HALLOWEEN IS COMING!!!

Ok, I've got to get this out of my system:

I LOVE HALLOWEEN!!!

There, I've said it! Yay!!

I don't quite know what it is about Halloween, but I've always loved it. Might have something to do with the fact that I've always been fascinated with the macarbe and I used to love ghost stories when I was a kid. And, as some of you may remember from a previous post, I do believe in ghosts and have one of my own (well several actually, but I've already written about that).

I come from a very religious family, so maybe it originates as a bit of a rebellion towards that as well, but I'm not entirely sure on that one.

I am also interested in herbal medicine and pagan beliefs, although I wouldn't actual class myself as one as I'm not disciplined enough. I've been called a witch quite a lot in my life too, but I don't think that's because they think I can do magic - haha.

I do know that Halloween or All Hallows Eve is the beginning of the Celtic New Year in the Old Religion. You could also say that there is a link to Harvest Festival as it's a time when crops were brought in, animals were also brought back from the fields and perishable foods were eaten before the long winter months ahead. It's also said to be a time to remember the past year and to remember those that have passed on, hence the storytelling.

I know that nowadays it's very commercialised (as are most festivals to be honest) and very Americanised too and most people seem to think that it's an American festival, but it isn't, it's been around for centuries.

I love it because it gives me a chance to indulge myself in silliness and be a bit creative. This year I'm doing pumpkins and skeletons as my theme. The aim is to have a church/funeral parlour front room (I'm going to dress up as a Victorian Funeral Director and Callum is going to be the Grim Reaper) which leads into the 'graveyard' which will be the dining room. I'm currently doing the decorations for the living room which will include a 'stained glass' window (tissue paper and card), a tapestry 'alter cloth' and lots of pumpkin candle holders, which I had to make as the candle holders I already had were ghosts! Nothing that a few old jam jars and some glass paint won't fix! Plus of course the pumpkins themselves (see above). Obviously they need to be carved, but that's a last minute job. Grew those ourselves by the way.

The dining room will be covered in black bin liners and I'm making a grey card mausoleum to cover my large unit. The table will be, hopefully, a grave with the chairs being tombstones and, of course, all the food will have a ghastly twist.

I've probably set myself a too huge a task, but this is the first year in this house that I can truely go over the top. The first year here, we'd only just moved in, so had nothing. I hated it! Only had sweets to give out and it was awful. You see I don't do sweets for trick or treaters; I do cupcakes! Usually something pretty gross looking like witches fingers (apple wedges sticking out with flaked almonds painted red for fingernails) or dead fly cakes (green cakes with green icing and sultana and flaked almond flies on top). However, this year I managed to get a gruesome cupcake book in the sale and am trying some of those out instead. Usually end up making about 48+ cakes and they normally all go! The second year here, last year, I was still hobbling around after breaking my leg, so again didn't really get much done. Although did manage the cakes and had a small party for Callum with a couple of his friends. But this year I'm going for it! Got two years to make up for, so kids had better watch out - haha!

I know Halloween isn't for everyone's tastes and I do know that there are people out there who don't like people knocking on their doors and that's fine. There are also kids out there who basically use it as a good excuse to cause havoc, which isn't so nice and what gives it it's bad reputation, but I love it and I'm going to enjoy it until someone tells me I can't!

Oh well, it's now past midnight (it's the witching hour - hehe) and I'm off to bed.

Cya

I'M A COMPLETE WUSS

Hello all

Right, I'm coming out with it now, right now!! I'm a wuss. Yep, I'm a huge wuss! Those that know me probably won't believe me, but I am and it's about time I confessed.

I am petrified of....SPIDERS! Actually, I don't like other things either, but my biggest, most terrifying thing in the whole wide world is SPIDERS! Sorry, shouldn't keep using capital letters in the middle of a sentence, or at the end of one for that matter, but it's the only way I can convey my complete and utter dread/fear/loathing of them. SPIDERS! Even the name makes me shudder. Brrrrr!

I've never liked them, ever, and I've had a couple of close calls with them. I remember distinctly waking in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep. I was probably about 8 or 9 at the time. I got up to get a book to read and when I turned round there was this monster crawling across my pillow. Needless to say I screamed, but by the time my dad got there, it had disappeared. I didn't sleep in the bed for the rest of the night, in fact, I didn't sleep in the bedroom!

