2017! WHAT THE F...? OH I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!

Frosty Leaves

Finally, the new year is here!  It's been months since I posted but, to be honest, after the whole PIP debunkle, I 'shut down' for a month and concentrated on the festive season and having a 'brain holiday'.

The year has started all good.  PIP, which we won at the higher rate (which I wasn't expecting), has now started to be paid in and ESA is coming in too.  I've renewed his bus pass and regained his CEA card (Cinema card to those not in the know - holder pays and carer goes free).  I've now reapplied for my Carers Allowance even though I have a part time job just because I'm sodding entitled and if they hadn't been such arse breaths about the whole thing I probably wouldn't have bothered as I'm getting Carers Credit, which means my National Insurance is at least getting paid even though I'm not actually receiving any money, plus my wages are so low I'm not paying any through that.  So I, theoretically, can breathe for a couple of years as court over-rode the decision and awarded it until he is 21; he's currently 17, 18 in June.

So what are we going to do with this new found 'wealth'?  Well, apart from having to use it to get food as my partner's current job doesn't pay as much as the old one did and they seem to have cocked up last month's wages, although he hasn't tried to sort it out; he just cut my money by £200 this month instead!!! So the old adage of 'give in one hand, take from the other' seems to still be in existence.

What we have done, however, is sign him up for his online BTech and I've joined Ancestry so I can finally spend some time researching my family tree; been meaning to do it for years, but just never got round to it.  I'm also sending my DNA off to see where in the world I originate from.  Some will say "NOOOOOOO!! They now have your DNA on record!", but to be honest I don't care as if they wanted it they would probably already have it along with my fingerprints and any other identity proving methods such as skin cells and probably stool samples.  Let's face it, there is enough online information and CCTV footage of and about pretty much everyone that nothing feels secret or sacred anymore.

I also want to sort out his provisional driving license so he can have driving lessons and I want to sort out passports even though we probably won't be able to afford to travel abroad even if we are allowed too under the Brexit regime.  Although the way things are going we won't be leaving anyway as it's now gone to a parliamentary vote before they can/will invoke Article 50 (or at least that's the way I'm reading it; not taking a great deal of notice of worldly affairs at the moment because it's suddenly gone a little loopy drawers and I'd rather not know; *sticks fingers in ears and skips along the road singing 'la la la la la'*).  But, to be honest, I think Europe will still kick us to the kerb anyway just for being arrogant enough to want to leave in the first place.

I could probably do with replacing the washing machine as the door lock is getting temperamental, the tumble dryer squeaks like a dying rat and the fan in my range cooker has to be 'spun' with a skewer to get it going, but they are 'things' and I don't want to replace 'things' even though I know that one day the whole lot will got phut and I'll be sobbing into my cuppa.  I want to do long term things with it like sorting out passports, doing something fun, maybe even have a holiday (been 4 years since we had one of those and then it was only a 5 day break on a Haven site; hardly 'holiday of a lifetime' stuff) and, of course, squirrel some cash away for a rainy day (mainly for my son as most of it is actually his money, not mine so always feel hugely guilty if I spend it on anything but something for him).

I'm also hibernating a bit as I really can't be arsed with going out and being sociable; the best I can summon up the energy for is a cuppa in a cafe, a night round someone's house flopping on their sofa instead of mine or losing myself in a movie at the flicks.  Have done a couple of family things, but nothing major and I'm preferring to be at home having a bit of a clear out or sitting with a pen and paper making plans that I probably won't get round to, but at least I've thought about.  I have popped out into the garden to take some frosty photos and to have a peruse at what veggies are left to eat and to look in disgust at the small salad plot that has somehow turned into a neighbouring cat's litter box.  However, all will change once the fear of frost is over and I can go out and have a proper tidy up and cut back and begin to sow.  Beware cat!  I know who you are!!

So, that's a quick(ish) run down of 2017 so far and I'm sure this wonderful time of calm, contemplation and general laziness won't last and I'll be back to my normal ranty, irritated and generally disgruntled self before long.

