THINKING ABOUT FAITH IS A LOT HARDER THAN YOU THINK

I’m having one of those days today.  I should be doing x, y and z, but I'm not in the mood, so I'm trying to do a, b and c instead.  And that isn't working out to brilliantly either.

I should be making fudge for partner’s birthday on Sunday; I say I should be making it, but really I should be helping my son make it, but neither of us is in the mood.

I should be sewing something for my daughter's birthday on Tuesday, but that isn't working out too well either as I need to go and get a couple of bits and I can't be bothered to get dressed.  Obviously in a lazy mood today although did run down to the post box earlier in my pjs as I had a form that desperately needed posting (it should have got there today rather than being posted today).  Luckily post box is less than 100 yards from the house.

So, after deciding that the above two things won't get done today, I turned to the other stuff.  The form, as I've said, got done and posted.  The urgent bill got paid, although I'm surprised as my bank account is rather heavily overdrawn at the moment; thank goodness for overdraft facilities. The washing got done, although now I have to bung it in the tumble dryer as it's a bit late to get it outside and even if it wasn't, it's been raining.  The last thing I should be doing and I am trying to do is my homework.

"What homework?" I hear you say.

Well, I have had a book called A Witch Alone for years.  I've dipped in and out of it, checking and researching information, but I've never read it from cover to cover and never followed it as it should be followed. It's basically a practical guide to being a Hedgewitch and has lunar monthly chapters with reading, exercises and research to do.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Witch-Alone-Thirteen-Master-Natural/dp/0007133235/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1424447199&sr=1-1&keywords=a+witch+alone

http://hedgewitchforest.com/

I've been wanting to do it since I bought it and have finally decided that this year was the year to start.  January's went well and I've got rather a lot of info printed up and I enjoyed it, but this month, I'm struggling. 

This month is all about The Goddess and her consort The God.  I'm supposed to consider what it means to have a Goddess and a God with many forms, also to read and think about religious experience and how it has affected me in the past. Plus I'm supposed to divide a page and list attributes, symbols or titles for each; matching as I go if I can.  There are a couple of other things that are mainly reading and research and that isn't too bad, neither is the list of attributes, but the bit about religious experience and how it has affected me is, how shall we say, really hard.

I was brought up Christian, by Sunday school teacher parents and, although they never made me go to church as I grew older, I certainly had to go as a child.  Religion then and does still have issues for me. 

I always felt that there was something missing, something unsaid, something hidden and as I've got older I'm even more suspect of religions. The more research I do, the more I found out about missing books, texts, different translations, etc, the more suspicious I get.  I’m not a lover of rules and rituals as they seem so 'man'made rather than 'god'made and to discover that a lot of woman have been removed from religious text or condemned as evil reinforces the ‘man’made element to me.

Even in the pagan world I have issues with wording and ritual.  For starters I don’t like the word ‘invoke’.  I know that it means ‘to ask’ ‘to appeal’ but it can also mean ‘to call forth or upon (a spirit) by incantation’ or ‘to cause, call forth, or bring about’ which seems to me to be a demand.  Now I won’t demand anything to come to me (apart from my dog of course); I don’t feel that I need to invoke anything, I feel that spirits, corners, whatever you want to call it/them are all around me anyway; including God if I was to think in my Christian upbringing.  If this is the case, they will help me or not as they will.  I can pay homage to them, ask their help, but I certainly cannot and will not demand or call in.

Does this mean that any work I do with the Goddess won’t be valued?  I don’t think so, but maybe others would.  I suppose the very fact that I’m thinking about it on a deeper, emotional level is exactly what the book is asking me to do, but even as I’m writing this and I’ve been attempting to write it all evening, I’m coming up with more conflicting views on the whole thing.

Must admit, learning is never an easy thing and when it comes to choosing and following a path of faith it’s even harder.

Perhaps I should just step back for a bit, have a really good think and come back to it a bit later on when I’m not stressing about overdrafts, birthday presents and such like.

I need to meditate!

HALLOWEEN IS COMING!!!

Ok, I've got to get this out of my system:

I LOVE HALLOWEEN!!!

There, I've said it! Yay!!

