MONDAY MORNING.....WHAT THE HELL?

Ok, I've had a rather fab weekend.  Seem to be making a habit of those lately.  Saturday was a lazy one with a bit of shopping, bit of gardening, bit of telly catching upping, you're getting the idea and Sunday was the excellent Fuse Festival in Rochester Castle grounds with my beloved son, who is now the grand old age of 16!  We love the Fuse Festival and, luckily, it always falls on the weekend of his birthday so we can't forget it, hehe and it gives us something definite to do.  Favourite acts of the year were The Giant Balloon Show, which, no matter how many times we see it, still cracks us up and The Most Dangerous Cup of Tea in the World which was very silly with a bit of slapstick thrown in.

 

Giant Balloon 

 

Dangerous Cup of Tea




However, last night, for some unknown reason, I couldn't get comfortable and therefore didn't sleep well.  This has meant that I've woken up later than I wanted and am totally 'not with it'.  I'd like to sit in the corner and play silly buggers on FB or watch a movie.  What I NEED to do is clean up, feed the dogs, sort out dinner for later, do my finances and check what my son is up to on the home ed front.  Can't believe it's nearly 1.30pm and I haven't even put my bed away (I sleep on a Zbed downstairs due to back and sleep problems).  I have a feeling that this week is going to be a long one. There has already been one change of plan and I sense there is more on the way.

I'm still in Glastonbury panic mode although nowhere near as bad as before, but I will feel better once I've packed, repacked, sorted, probably packed again and know that everything is ready.  I probably won't be truely relaxed until we are there and the tent is up; damn this anxiety thingy.

It's also a friend's birthday this week and do you think I can find the present I made her?  Nope, of course I can't....Grrrrrr!  So will have to get something small and give the actual present to her when I've found it.  It's around somewhere!

Anyway, just a quickie.  Really must get going and get on with stuff as supposed to be off to cinema later this evening and want to tick off my list before I go.

Cya

GOT THAT FRIDAY FEELING!

It’s Friday – woo hoo!!

It’s PJ day – double woo hoo!!

It has been a long week this week as it’s the busy one with home ed as we’ve had two lots of trampolining and the start of our course at Royal Engineers Museum.  I’ve also been having trouble sleeping; averaging about 5 hours a night and some of that broken, so been a bit of a zombie.

Today, however, and maybe because I know it’s an easy day, I’m feeling fine.  Catching up on computer bits; new timetable, accounts both my own and trampoline class’, orders, Facebook, etc, etc.  I’ve made soup for lunch and Callum has been pottering too, catching up with some work and fiddling about with computer bits.

I’m also feeling extremely loved!  My birthday isn’t until tomorrow, but I’ve already been treated to a cinema night, seeing Mad Max which was like a post-apocalyptic Fast and Furious on steroids and totally brilliant, been given a beautiful ‘Stonehenge’ oil burner, a book, several cards and umpteen bunches of flowers, so my house smells wonderful.

Tulips and Parrot Tulips

Roses plus

More roses, Arum Lillies plus

I’ve got a day out planned with my daughter for my actual birthday and a breakfast being bought for me next Tuesday!  I’m feeling very lucky and very privileged to have such fab friends and gorgeous children; my son, Callum, giving me more money for my Glastonbury fund.

I’m pleased to announce that this week’s blog has no moans or groans and is short.  Must be a first!!

Cya

http://www.re-museum.co.uk/

http://www.therochesterflea.com/

ANXIETY Vs DEPRESSION: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

I want to start by saying that I’ve just had a fab weekend.  Yup, really!

Friday my son and I met up with some friends and went to Margate.  Initially it was supposed to be a visit to the Turner Gallery for an exhibition and a wander round before heading off to the beach for a laze, look at the sea and meet up with some other friends of ours that live there.  On a bit of a reconnaissance check a couple of days before, I’d discovered that, although the exhibition we wanted to see was open, the rest of the gallery was shut. ‘Fine’ my friend said, ‘let’s still go’, so we did.