Then there was the time I put on my school blazer and thought I saw a thread hanging from the elbow. I promptly got hold of it to pull it off and pulled away a bloody great brown thing instead. Aaaaargh!!!! Had to sit down for quite a while after that one.

Then there was the huge Godzilla of a spider that was in my bedroom (the larger back bedroom by this time) when I had my boyfriend over. He stamped on it several times, but the thing still kept crawling across the floor. Aaaaargh again!

Another occasion, I'd left home by then and was living with my daughter's father, I was laying in bed and could hear this tapping noise. It was like someone lightly drumming their fingers on paper. "What the hell is that?" I ask. "What?" says Dave. Tap, tap, tap. "THAT!!??" says I, getting a bit freaked. On goes the light, "Aaaaaaargh!" goes I. Ruddy great thing crawling on the wall above the bed! Sure it was wearing Dr Martins.

And so it goes on. I've had to learn to deal with them over time; starting with the little ones and working my way up. But, why oh why did the powers that be suddenly decide to stop increasing the size of the dreaded arachnids gradually at about 2p size and suddenly jump to the gargantuan, not quite fit under a beer glass, size!!! I can't make that jump, it's too huge! So, I can deal with littlies, but I cannot deal with the ones that come out about this time of year looking for mates. You know the ones, big, black, hairy ones. The ones wearing hobnail boots, biker jackets and riding Harleys (might as well be, the speed they run)! I know they are looking for the loves of their lives and I should be looking at them in a romantic, love lost, way, but I'm sorry, I don't! I look at them as a load of testosterone fuelled hoodies with ASBOs looking for fight and a cheap one night stand!

I've had five in my house this year. Yes! FIVE! And they are always there when I'm by myself! I had one in the kitchen sink when I came downstairs in the morning. I hadn't even had a cup of tea!! It was massive! No way was that fitting under a glass (not that I can get that close to them anyway). I had to go outside and drag someone in off the street! Yes, I really did! A delivery van had just pulled up and I squeakily asked if they would mind rescuing "A Damsel in Distress". "Depends on what it is!" One retorted. "Actually it's a spider and I hate them." I reply. "Ok, but I don't really like them myself." In he came. "Where is it?" He asks. "In the sink" I reply. He walks into my kitchen, sticks his head over the sink and goes "F.... me, that's big!". "Yep" I reply "It certainly is". He got rid of it for me though, bless!

Then I had one in the utility room, crawling up above the coats! "Philllllllllllll......" I scream. "What!?" he screams down (he'd gone to bed. "SPIDER!!!!!!!!" I scream back. Down he comes, spider dead. All is well.

Two nights later, I'm sitting here at the computer and one runs up the back of the computer on the wall. Huge. "Phillllllll....." I scream. "What?!" He's gone to bed again. "SPIDER!!!" "Oh, for God's sake!" Down he comes, spider dead, all is well again.

Then nothing! Two weeks of nothing. Yay, all done, no more. Yes, the lovesick ones have gone home.

But NO! Last week, I'm sitting watching the telly and I catch movement in the corner of my eye. Bloody great black thing running the 100yrd sprint across my living room floor! Aaargh! Can't call Phil as I'd lose it under the sofa and then I'd have to move out - seriously I would! So up I get and stamp, rather bravely I thought, on the dreaded thing. I squish my foot a bit, lift up my toes and the damn thing starts running again, on 6 legs! Jesus Christ! Stamp again, further squishing, heart about to break out of my ribcage, but it is dead! I can't bring myself to pick up the dead body as I'm shaking, feel sick and my heart really does feel like it's about to burst out of my chest. I cover it with tissue paper, so I don't have to look at it and watch tv for another hour so I can calm down. I then gingerly pick up the tissue paper with dead body and dispose of it. All is again well in the house.

Then, two days later both myself and Phil are watching telly, Callum is on computer and we suddenly hear "Daaaaaaad". "What?!" "Spider! Big one". Callum has been typing away on his game and needed to use the calculator that is propped up on it's side against the printer which is about a foot away from the keyboard. He's moved the calculator and there's a ruddy great spider just sitting there on the desk! Glad it wasn't me sitting there. I think the keyboard, printer, desk and everything else in the known vicinity would have gone flying!