Cya

Frosty Web

WEDNESDAY AND TRYING TO GET A SCHEDULE BACK

Hi all, didn't post yesterday as I was exhausted.  After a busy weekend pottering in garden, looking after baby granddaughter and being out with friends on the Monday I was already knackered.

Tuesday morning came and I started the pill popping (see last entry), got up and met another friend of mine for a coffee and a swap of cash for catalogue and party orders.  Sometimes we go out for a coffee and a bit of shopping, sometimes she comes to me and we have a morning at mine with tea and cake.  After finishing the shopping, coming home, feeding dog, hanging out the washing on the line and planting the two new honeysuckle bushes I'd bought in the 99p store, I had a cuppa and waiting for my son to get up.  And I waited and I waited.  Ended up taking up a cuppa to him at 12.10pm to get him up as we had trampoline lesson in the afternoon.  Walked there, went to Subway (took it home instead of staying in) and came home. I ached like hell by this point, was absoluted knackered as I'd have approx 4 hours sleep again and so cancelled another visit that I was supposed to do that day.  Hate cancelling things, but I know that at times, its what is best for me and especially now.  I have to be kind to me!!  Fell asleep for about 15mins on the sofa in the early evening, curled up on sofa and watched mong telly in the later part of the evening and actually had an early night.  Woo hoo!

Today, feeling a little bit more 'with it' although still tired.  Sunshine was a good thing this morning and I decided that I must reintroduce a schedule for doing some home education.  It's now April and we have just over 3 months before the open day, so we need to get work done.  C got up and we had a bit of a discussion.  Going to tackle a bit at a time and use science kits as much as we can as they mean I don't have to spend ages prepping anything as it's already done for us.  Just need to double check if we need to add anything to the kits beforehand.

So, we made a start on Genetics and DNA kit and I left him to fill in a Vitamin question and answer sheet from a project that we started ages ago and never actually did anything with.  Again means I don't have to think too much.

I also went through my diary and cancelled a few things that I really didn't want to do in the first place and pencilled in some 'keep free' dates so that I don't overbook myself.  I know that a lot of how I feel is about management.  It's about learning to say no, about prioritising and not expecting myself to do too much.  I am my own worst enemy as I want to do everything and that is physically impossible.

Maybe the fact that I'm now in my 50s isn't helping.  I may not consciously be thinking that I'm running out of time, but maybe subconsciously I am.  Working on the fact that your parents age of dying equates roughly to your own age, although that isn't a scientific formula, and obviously health and diet will contribute to that I'm working on the fact I should have approximately 20-25 years left!!!  Eeeeek, that is nowhere near long enough and as my physical health isn't exactly brilliant I could have less than that to be physically active.  That is actually a rather scary thought and I do end up falling into the trap of saying yes to absolutely everything as I want to cram it all in.  I know that they say you SHOULD live for today, but today still only has 24 hrs in it and you have to factor in sleep, rest, food, toilet breaks, etc haha, so I really should give myself a break and stop thinking the worst and spread it out a bit.

At the moment I've decided to give myself a small lists of tasks to do each day and I'll work on ticking them off.  If I start to struggle, then I know that the list is too long and if I find it becomes easy, then I'll start adding.  That way I should build up the list until it is managable and I'm happy with it.  The list will include boring housework stuff, paperworky stuff (filing, bills, etc), home ed stuff, garden stuff, social stuff and crafty stuff that I like (hopefully 1 or 2 craft items).  Sounds a lot doesn't it, but some jobs shouldn't take too long so it shouldn't be impossible to do although I will give myself a break if I don't get it all done straight away and obviously not everything will be on the list every day.

So, in short, today I'm feeling a bit more positive, although still tired and achy.  Whether I feel the same tomorrow, I don't know. We shall see.

AHEM! HELLO, TESTING, TESTING, ONE, TWO, THREE

Well hello there.  Yes I am still alive.  I'm also pretty damn fine too.  Don't really know what has happened to this blog.  I've been doing my son's one, Callum's World, but not this one.  Think I've been a bit too tied up with Facebook, Summer, then Autumn, Halloween, Christmas, New Year, new news....oh you get the picture.

