explode!
So, due to the age thing, I’m going to say it’s mid life crisis! But feel free to argue!
xxx
Saturday, 29 May 2010
INTRODUCTION AND BIRTHDAYS
Okay I've decided to write this blog as it isn't about anything but me! It's my thoughts; whether weird, wonderful or just plain wacko. It will partly be about my life, but it will be mostly about my emotions, my dreams and any other non reality stuff that goes on in that grey blancmange that is my brain. I'm not sure if I want to publise the fact that I'm writing it, but if I do and you read it or if I don't and you come across it by accident and read it, so be it. If it means you hate me because of it, that can't be helped. If you no longer wish to be friends with me because you now think I'm completely barmy, I can't help that either. To all my friends who may find this and read it, I love you all!!! I mean no harm, no upset, no malice. Sometimes I might just have to rant and winkle out the thoughts in my head. So here goes:
I'm going to be 47 tomorrow! 47!! 3 more years and I'll be 50!!! Eeek!!!!! Needless to say I'm not a great celebrator of birthdays anymore. To be honest one birthday rolls into another one and although I'll be a year older and a year nearer to my grave, I don't/won't feel any different tomorrow to how I feel today or to how I felt last year or the year before that or the year before that to be honest!
Actually my birthdays haven't really meant much at all since my dad died! He died 4 days before my 30th birthday! It was sudden, no prolonged illness which is good, but it was a shock and not a pleasant one! He was 70! He was my dad and I loved him. He was a weird little muppet, but that made him even more special. You see my dad had been a prisoner of the Germans in WWII and that kind of made him a man of very few words and someone who never really thought anything was a problem. I mean to say, if you had been through that and survived, petty things like bills, weather, neighbours, kids, etc wouldn't exactly be that much of a big deal would they? Life would be great whatever happened as you'd be thinking that you were bloody lucky to even be alive! After being starving to the point where a piece of mouldy bread found in a field was a feast (and that is one story he told me), not having quite enough spuds for the roast dinner isn't exactly going to bring you out in hives is it? To him all life was good! That's my impression of him anyway! I never really asked him about WWII, I should have as I can imagine it would have been mind blowing, but you never do ask your parents stuff do you? It's only after they aren't there anymore that you think "Shit, wish I'd ask him/her about so and so", but, of course, by then it's too late.
My dad was fab, my mum on the other hand was a bit too out there! Mum was 10 years younger than dad, so while he was being marched, starving across fields in Germany, she was a kid running around with the rest of the kids gawping at the house of their school teacher which had been bombed and hoping that said poor woman was dead - kids, haven't changed much have they? My dad was one of 11 kids, my mum one of 4 girls! My dad wanted kids, my mum didn't!! Actually they was so chalk and cheese it always amazed me that they stayed together! But stay together they did and they had me! Just me! And I've grown up to be a slightly fucked up mixture of both of them! I love my kids, like my dad did me. Major crisis doesn't faze me just as much as it didn't faze dad and I'm secretly a romantic. But I'm independent like my mum, as mad as a hatter and prone to bouts of depression just as she was. She dreamed of travelling down the Nile and visiting the Valley of the Kings and I dream of living in the countryside on a homestead with chickens and a goat. She never realised her dream and I doubt very much if I'll ever realise mine, but hey ho, what the hell!
Back to birthdays and dad dying. The weirdest thing about the whole death thing was that my dad had gone out and bought me two videos (remember that format folks?) a couple of days before he died and the titles of those videos were 'Drop Dead Fred' and 'Flatliners' - spooky huh!!?? I still can't watch Flatliners without sobbing uncontrollably at the music at the end, although I love the film and Drop Dead Fred has other connotations that I'll go into at a later date. I cannot for the life of me remember what my mum bought me, but then why would I? That birthday was a poignant one and I think dad knew what was coming!