It's been about a week now and no more! Am really hoping that we have seen the last for another year. I know that there are those of you out there who are reading this and thinking "poor spider" or "it's more scared of you than you are of it", but let me ask you this: "How the hell do you know, have you asked one?" Spiders never run away from me, always towards me. They are supposed to eat flies, but I've still got loads of those in my kitchen every day so they aren't doing a good job! So far, I've not seen any reason for them to live running around in my house and I certainly don't want to sit down with one and discuss the latest goings on in Strictly Come Dancing, so sorry, they die. Live IN my walls by all means; live IN my garden, I don't mind; but stay out of my view! You scare the pants of me and you will probably be the death of me one day by giving me a heart attack.

Actually, I've already broken my foot over one! Yes, really! Forgot to mention that monster. I was living on my own then with my daughter. Had just had a far too hot bath and was laying on my bed cooling off, whilst wrapped in a towel when I spotted this monster on my bedroom curtain! Sat up, swung legs over edge of bed to stand up (keeping my eyes on the dreaded spider in case I lost it) and stood up wrong, twisted my ankle and landed full weight on the side of my foot. "Aaaargh" Screamed I, ankle swells to size of football, ambulance called, broken foot, everyone at A&E having a good laugh and spider escapes! Some would say, the arachnid got it's own back for all it's brothers and sisters deaths and maybe it did, but it didn't help my fear or my vengence.

Hmmm, just thought of something else. I broke my leg whilst wrapped in a towel! Perhaps I should get a dressing gown!

Cya

WEIRDNESS!

Hmmm! Not sure if it's a phase or whether it's because I've been feeling a bit crap, but I have been having the weirdest of dreams this past week!!

Now, I'm not into dreams meaning something, but I do think it's the brain's way of filing away information and sorting out the rubbish from the important (the rubbish coming out in the dreams). Normally after a particularly odd one, I can relate people, places, incidents with recent real people, places, incidents even if they are a bit 'off', but the one's I've been having this week have completely thrown me!!

I've had a least two this past week which have concerned clones, my daughter, shoes and David Tennant!! Strange combination unless you see a Dr Who connection which is entirely plausible. Although I haven't been watching Dr Who recently and DT hasn't played him for a while, but it does seem that my brain has dragged something up from the dark recesses. The first one I had started with myself and Terri (my daughter) walking down to the Strand (our local beach area) and I kept seeing buildings that weren't supposed to be there (a pub, tattoo shop and a cafe) and strange people who all looked the same. Mr T then turned up out of the blue and told us to run (in the best Dr Who fashion), but Terri wouldn't as she was in heels and her flip flops, which were in her bag, didn't match her outfit (sorry Terri, wonder where that comes from - hehe). We ran into a cafe and sat drinking tea(!?!) while Mr T decided what we should do! End of dream one!

A couple of nights later, I had pretty much the same dream, although we were now in a shopping centre! All the shops were staffed by these clones and, again, Mr Tennant showed up and told us to run! This time Terri was already in flip flops so we ran down this corridor and outside, but we ended up on top of the building!!!?? Now I hate heights so this wasn't entirely a pleasant experience! Mr T was telling us to jump onto the other roof (I think that bit may have come from a book I'm reading), but I wouldn't do it! Terri and Mr T did and kept yelling at me to join them, but I still refused! So they jumped back and we ended up in a car which happened to be there and drove down and out of the building (the roof suddenly becoming a roof top car park! End of dream two!

Why my son wasn't in these dreams I've no idea and why we didn't get straight into the car in the second one seems a bit odd. I've gone over these two dreams but the only link I've got to real world is the roof jump reference in the book. Everything else seems totally random!

I had one last night with Sarah Jessica Parker in it!!!! It involved shoes (again) being stuck in sands (possible beach day yesterday, although no shoes involved). There were strange people in adjoining houses and they all wanted to get to these shoes and we (SJP and myself) had to stop them!!! There was flooding (possible recent news items) and lots of slimy plants (again I think that's from the book I'm reading), but it was all really weird!