We get there; the weather is great, not too hot, and not too cold.  We walked to the gallery and, although the exhibition was on, it wasn’t functioning (it was supposed to be cymbals, which you could ‘play’) as there was a conference going on and they didn’t want the sound to interfere. Hrumph!!  This isn’t good.  So I decide to find out about the Shell Grotto as haven’t been since The Boy was small; it’s open, we go, its fab!  Then back to the beach, later than anticipated, to meet up, briefly, with said local friends. What could have been a disastrous day turned out quite good. Phew!

Then Saturday I went off on my ownsie to Comic Con at Excel Centre, London!  Was so nice not to have to worry about anyone else’s stresses, anxieties, wants and not wants; I left home when I was ready, I did what I wanted to do, attended whatever talks I fancied and I came home when I was ready.  Lovely!

Sunday; I pretty much slept all day and caught up with telly in between snoozes.

Monday I should have woken up refreshed, but noooooooo!!  I’d had trouble getting to sleep Sunday night (fair enough as I’d slept off and on for most of the day) and I woke up at 6am!  Wide awake, but not really with it; mentally gone, but physically hyper active; so spent all day pottering about cleaning, washing, hanging said washing out to dry, dusting, sorting and catching up with the odd prog I didn’t manage to watch the day before.  Went to bed at a reasonable hour, for me, and slept well.

Expected to wake up feeling gooooooood; I didn’t!  Today I am still tired, but I’m not only mentally tired, I’m physically tired too; I could quite happily have the day at home doing a bit more tidying up, having a lovely soak in the bath and generally taking it easy.  I can’t!  It’s private trampolining for The Boy today and, because we are already out, it’ll be a trip to the library to return a book, Subway for late lunch, passport photos for me as I’m running out of time to get an ID card for Glasto and another trip into the bank to take money from The Boy’s book account to pay directly into my credit card as his telly blew yesterday.

Now I know that isn’t a lot, I know that, actually, that’s a pretty easy day, but I’m getting sick of it all.  I’m fed up with organising anything and everything, I’m totally stressing about money, I was stressed all yesterday in case he ‘blew’ his new telly because of some miss-wiring in his computer (he built it and so far all is well) and, because I’m stressed, my brain keeps returning to the dreaded renewal of DLA which still hasn’t dropped through my door yet! Aaargh! I’m beginning to feel like those kids at school that, by the middle of July, are just desperate for the term to end and the summer holidays to begin. I want it all to stop!

I’m wondering if I’m depressed again; symptoms like being tired, erratic sleeping, feeling brain dead, not wanting to face things, etc are here again.  But, I do want to go out, even if it is mainly by myself. I do want to get dressed and take care of myself so I don’t think I’m depressed.  I’m just anxious.  I’m just stressed.  Hence the title of this blog; Anxiety vs Depression: What’s the Difference?  I must look into it!

Cya

DREAMS - WHAT ARE THEY?

Okay, Mother’s Day today, so happy mother’s day to you all and I hope you have all had a good one!

I know that many of you out there will have spent your day with your family and mothers, grandmothers and possibly great grandmothers, but I had a perfectly quiet afternoon in front of the DVD player. My son and partner were in the house, but they left me alone. They know I love my movies and, because of home edding, it’s rare to be able to watch movies at a reasonable hour and to be able to watch ANY movie I like.

I had a film fest last Saturday when Callum went off to his friend’s and Phil pottered about the house and it was wonderful. So, when asked what I’d like, I replied “another movie afternoon please”. I know that neither Phil or Callum (or us as a whole to be honest) have a lot of money, so I didn’t want loads of things bought that would have cost a lot and I’d probably never use. My daughter bought me a fresh supply of skincare from Clinique which was ab fab as that is very expensive and I love the stuff. So thank you very much Terri. But as to P and C, I asked for a peaceful afternoon.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my partner and my son and I love home educating him and having him around, but the joy of spending some me time is a wonderful luxury too.

So, last week, I had an assassin weekend with Hitman and Leon with a bit of Lock Stock thrown in at the end. This weekend I fancied pure escape and went for alternative reality. Starting with Inception and followed by The Matrix. I do have a bit of a thing for this type of movie. I love the questions they raise; that whole “could this be real and reality not real” kind of thing. I’m not a great fan of Matrix 2 and 3, but the original is brilliant.

So, the questions are: has anyone had a dream within a dream? Also what is déjà vu? And do other people have dreams that are so real that they seem like an alternative life? If so, do you miss them when you awake?

