IT DEPENDS ON THE WEATHER

Okay, new year and new resolutions?  Nah, as I'm hopeless at them; making them and keeping them.  So I'm not going to promise that I'll keep this up, I will probably not write it every day/week/month, but I will write when I feel up to it or because I want to.

So, update!  Been on antidepressants for a while, but am now off them.  Not by doctor's orders I might add, but accidentally.  I knew I was running short, so took the final couple of weeks as one every other day as getting to the doctors wasn't going to be an easy thing to fit in and I'm supposed to have had an appointment anyway.  So, finally managed to get to docs, went in, only to be turned away as they were having a monthly meeting and no-one was allowed in!!!!!  Popped prescription repeat request into box and hoped for the best.  A few days later, I called the docs for an appointment only to discover that I couldn't get one for 3 weeks!!!!!!!  Unless an emergency one of course, which meant ringing in the morning for a morning appointment or the afternoon for an afternoon one.  The latter is something I never understand especially as I'd rung at 11am.  Surely they would have known by then if there was an afternoon appointment available.  Hate their stupid system, almost as much as I hate the fact that all doctor practices in the building have automatic sign in for appointments on a little computer screen except mine.  Screen never seems to be working, so you have to queue up just to tell the receptionist, who is invariably on the phone or chatting to a patient, that you've arrived. Hrumph!!  I digress. So realising that I couldn't get an appointment I went on my merry way through life until I suddenly realised a week later that I hadn't picked up the prescription.  By this point I'd been out of tablets for two weeks and as I wasn't feeling too bad and that I was also skint, I decided not to bother picking the damn thing up and spending £8.05 for something that I might not need anymore (what is it with the 5p?  A nice round £8 would be preferrable).  So here I am, not on tablets, not feeling too bad and awaiting another week before doc gets back from wherever he may be so I can make an appointment.

During this time of being half off and completely off tablets, I've also noticed how much the weather affects me!  Take yesterday.  Sunny day, although cold, was up early as having guttering man coming to clean out the gutters (obviously) and the downpipe.  I managed to get so much done yesterday and I felt amazing doing it.  Thought to myself, "this is it, the answer to everything, get up extra early and spend the day doing 'stuff'."  But no!  Today, I'm tired, miserable (although that has more to do with hearing some pretty awful news about a very close friend), I can't be bothered to go out and I want to curl up on sofa.  Why?  Because the weather is dark, dingy and miserable too!  So I'm not depressed, I'm just weather dependant.

Although now I've said that I must add that I actually was depressed when I first started taken the little pills of joy.  I hated everything and pretty much couldn't stand most people either.  That has changed, but I have realised that it's me that had to change.  I had to realise that there are some people you have to spell everything out to; you have to explain it all, give them instructions and tell them when you want it done by.  They, then, happily get on with it, throwing themselves into it with full enthusiam and the job gets done to a fab standard.  I wish it didn't have to be that way; I wish they could think for themselves, get on with stuff that is obvious to me and be enthusiastic about sorting it out in the first place, but no, that isn't going to happen.  So I've accepted that I have to be 'mum' to a man who is a year older than me and tell him what I want him to do and if I can't get him to do it, I'll have to pay a man who can and then reclaim the money back after a small arguement of "I asked you. No you didn't. Yes I did! Well I couldn't do it due to xyz or I was going to do it later (which of course is never). But it needed doing now!  Well it's done now so how much?" As to everyone else, I need to shut up and let them get on with it.

Well, that's tablets update, me update, me having another moan, me curling up on sofa writing this instead of actually doing something, although I did just nip off an put the spuds in the oven (rosemary and garlic flavoured mini roasties; son's favourite) and me signing off as I can't be bothered to write any more.

Cya

MUST BE THE WEATHER!

Hi all,

Feeling really bleurgh today. Not entirely sure why, hence me blaming the weather. It can't seem to make up its mind if it will rain or be sunny. One minute its dark, grey clouds and pouring it down and the next there is blue sky with fluffy white clouds and sunshine (quite warm sunshine too). The only constant is the wind and boy is it windy!!

Anyway, can't snap out of it. Even a walk up the High Street didn't do much good. Must admit Gillingham High Street isn't exactly life changing, but thought the fresh air and the sunshine (it was sunny at that point) might make me feel a bit better, but no, not really.

We've been busy this week trying to catch up on work ready for Callum's open day (see Callum's World) and I haven't been feeling 100% all week anyway. Have had sore throat, felt sick, yadda, yadda, yadda, so haven't really been in the mood. Well, I have, but intimitant - bit like the weather! Plus it was our last week with James for trampolining, will miss him, but hope he has a great time.

One of my friend's dog isn't well either and that has made me sad as he's a lovely old thing, really hope he gets better soon. Plus it has made me think of Draco, our dog, who is getting on a bit. He's becoming increasingly stiff and grumpy and lumps and bumps keep appearing. He currently has sticky eyes as well, although there is no redness and he isn't irritated by them; just means ensuring they are cleaned regularly. Have no idea how Callum (or any of us for that matter) will react when the day comes.

To add to the moans and groans, I'm skint! Really skint! Went overdrawn last month for the first time in five years and this month looks pretty tight too. We're trying desparately to remember to switch off all electric at night, etc, etc, but won't see any outcome of this until at least January next year which is quite disheartening, but needs to be done. On top of that we've now had a letter through saying that they will be fitting water meters in our road very soon. Aaaargh, more cost! Hoping that as Callum receives DLA and I get Carer's we can have it capped for a couple of years. That way at least my gas and electric should be reduced so I won't end up paying out too much more. But then, DLA and Carer's is all being reviewed by the government at the moment and, although I've been assured that Callum's DLA will continue until 2015, there is no guarentee that they won't change the rate. If he drops in rate, I'll lose Carer's which is quite a bit of money, which I need at the moment.

What is happening to money. When I first started receiving Carer's I could use it for things for me; haircuts, a little treat or saving, but now I have to add it to Phil's money to pay for the monthly bills. Callum's DLA, luckily, still pays for his home education and extras that he needs, but we are doing less trips and less treats and definitely don't have anything left at the end of the month to put into his savings account. If they cut it or stop it I have no idea what we'll do as I can't send him back to school, I don't want that for him or for us as I know we will be back to all the problems we had then and he was so unhappy.

Anyway, sorry for being on such a downer, but feel a bit better for writing it down. Let's hope things pick up over the weekend. To prove how bad it was, I didn't even fancy chocolate!! xx

Cya