I've had a couple of other similar type dreams; short, random and supernatural. Most have contained one of my children, but never both and none of them have made any sense whatsoever! None have been particularly scary; I haven't woken up feeling like I've had a nightmare, but I have felt a little unsettled!

I admit that I've been feeling very tired and run down this week and maybe that's why I've been having them. Any ideas on what clones represent or why shoes seemed to be a prominent feature (I can't remember any other item of clothing) would be gratefully received!

With regard to anything else this week, P did not go and sort out rubbish, but haven't had any dogs appearing at fence so that's good. I've been told that P will buy me a laptop when his inheritance comes through (his aunt died recently and the estate is being sorted), although I think I'd rather he spent any monies due on finishing up some of the house! And an old work colleague has been in touch (after almost 11yrs) and we've got together and had lunch, which is a good thing!

So a good, quiet week, but with very strange dreams!! Hmm, weird!!!

OMG! How long has it been since writing on here!! And I was doing so well too. Oh well, life does often get in the way doesn't it?

How am I? Ok, I think!

Had more problems with neighbour's dog recently so called in the local Council AGAIN!!! Got a new warden so had to explain everything all over again. However, he did arrive with a mate so two for the price of one. Isn't that a BOGOF deal? Well, I wish my neighbours would bog off!!! Anyway, they went round and 'had a word' and miracles of miracles the guy has removed the rubbish from up against the fence, so theoretically dogs/kids can no longer climb up and over my 6.5ft fence! Partner is, so he says, going to go round over weekend and offer to help remove the rubbish completely! I have visions of the kids pulling it all back so that they can climb up again, but trying to think positive. We've offered before, but nothing came of it. Hopefully this time he'll be a bit more insistent and Callum can start to enjoy the garden again!

What else? Well, bedroom ceiling had to be pulled down before it fell down!!! So house is basically covered in dust and now every room apart from Callum's is in a half state! Either there are bits missing in ceilings or it's chunks out of walls. Will be nice when finally finished, but I'm beginning to feel like that is never going to happen! Phil, my partner, has said that he will take a week off in September and get our bedroom finished completely!! Would be nice! Will be able to finally unpack my books and dragons after nearly two years of living here and have a nice room to chill out and sleep in! Only another 5 rooms to do after that! Eeek!

As to my state of mind. I'm going from manically depressed about house/dog/garden to 'wild thing' about the same! I'm trying to read about 6 books all at once, which probably isn't a good idea!?! And I suddenly remembered that I started knitting Callum a jumper months ago! As I'm such a slow knitter I better get on with it otherwise it'll be finished and he will have grown out of it!

Have decided also that I need a laptop! Callum has been in computer mode again, so getting on here is pretty rare and when I do it's normally a bit late, so I check my mail and FB and leave it (another reason blog isn't being done). Trying to write is quite hard when you're shattered and the computer chair is knackered, so I end up with back ache after any length of time. I really really want to write and not just my blogs. I've got about 3 stories on the go at the moment and really want to finish one of them and have a go at publishing it. But by the time it gets to about 10pm and I'm finally able to sit down at computer, I really don't feel like doing it. So laptop required! That way, when C is playing on computer I can sit in a comfy chair and tap away quite happily.

I can even do it in early evening while the rest of them are watching telly. Why don't I go on computer then I hear you ask? Well I have a strange obsession about not letting anyone read what I write until it's finished. Even these blogs (which are completely public) I don't like letting anyone read until done. So the fact that my computer is in the corner of a room that everyone has to walk through to get to the kitchen and screen is in full view makes me paranoid! Silly I know, but I hate the thought that they can look over my shoulder and read what I'm typing. So laptop is going to have to be the answer!! (I'm typing now because my son is upstairs playing with his best mate, so won't see them for ages, and my partner is at work!)

On the rest of the life front I'm still currently obsessed with you know who - haha! Hopefully now the series has finished I can wean myself off and find someone else - I'm such a fickle thing you know! However, I am (or rather we are) going to Earl's Court to see Top Gear Live in November (early xmas treat), so probably be a while. Plus I'm still tired, grumpy, getting older, home educating, knitting, reading, cooking, gardening, meeting new and wonderful people, seeing current and fab friends and generally enjoying myself. So it isn't all bad!