I’ll answer them from my point of view in the order above.

Yes, I have had a dream within a dream and it was bloody freaky to be honest! I can’t remember what the original dream was about, but I know it was scary and I woke up! I turned over and said to my then boyfriend that I’d just had a bad dream and he turned to face me and started talking in this really awful voice, like he was possessed. I then woke up for real! I’ve never had one since and I never want to, but it was rather disturbing at the time.

What is déjà vu? Actually I can’t answer that one as I haven’t the foggiest, but I do remember having a very distinct case of it when on a school trip to the Cotswolds. I felt like I’d been down the street we were on before and I knew that there was a certain shop in the next one, but I also knew that I’d never been to the Cotswolds before. However, round the corner, there was the shop! Was that déjà vu or just luck or a case of previous life experience or a glitch in the matrix? I don’t know but it was very, very weird!

As to dreams being so real that they seem like alternative lives, I have those often. Consecutive dreams, like serial dreams, but a bit more disjointed and sometimes repeated. But they are very real. I can almost go into a dream from where I left off, but, as mentioned in Inception, I can’t remember where the dream originally starts from. It does always appear to be bang in the middle.
I rather like these dreams. They are escapist dreams; dreams where, even though everything might not be perfect, it is always resolvable, always ends up right. I’ve had extreme arguments and fights in these dreams, but they always turn out ok. Life is often extreme in them. Maybe they are moments that I’ve missed out on and my mind replays what might have happened. Some are completely bizarre and never make sense at all when awake, but make perfect sense whilst dreaming. And do I miss them when awake? Hell, yeah! I love dreaming! I love my life, but I love dreaming just as much. In fact, I love sleeping, haha.

Does that make me a bad person? I don’t think so. I think it makes me a patient person and probably keeps me sane (although some of you reading this might now think I’m completely mental). No matter what life throws at me, and believe me it can throw hard sometimes, I always know that at the end of the day the dreams will be waiting. I’ve solved problems in my dreams, I’ve had ideas and breakthroughs in my dreams and that has helped in the real world. And when all is said and done, who’s to say that the dreams aren’t real and this ‘awake’ life isn’t!

Happy dreaming!

Cya

5.30AM IS PRETTY, BUT NOT WHAT I WANT TO SEE

Well I can't sleep again!!! Don't know what is wrong with me, I'm normally the world's best sleeper, if patchy! Been back on the sofa this week as Phil bashing the bathroom to bits and the dust, etc, gets onto my chest and I wheeze all night! I experimented with sleeping on the sofa last time and found it comfy, so now that's what I do when he takes a week off to DIY.

However, this week I've not been able to sleep as well. Been snuggling down about 11pm (which is a little early for me) and going off to sleep fine, but then I'm waking up about 3am and I'm wide awake!!!! It's not daylight as that isn't happening until now, as I write, so I have no idea why! Some nights I've just played on my DS for an hour and managed to get back to sleep, but I'm still waking at 7.30am! I'm never awake at 7.30am! The other night I slept for about 4hrs, was awake for 2hrs, slept for a further 2.5hrs and was then awake! It's driving me mad!

I've been really busy too. Been attempting to keep house dust free downstairs, been out and about and been working in the garden, so I should be knackered! But NO!

I gave up this morning after being awake at 3.30am and tossing and turning until 4.30! I got up and made a cuppa and checked out Facebook which is a bit quiet at that time of day needless to say, but got my games done, haha. Am now watching the sun come up outside while typing this and wondering whether it's worth going back to see if I can get some sleep! I have so much to do today that it probably isn't worth it as I know I'll feel worse later, but I'm visiting a friend this afternoon and don't want to end up dozing off on her!

So, what to do next! Can't put the washing on as my machine is on it's way out and is extremely noisy and can't tidy up either as that's too noisy and I don't want Callum up just yet! Might go watch TV on low, might read my book, might do something else, but I have at least 2 more hrs to kill before C is up and about and that seems like a really long time to be doing 'nothing'!

Oh well, let's go put the kettle on again and see if I can get inspired! At least with the daylight arriving I no longer have to walk around the house with a torch, haha.

Cya