I don't quite know what it is about Halloween, but I've always loved it. Might have something to do with the fact that I've always been fascinated with the macarbe and I used to love ghost stories when I was a kid. And, as some of you may remember from a previous post, I do believe in ghosts and have one of my own (well several actually, but I've already written about that).

I come from a very religious family, so maybe it originates as a bit of a rebellion towards that as well, but I'm not entirely sure on that one.

I am also interested in herbal medicine and pagan beliefs, although I wouldn't actual class myself as one as I'm not disciplined enough. I've been called a witch quite a lot in my life too, but I don't think that's because they think I can do magic - haha.

I do know that Halloween or All Hallows Eve is the beginning of the Celtic New Year in the Old Religion. You could also say that there is a link to Harvest Festival as it's a time when crops were brought in, animals were also brought back from the fields and perishable foods were eaten before the long winter months ahead. It's also said to be a time to remember the past year and to remember those that have passed on, hence the storytelling.

I know that nowadays it's very commercialised (as are most festivals to be honest) and very Americanised too and most people seem to think that it's an American festival, but it isn't, it's been around for centuries.

I love it because it gives me a chance to indulge myself in silliness and be a bit creative. This year I'm doing pumpkins and skeletons as my theme. The aim is to have a church/funeral parlour front room (I'm going to dress up as a Victorian Funeral Director and Callum is going to be the Grim Reaper) which leads into the 'graveyard' which will be the dining room. I'm currently doing the decorations for the living room which will include a 'stained glass' window (tissue paper and card), a tapestry 'alter cloth' and lots of pumpkin candle holders, which I had to make as the candle holders I already had were ghosts! Nothing that a few old jam jars and some glass paint won't fix! Plus of course the pumpkins themselves (see above). Obviously they need to be carved, but that's a last minute job. Grew those ourselves by the way.

The dining room will be covered in black bin liners and I'm making a grey card mausoleum to cover my large unit. The table will be, hopefully, a grave with the chairs being tombstones and, of course, all the food will have a ghastly twist.

I've probably set myself a too huge a task, but this is the first year in this house that I can truely go over the top. The first year here, we'd only just moved in, so had nothing. I hated it! Only had sweets to give out and it was awful. You see I don't do sweets for trick or treaters; I do cupcakes! Usually something pretty gross looking like witches fingers (apple wedges sticking out with flaked almonds painted red for fingernails) or dead fly cakes (green cakes with green icing and sultana and flaked almond flies on top). However, this year I managed to get a gruesome cupcake book in the sale and am trying some of those out instead. Usually end up making about 48+ cakes and they normally all go! The second year here, last year, I was still hobbling around after breaking my leg, so again didn't really get much done. Although did manage the cakes and had a small party for Callum with a couple of his friends. But this year I'm going for it! Got two years to make up for, so kids had better watch out - haha!

I know Halloween isn't for everyone's tastes and I do know that there are people out there who don't like people knocking on their doors and that's fine. There are also kids out there who basically use it as a good excuse to cause havoc, which isn't so nice and what gives it it's bad reputation, but I love it and I'm going to enjoy it until someone tells me I can't!

Oh well, it's now past midnight (it's the witching hour - hehe) and I'm off to bed.

Cya

WEIRDNESS!

Hmmm! Not sure if it's a phase or whether it's because I've been feeling a bit crap, but I have been having the weirdest of dreams this past week!!

Now, I'm not into dreams meaning something, but I do think it's the brain's way of filing away information and sorting out the rubbish from the important (the rubbish coming out in the dreams). Normally after a particularly odd one, I can relate people, places, incidents with recent real people, places, incidents even if they are a bit 'off', but the one's I've been having this week have completely thrown me!!

I've had a least two this past week which have concerned clones, my daughter, shoes and David Tennant!! Strange combination unless you see a Dr Who connection which is entirely plausible. Although I haven't been watching Dr Who recently and DT hasn't played him for a while, but it does seem that my brain has dragged something up from the dark recesses. The first one I had started with myself and Terri (my daughter) walking down to the Strand (our local beach area) and I kept seeing buildings that weren't supposed to be there (a pub, tattoo shop and a cafe) and strange people who all looked the same. Mr T then turned up out of the blue and told us to run (in the best Dr Who fashion), but Terri wouldn't as she was in heels and her flip flops, which were in her bag, didn't match her outfit (sorry Terri, wonder where that comes from - hehe). We ran into a cafe and sat drinking tea(!?!) while Mr T decided what we should do! End of dream one!