Cya

MUST SHARE! VERY SAD (OF ME!)

I had a lazy morning and an afternoon free today! Yep, all on my lonesome I was as Callum on computer and then to his friend's house this afternoon! I had some paperwork to do, but couldn't really be bothered so decided to chill out in front of telly.

Guess what I watched? Yep, you're right, reruns of Top Gear on Dave!! It's very sad isn't it especially as I don't even drive!! Oh well, never mind!

Did get paperwork done in the end, but wasn't as much fun as watching Jeremy et al racing around in rather beautiful cars. Really must sort out this obsession with Mr Clarkson, it really isn't healthy - haha!

See ya

SUNDAY AFTERNOON BLISS OR AM I JUST A BIGOT

Am (or was by the time I type this) sitting in the garden, glass of coke on table, book in hand, beautiful sunshine, with house in King Street (not the one with the annoying dog) having what sounds like a party, although vocally it's pretty quiet. Musically it's loud, but guess what, I don't care!! Why? Because the music being played loud is some rather excellent R&B! There is no boy band mush or european trashy disco, just good thumping R&B with a coating of Rap thrown in and a smattering of Reggae!! It's bliss!!

I'm not saying that I'd like to live directly next door to the house as I can imagine that your cups and saucers would be dancing away rather nicely on their shelves as the bass is throbbing rather deeply, but here in my garden almost opposite it's pleasant; actually it's bloody brilliant! Not sure if I'll still be thinking that later on, but for now, it's ok by me!

So why have I written about this? Well it's made me realise what a completely intolerant, bigoted piece of work I really am. I should get me wrists thoroughly slapped for it to be honest and I can think of a few people who would be happy to do so and some others that I wouldn't mind doing it, but that's another story!

You see because the music is something I like, I'm tolerating it, actually thoroughly enjoying it, as I've already said! But, if it was any of the aforementioned stuff I'd be going balistic, running around shouting and ranting and probably calling the Police because of the disturbance to the peace (and I may still do that if it goes on late), but I'm not! I must point out that the music started at 11.30am and at the time of initially writing this it was 2.20pm (yes I write on old fashioned paper too, as my son is on computer and I don't own a laptop!!). So I have to embarrassingly admit that I'm an awful person! If it suits me, it's fine; if it doesn't then it's not!! Very two faced of me isn't it? But then I am a Gemini!

So I'm now asking myself whether I should be more tolerant of people? Should I respect their tastes in music and choices of lifestyle? Should I just accept that there are some people who like living in shit with snotty kids, barking dogs and terrible taste? The answer is "Yes I should", but guess what, I can't and I won't! Yes I can accept that we are not all the same. I can accept that some people like certain music, films, books, etc that I can't stand and that's fine as long as they don't try and shove it down my throat, but that's where the loud music, etc comes in. You see I think that if you are going to play your music loud (and that does include me) then you should accept that there will be people who won't like it and ask you to turn it down. You have to accept (me included) that in those circumstances you are shoving your tastes/views down other people's throats and that is the bit that is unacceptable!

I'm the same when it comes to religious beliefs too. You can be whatever faith you like; I will accept all of them; just don't try and convert me into them as I have my own beliefs and those are the ones I'm sticking with! Try ramming them down my throat and you will be out of the door quicker than the fly I've just swatted which was getting to near to the glass of coke!

So am I intolerant or not? Am I just a believer that you can have your own views, but keep them to yourself? Well, obviously the latter isn't true otherwise I wouldn't rant on about things on here would I? So, once again, am I intolerant? I think it varies and the variants are as varied as the pick and mix counter in the now defunct Woolworths store. My tolerance will depend on mood; it will depend on weather; it will depend on subject and it will bloody well depend on whether it's music I like or music I don't - sorry, but there it is! So, in conclusion; I'm a part-time bigot, but only when it suits me!

PS: The music didn't go on until late so I didn't have to call the Police. My neighbours with the dog never surfaced today so peace on the barking front was in force. And I finally got to the computer at 10pm! Will definitely have to invest in a laptop!

MID LIFE CRISIS (AGAIN) OR REMINISCING?

