Hi all, didn't post yesterday as I was exhausted. After a busy weekend pottering in garden, looking after baby granddaughter and being out with friends on the Monday I was already knackered.
Tuesday morning came and I started the pill popping (see last entry), got up and met another friend of mine for a coffee and a swap of cash for catalogue and party orders. Sometimes we go out for a coffee and a bit of shopping, sometimes she comes to me and we have a morning at mine with tea and cake. After finishing the shopping, coming home, feeding dog, hanging out the washing on the line and planting the two new honeysuckle bushes I'd bought in the 99p store, I had a cuppa and waiting for my son to get up. And I waited and I waited. Ended up taking up a cuppa to him at 12.10pm to get him up as we had trampoline lesson in the afternoon. Walked there, went to Subway (took it home instead of staying in) and came home. I ached like hell by this point, was absoluted knackered as I'd have approx 4 hours sleep again and so cancelled another visit that I was supposed to do that day. Hate cancelling things, but I know that at times, its what is best for me and especially now. I have to be kind to me!! Fell asleep for about 15mins on the sofa in the early evening, curled up on sofa and watched mong telly in the later part of the evening and actually had an early night. Woo hoo!
Today, feeling a little bit more 'with it' although still tired. Sunshine was a good thing this morning and I decided that I must reintroduce a schedule for doing some home education. It's now April and we have just over 3 months before the open day, so we need to get work done. C got up and we had a bit of a discussion. Going to tackle a bit at a time and use science kits as much as we can as they mean I don't have to spend ages prepping anything as it's already done for us. Just need to double check if we need to add anything to the kits beforehand.
So, we made a start on Genetics and DNA kit and I left him to fill in a Vitamin question and answer sheet from a project that we started ages ago and never actually did anything with. Again means I don't have to think too much.
I also went through my diary and cancelled a few things that I really didn't want to do in the first place and pencilled in some 'keep free' dates so that I don't overbook myself. I know that a lot of how I feel is about management. It's about learning to say no, about prioritising and not expecting myself to do too much. I am my own worst enemy as I want to do everything and that is physically impossible.
Maybe the fact that I'm now in my 50s isn't helping. I may not consciously be thinking that I'm running out of time, but maybe subconsciously I am. Working on the fact that your parents age of dying equates roughly to your own age, although that isn't a scientific formula, and obviously health and diet will contribute to that I'm working on the fact I should have approximately 20-25 years left!!! Eeeeek, that is nowhere near long enough and as my physical health isn't exactly brilliant I could have less than that to be physically active. That is actually a rather scary thought and I do end up falling into the trap of saying yes to absolutely everything as I want to cram it all in. I know that they say you SHOULD live for today, but today still only has 24 hrs in it and you have to factor in sleep, rest, food, toilet breaks, etc haha, so I really should give myself a break and stop thinking the worst and spread it out a bit.
At the moment I've decided to give myself a small lists of tasks to do each day and I'll work on ticking them off. If I start to struggle, then I know that the list is too long and if I find it becomes easy, then I'll start adding. That way I should build up the list until it is managable and I'm happy with it. The list will include boring housework stuff, paperworky stuff (filing, bills, etc), home ed stuff, garden stuff, social stuff and crafty stuff that I like (hopefully 1 or 2 craft items). Sounds a lot doesn't it, but some jobs shouldn't take too long so it shouldn't be impossible to do although I will give myself a break if I don't get it all done straight away and obviously not everything will be on the list every day.
So, in short, today I'm feeling a bit more positive, although still tired and achy. Whether I feel the same tomorrow, I don't know. We shall see.
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