So as to tomorrow! Don't know what is happening, preferably nothing! I'm hoping for a quiet day with a lie in and a few pressies and a big kiss from my wonderful son. Ooo and Going Postal is on Sky1 tomorrow night and I love Terry Pratchet, so all in all it'll be another day with a few extra niceties dropped in! I will probably have a glass of wine or two or maybe even three and I will at some point have an incredible urge to watch Flatliners and have a good cry. Unfortunately I still only have it on video and our video player died years ago and we never replaced it, one day I must go out and replace the movies just so I can remember my dad in my own weird little way, not that he's ever forgotten, but is always remembered most around about now!
I'm going to be 47 tomorrow! 47!! 3 more years and I'll be 50!!! Eeek!!!!! Needless to say I'm not a great celebrator of birthdays anymore. To be honest one birthday rolls into another one and although I'll be a year older and a year nearer to my grave, I don't/won't feel any different tomorrow to how I feel today or to how I felt last year or the year before that or the year before that to be honest!
Actually my birthdays haven't really meant much at all since my dad died! He died 4 days before my 30th birthday! It was sudden, no prolonged illness which is good, but it was a shock and not a pleasant one! He was 70! He was my dad and I loved him. He was a weird little muppet, but that made him even more special. You see my dad had been a prisoner of the Germans in WWII and that kind of made him a man of very few words and someone who never really thought anything was a problem. I mean to say, if you had been through that and survived, petty things like bills, weather, neighbours, kids, etc wouldn't exactly be that much of a big deal would they? Life would be great whatever happened as you'd be thinking that you were bloody lucky to even be alive! After being starving to the point where a piece of mouldy bread found in a field was a feast (and that is one story he told me), not having quite enough spuds for the roast dinner isn't exactly going to bring you out in hives is it? To him all life was good! That's my impression of him anyway! I never really asked him about WWII, I should have as I can imagine it would have been mind blowing, but you never do ask your parents stuff do you? It's only after they aren't there anymore that you think "Shit, wish I'd ask him/her about so and so", but, of course, by then it's too late.
My dad was fab, my mum on the other hand was a bit too out there! Mum was 10 years younger than dad, so while he was being marched, starving across fields in Germany, she was a kid running around with the rest of the kids gawping at the house of their school teacher which had been bombed and hoping that said poor woman was dead - kids, haven't changed much have they? My dad was one of 11 kids, my mum one of 4 girls! My dad wanted kids, my mum didn't!! Actually they was so chalk and cheese it always amazed me that they stayed together! But stay together they did and they had me! Just me! And I've grown up to be a slightly fucked up mixture of both of them! I love my kids, like my dad did me. Major crisis doesn't faze me just as much as it didn't faze dad and I'm secretly a romantic. But I'm independent like my mum, as mad as a hatter and prone to bouts of depression just as she was. She dreamed of travelling down the Nile and visiting the Valley of the Kings and I dream of living in the countryside on a homestead with chickens and a goat. She never realised her dream and I doubt very much if I'll ever realise mine, but hey ho, what the hell!
Back to birthdays and dad dying. The weirdest thing about the whole death thing was that my dad had gone out and bought me two videos (remember that format folks?) a couple of days before he died and the titles of those videos were 'Drop Dead Fred' and 'Flatliners' - spooky huh!!?? I still can't watch Flatliners without sobbing uncontrollably at the music at the end, although I love the film and Drop Dead Fred has other connotations that I'll go into at a later date. I cannot for the life of me remember what my mum bought me, but then why would I? That birthday was a poignant one and I think dad knew what was coming!
So as to tomorrow! Don't know what is happening, preferably nothing! I'm hoping for a quiet day with a lie in and a few pressies and a big kiss from my wonderful son. Ooo and Going Postal is on Sky1 tomorrow night and I love Terry Pratchet, so all in all it'll be another day with a few extra niceties dropped in! I will probably have a glass of wine or two or maybe even three and I will at some point have an incredible urge to watch Flatliners and have a good cry. Unfortunately I still only have it on video and our video player died years ago and we never replaced it, one day I must go out and replace the movies just so I can remember my dad in my own weird little way, not that he's ever forgotten, but is always remembered most around about now!
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