Okay, new year and new resolutions? Nah, as I'm hopeless at them; making them and keeping them. So I'm not going to promise that I'll keep this up, I will probably not write it every day/week/month, but I will write when I feel up to it or because I want to.
So, update! Been on antidepressants for a while, but am now off them. Not by doctor's orders I might add, but accidentally. I knew I was running short, so took the final couple of weeks as one every other day as getting to the doctors wasn't going to be an easy thing to fit in and I'm supposed to have had an appointment anyway. So, finally managed to get to docs, went in, only to be turned away as they were having a monthly meeting and no-one was allowed in!!!!! Popped prescription repeat request into box and hoped for the best. A few days later, I called the docs for an appointment only to discover that I couldn't get one for 3 weeks!!!!!!! Unless an emergency one of course, which meant ringing in the morning for a morning appointment or the afternoon for an afternoon one. The latter is something I never understand especially as I'd rung at 11am. Surely they would have known by then if there was an afternoon appointment available. Hate their stupid system, almost as much as I hate the fact that all doctor practices in the building have automatic sign in for appointments on a little computer screen except mine. Screen never seems to be working, so you have to queue up just to tell the receptionist, who is invariably on the phone or chatting to a patient, that you've arrived. Hrumph!! I digress. So realising that I couldn't get an appointment I went on my merry way through life until I suddenly realised a week later that I hadn't picked up the prescription. By this point I'd been out of tablets for two weeks and as I wasn't feeling too bad and that I was also skint, I decided not to bother picking the damn thing up and spending £8.05 for something that I might not need anymore (what is it with the 5p? A nice round £8 would be preferrable). So here I am, not on tablets, not feeling too bad and awaiting another week before doc gets back from wherever he may be so I can make an appointment.
During this time of being half off and completely off tablets, I've also noticed how much the weather affects me! Take yesterday. Sunny day, although cold, was up early as having guttering man coming to clean out the gutters (obviously) and the downpipe. I managed to get so much done yesterday and I felt amazing doing it. Thought to myself, "this is it, the answer to everything, get up extra early and spend the day doing 'stuff'." But no! Today, I'm tired, miserable (although that has more to do with hearing some pretty awful news about a very close friend), I can't be bothered to go out and I want to curl up on sofa. Why? Because the weather is dark, dingy and miserable too! So I'm not depressed, I'm just weather dependant.
Although now I've said that I must add that I actually was depressed when I first started taken the little pills of joy. I hated everything and pretty much couldn't stand most people either. That has changed, but I have realised that it's me that had to change. I had to realise that there are some people you have to spell everything out to; you have to explain it all, give them instructions and tell them when you want it done by. They, then, happily get on with it, throwing themselves into it with full enthusiam and the job gets done to a fab standard. I wish it didn't have to be that way; I wish they could think for themselves, get on with stuff that is obvious to me and be enthusiastic about sorting it out in the first place, but no, that isn't going to happen. So I've accepted that I have to be 'mum' to a man who is a year older than me and tell him what I want him to do and if I can't get him to do it, I'll have to pay a man who can and then reclaim the money back after a small arguement of "I asked you. No you didn't. Yes I did! Well I couldn't do it due to xyz or I was going to do it later (which of course is never). But it needed doing now! Well it's done now so how much?" As to everyone else, I need to shut up and let them get on with it.
Well, that's tablets update, me update, me having another moan, me curling up on sofa writing this instead of actually doing something, although I did just nip off an put the spuds in the oven (rosemary and garlic flavoured mini roasties; son's favourite) and me signing off as I can't be bothered to write any more.
Cya
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