A couple of nights later, I had pretty much the same dream, although we were now in a shopping centre! All the shops were staffed by these clones and, again, Mr Tennant showed up and told us to run! This time Terri was already in flip flops so we ran down this corridor and outside, but we ended up on top of the building!!!?? Now I hate heights so this wasn't entirely a pleasant experience! Mr T was telling us to jump onto the other roof (I think that bit may have come from a book I'm reading), but I wouldn't do it! Terri and Mr T did and kept yelling at me to join them, but I still refused! So they jumped back and we ended up in a car which happened to be there and drove down and out of the building (the roof suddenly becoming a roof top car park! End of dream two!

Why my son wasn't in these dreams I've no idea and why we didn't get straight into the car in the second one seems a bit odd. I've gone over these two dreams but the only link I've got to real world is the roof jump reference in the book. Everything else seems totally random!

I had one last night with Sarah Jessica Parker in it!!!! It involved shoes (again) being stuck in sands (possible beach day yesterday, although no shoes involved). There were strange people in adjoining houses and they all wanted to get to these shoes and we (SJP and myself) had to stop them!!! There was flooding (possible recent news items) and lots of slimy plants (again I think that's from the book I'm reading), but it was all really weird!

I've had a couple of other similar type dreams; short, random and supernatural. Most have contained one of my children, but never both and none of them have made any sense whatsoever! None have been particularly scary; I haven't woken up feeling like I've had a nightmare, but I have felt a little unsettled!

I admit that I've been feeling very tired and run down this week and maybe that's why I've been having them. Any ideas on what clones represent or why shoes seemed to be a prominent feature (I can't remember any other item of clothing) would be gratefully received!

With regard to anything else this week, P did not go and sort out rubbish, but haven't had any dogs appearing at fence so that's good. I've been told that P will buy me a laptop when his inheritance comes through (his aunt died recently and the estate is being sorted), although I think I'd rather he spent any monies due on finishing up some of the house! And an old work colleague has been in touch (after almost 11yrs) and we've got together and had lunch, which is a good thing!

So a good, quiet week, but with very strange dreams!! Hmm, weird!!!

AAAAH THAT'S BETTER

Hi all

Have chilled a bit this week, so hopefully no ranting!!!

Went away this past weekend to Great Yarmouth with partner and Callum as it was Callum's birthday and we took his friend (also a Callum) with us. Was great fun for the boys as they spent most of the time between the beach and the arcades. However, not so much fun for me as my beloved partner who is "not interested in football and I only want to watch the England match" spent most of the day in the caravan watching every bloody match that was showing!!! Grrrr!

Ooops, a rant, sorry!

What else has been on my mind? Well, I've had some strange conversations with people over the past couple of weeks, all unconnected, about paranormal activity! Which kind of brings me back to my first blog about my dad and the Drop Dead Fred video. Those of you of a nervous disposition should probably stop reading now - hehe. So here goes:

When I was young I lived in a two bedroomed Council house in Twydall. I had the smaller front bedroom to start with, but when I got older (probably about 8ish) I moved into the back bedroom which was a lot bigger. The door of the room had a very stiff handle which you had to push down and then push a bit more. A bit like the zoom on a digital camera; you zoom in as far as you can, wait a microsecond and then zoom in a bit more (well that's how mine works anyway). Needless to say the bedroom door had a knack to it and it was one of the reasons I was moved in there; I could do it, but my dad, who was in his 50s by then, was having trouble with it as did my mum. I loved that room! It was big enough for me to separate into two areas; bed area and seating area with my record player and my books!

Anyway I'm digressing, but it is pretty important to lay down the grounding to the story. My parents were both ex Sunday School teachers and mum was very religious. I was sent to Sunday School, but never felt 'right' going and I still feel uncomfortable in a church; but that's another blog. Because of mum's religious beliefs she did not under any circumstances believe in ghosts or anything supernatural. She believed you died and went to heaven or hell and that was it! So when I, at the tender age of 8ish, would come downstairs and announce that my bed rocked every night and that my door was always open in the morning she wouldn't have any of it. Her explanation was that I must have dreamt the bed rocking and the door being open must have been me going to the toilet in the night and not remembering. Hmmm! Every night mum?? Seems a bit excessive. And there was more. We started having sharp utensils such as carving knives, bread knives and scissors going missing and they would turn up buried in the garden a few weeks later. Mum's answer: the dog!! Now I know that dogs are intelligent and Rex our mongrel was pretty cool, but to only steal knives and scissors!? And never to cut his mouth!? That seemed a little far fetched to me! I was convinced we had a ghost! Not an unfriendly one, but a ghost nonetheless!!