I’m officially going to say that I’m in mid life crisis – I think!

Why I hear you ask?

Well, I’ve started to get excited every time I get an email from Play.com or Amazon announcing sales!

Why I hear you ask again and what does that have to do with mid life crisis?

Give me chance folks; I’m getting there. I get excited because normally the sales include old stuff! Stuff that I remember! Stuff that brings back memories! And, as I left my complete record collection behind when leaving an ex boyfriend years ago….

Why?

….Because I had a limited time to leave and had to make a decision between my movie collection and my music collection! I chose my movies! Can I continue now??? Or are you asking why I left the boyfriend? That doesn’t really matter at the moment, so I’m going to continue on the thread I’m on…

I’m now without those wonderful tunes that whisk you back to moments in your life that you treasure; those memories, whether sad or happy, that remind you that you were once young! Those tunes that as soon as you hear them you can bring to mind in perfect clarity any event, place or person you wish! And I’m starting to do that often!! Too often!!

You see, I don’t drive, so I can’t go out and buy a flashy car (see a previous entry on this blog). I don’t have the money anyway even if I could drive. But I can splurge £2.99 on a CD or a movie (DVD having taken over from video since I made my rash but necessary decision all those years ago and I’m now trying to regain BOTH music and movies – hey ho). In fact, I recently splurged nearly £30 on CDs and DVDs, but at least it was quids not thousands.

I don’t usually listen, as some of you do, to continuous music. I’m not someone who has to have the radio on or the TV or a CD on as soon as I wake. I like a bit of peace and quiet and, having an Asperger son with me 24/7, quiet is normally a very rare thing anyway. But recently I’ve fancied a bit of a tune and I keep remembering songs I used to have and becoming incredibly upset if I don’t have it to hand.

Why am I getting so upset?

Actually, I’m not really sure, but I am.

I’m assuming that it’s because I’ve been feeling older recently. It came as a bit of a shock the other week when I realised that I was nearer to 50 than to 40. Reaching 40 was fine; actually I quite enjoyed it. It meant that I could finally not give a damn about what people thought of me (not that I really did anyway) and I didn’t have to pretend anymore (that, I did do, sorry), but 50! 50 sounds so old! 50 is definitely on the slidey slope down! I mean it doesn’t sound ancient, I know 50 year olds that don’t look or act it, but it’s definitely the fast track to 60 and then 70 and then, well then what? Both my parents died in their 70s so it’s not irrational to think that I will probably do the same, so, based on that, 50 is definitely the ‘not long left’ age!

Also having broken my leg last year and having complications ever since (nothing major, but enough to cause inconvenience and pain and the inability to run or even walk fast at the moment) I’ve started to look back to those days when I was young, able, fit and carefree and I want to listen to stuff that reminds me of ‘the good old days’!

To add to both those reasons above, I have a 22 year old daughter. That’s the age when my life was a ball (ages 20 – 25 being the best). I was out all the time; had a huge group of mates; experienced lots of things, most of which I can’t talk about on here; had highs; lows and generally enjoyed life (actually I enjoyed life between 17-28 pretty much continuously, but 20-25 was definitely the best. So hearing her talking about what she’s up to; seeing her spending her money on clothes, undies, etc brings back all those memories. I don’t begrudge her any of it, I’m the one that nagged her to do it earlier, but I have to admit it does make me reminisce a lot!

So am I just reminiscing or am I in crisis?

It’s a difficult question to answer! You see, apart from the above and being pretty happy with the way things are in my life (I haven’t got the energy for anything else at the moment, but I am one of those people who always thinks the grass is greener even when I know it isn’t), I’ve started to get thoughts about what it would be like to be on my own again. Being completely independent with no dependents if you follow me. Would I do ok as a single woman again. Would I be able to find work; have a decent social life; dare I say it – get another lover?

And this is when I start to wonder if it’s crisis. Does the reminiscing cause me to wonder or is it the wondering that causes the reminiscing? If I could remember which one came first it might help, but that’s like trying to work out which came first with the chicken or the egg, it’s impossible and to try would probably make my head explode!

So, due to the age thing, I’m going to say it’s mid life crisis! But feel free to argue!

xxx