Anyway enough of this rubbish.  2013 is my 50th year in case you didn't know.  I've decided that I'm not going to wallow like some people might in the old "I'm getting old, look at the wrinkles and grey hair!" syndrome.  I'm going to embrace getting older and I'm actually finding it rather liberating.  I'm no longer young and that means I no longer feel the need to impress people, so go stuff it if you don't like it.  My children are getting older; actually my daughter is a full blown adult and about to be a parent herself (more about that later) and my son is reaching 14, so a teenager and therefore, theoretically, able to be left by himself and be responsible a bit more and is probably able to answer his dad back if said dad starts to piss him off.  Therefore, I can start getting back a life, my life, an independant life!  Woo hoo!

So plans? I've been looking at jobs.  I need some extra cash and although Body Shop At Home earns me a few pennies to go out for a drink with, it isn't substantial and, to be honest, isn't really what I want to do with my life.  I enjoy it, but I'm not passionate about it.  So I've been looking elsewhere.  However, I want something I enjoy, I want something I can do from home and I want something that is, at least for the most part, mine!  Options = my own business or writing a book.  My own business could be difficult as I have no idea what I want to do a business in.  I enjoy baking, but that's it, I enjoy it, I don't love it.  I don't want it to become a chore, I want to still enjoy it.  I enjoy knitting, but I'm slow at it and I get bored with it really easily as I do with most craft things, so that's out.  I do, however, love making chutneys and pickles.  I don't enjoy making jam!  So I could do something involving a farmers market, but it would probably end up seasonal, but that isn't a bad idea.  I also love writing, don't ask me why, but then I love talking, haha.  If I could get paid to meet people and talk, I'd be fine, but I can't think of anything that would let me do that, so writing will have to do.  So I'm back on the novel writing; determined to finish at least one of them before the Summer.

I'm also determined to get my garden back on track.  It's not doing too bad, but I've got an issue with some broken fencing and that needs to be sorted.  I have a list of herbs and wild flowers that I want to plant for medicinal use and decorative, so I need to prioritise and get on with digging.

I want more tattoos!  Yep, I'm an old bird who wants tattoos, get used to it!  They, of course, require some cash, so we are back on to the 'how to make money' thing again.

So, priority list:
1.  Decide what I really love doing and schedule that in.  If I earn money from it, even better.
2.  Don't just talk about it, do it!
3.  Ring local Council and get someone down to inspect kitchen and tell me what I need to do to make it 'road worthy'.
4.  Find out who owns the broken fence, me or them, and get that sorted.
5.  Get out of the house more.  (I have a tendency to hibernate in Winter which isn't good for me)
6.  Meet more people (nothing like a bit of networking)
and last, but by no means least
7.  Stop damn well fretting all the time.  If it's meant to be, it will be.

There, 2013 plans listed.

And what has happened so far?
1.  We'll I'm not dying my hair, I'm now almost completely grey and I rather like it.  Lovely not to have to think about roots showing.
2.  Had new tattoo done:

3. Daughter is currently 21 weeks pregnant with 1st grandchild:

Don't know what sex it is as she didn't want to know.  Better that way, more of a surprise and you don't end up with loads of pink or loads of blue.
4.  New home ed timetable done.  It's actually not been followed strictly at all yet and probably won't be.  But no more trying to catch up and/or follow curriculum.  Completely stressful for both me and Callum, so not doing it.  We'll do what he enjoys, we'll have fun and we'll do practical stuff that will be useful for him in adult life like cooking and money and being able to use a washing machine.  You know, all that stuff that they DON'T teach you at school.  We will do some maths and english (well, he'll read books and we might do a review on them) and we'll do science because it's fun, but as to it all leading to exams - NO!  He can do them later when he feels he wants/needs to.

So that's a start.  First blog of the year and no real ranting; it won't last, the lack of ranting that is.  Am off to Facebook again and to do some research.

Cya