This phenomenon went on until I left home at 18, the only changes were that knives stopped going missing, but every time I got upset light bulbs would blow all at once and sometimes electrical items would fuse! Now that makes it sound like I'd get in a temper or a wailing moment and the electrics would go, but it wasn't like that. I didn't cry much as a kid as mum was never sympathetic, so I learned to keep upset inside, but whenever it got bad within a few days something would go; either all the bulbs or the hoover would fuse or the telly. It got pretty weird actually, but I was ok with it.

As I've said I left home at 18 and moved in with my then boyfriend and things were good. No bed rocking, no missing implements, no blown bulbs! But, a couple of days after I'd left my mum rang me rather shakily and said "your bed rocks!" Der!!! Yeah!! I've been telling you that for nigh on 10years!! "I'm not sleeping in there, I'm going back on the sofa!"

Two weeks later I got another phone call from mum saying that she'd slept on the sofa for a couple of days and then went back to the bed. She said that the rocking had continued, but that it wasn't unpleasant, but that it had now stopped! She thought she'd let me know! The very next day every light bulb in my house blew and the hoover stopped working! On opening up the plug, all the wires had been pulled out! The kettle then went and exactly the same thing had happened in that plug too! Now some of you would probably have freaked out by this point, but I'd been living with it for over half my life by this point and I actually rather liked my little ghost! I'd even given him a name - Harry! And I often spoke to him as I did on this occasion. "Stop mucking about Harry, so you've found me, now pack it in!" is normally the kind of thing I say! And every time I've moved the same thing has happened. All quiet for a couple of weeks and then it starts again!

I suppose the most freakiest moments were after I had my daughter, Terri. We had a border collie then called Max who was very protective of her. When she was born I'd told Harry that he didn't need to look after me anymore and that he should keep and eye on Terri instead. That evening when we took her up to bed, Max refused to leave her bedroom door and spent the next hour staring at some random spot on the wall next to her room. The next day the hoover blew as did the microwave and the kettle. It appeared that Max didn't like Harry watching Terri and Harry was sulking! Another time I lost my rag with him as I couldn't find any scissors again (I think he takes sharp things to prevent children hurting themselves), so I yelled at him to pack it in and go away! The lightbulbs went on that occasion and then it was quiet! A week or so later I was out in the garden with Terri (a toddler by then) and my neighbour came out and asked if I knew anything about imaginary friends. I asked her why and she said that her youngest boy had suddenly started to talk to someone and it was freaking her out! Apparently he was having proper conversations with pauses in the flow of speech as if listening to the reply. I asked if she knew who/what it was and she replied that it was a man called, wait for it, Harry!!!! "Ah" I said, "he's mine!" I then explained everything to the poor woman and told her to tell him to pack it in and come home. I said she would probably feel pretty daft, but it would work. She did and it did. Her son stopped having conversations and my hoover blew again!!! Welcome home Harry!

Harry is still with me although not so active as he once was! I still get phases of things not working properly and they are normally related to times when I'm either extremely stressed or very upset, but it's fine and he's never been violent. I've been told by several 'medium' type people that he's my Grandad, but I'm not entirely sure as I never met my Grandad and I've never seen Harry, although one of my ex boyfriends apparently did! An old man with lots of white hair was his description and that is pretty much what my Grandad looks like in an old photo I have! I think he's quieter now as there are more of them than before. I'm pretty sure my dad is with me as is a old woman and a young boy, but again I've never seen them fully, only in those far reaches of the eye, but things do happen around me and I do get a lot of 'feelings', so I'm not dismissing it at all.

So Drop Dead Fred!!! My dad was a canny one! He believed me even if mum didn't and I think his choice of video was his way of saying it. As I've already said I think he knew what was coming! Bless him!