MONDAY MORNING.....WHAT THE HELL?

Ok, I've had a rather fab weekend.  Seem to be making a habit of those lately.  Saturday was a lazy one with a bit of shopping, bit of gardening, bit of telly catching upping, you're getting the idea and Sunday was the excellent Fuse Festival in Rochester Castle grounds with my beloved son, who is now the grand old age of 16!  We love the Fuse Festival and, luckily, it always falls on the weekend of his birthday so we can't forget it, hehe and it gives us something definite to do.  Favourite acts of the year were The Giant Balloon Show, which, no matter how many times we see it, still cracks us up and The Most Dangerous Cup of Tea in the World which was very silly with a bit of slapstick thrown in.

 

Giant Balloon 

 

Dangerous Cup of Tea




However, last night, for some unknown reason, I couldn't get comfortable and therefore didn't sleep well.  This has meant that I've woken up later than I wanted and am totally 'not with it'.  I'd like to sit in the corner and play silly buggers on FB or watch a movie.  What I NEED to do is clean up, feed the dogs, sort out dinner for later, do my finances and check what my son is up to on the home ed front.  Can't believe it's nearly 1.30pm and I haven't even put my bed away (I sleep on a Zbed downstairs due to back and sleep problems).  I have a feeling that this week is going to be a long one. There has already been one change of plan and I sense there is more on the way.

I'm still in Glastonbury panic mode although nowhere near as bad as before, but I will feel better once I've packed, repacked, sorted, probably packed again and know that everything is ready.  I probably won't be truely relaxed until we are there and the tent is up; damn this anxiety thingy.

It's also a friend's birthday this week and do you think I can find the present I made her?  Nope, of course I can't....Grrrrrr!  So will have to get something small and give the actual present to her when I've found it.  It's around somewhere!

Anyway, just a quickie.  Really must get going and get on with stuff as supposed to be off to cinema later this evening and want to tick off my list before I go.

Cya

GOOD TIMES AND A WEIRD PANIC ATTACK

Oh dear, have had a funny couple of weeks and an extremely odd panic attack.

But starting on a good note; had a fab day out for my birthday with my daughter taking a trip down to Rochester for the day, including my first Dickens Festival.  Was nowhere near as busy as I expected and, to be honest, a bit disappointing on the Dickens front, although did see a fair few fab steampunk costumes.  We started off with breakfast in the café before catching the train to Rochester. Then a wander round the shops, stalls and flea market before having coffee and cake in Bruno’s which, I’m happy to report does, at least one, gluten free option.

Got spoilt rotten in Hometown and home to fish pie (my favourite) cooked by my partner.

Staying with the birthday treats; had another breakfast bought for me by a friend on Tuesday and a good catch up as we hadn’t seen each other for a fair while.

This past weekend was the pub reunion which was awesome.  Loads of people, we packed out the pub, good company (some of whom I hadn’t seen for 30 years) and brilliant music.

This week, I’ve been really tired as the dog wasn’t well over the weekend and kept me up most of Sunday night and I don’t think I’ve really caught up.  Probably because of this, I had a huge panic attack, which was totally stupid and pointless and bizarre, about the up and coming trip to Glastonbury Festival.  Woke up at 4am with thoughts of not being able to pitch the tent due to space, having to put it up in the dark, losing my granddaughter because we were struggling with the tent and all such ridiculous things that, at the time, seemed monumental but after much thought were just mental without the monu!

I think I’m being far too hard on myself and am probably trying to be responsible for everything, including people’s enjoyment, which is ridiculous!  I’m sure half of it is due to having had sixteen years of being totally responsible for someone’s ability to cope and having to have planned, with military precision, every trip we’ve ever done (taking into account all eventualities and worst case scenarios as my son was a ‘runner’ when small).  It’s a hard habit to break, but I must break it.

I think if I was going by myself I wouldn’t be feeling anywhere near as stressed which seems odd when I think about it as I would have thought it would make it worse being by myself. But, having done a lot more by myself recently and enjoying it because I’ve not had to feel responsible for anyone but me, the relief of not having to worry about anyone has been rather liberating.  So when I am with someone I revert back to the worrying and the feeling that I need to be in control so that, should anything go wrong, I’ll be able to deal with it straight away rather than just accepting that something has gone wrong and going with the flow.

Anyway, I’m ok at the moment and, to be honest, I’m looking forward to it although I have no idea what my plans are re seeing any bands.  Before then, however, I’ve got my son’s birthday today, a day trip out planned next week and a weekend full of my granddaughter’s birthday party next Saturday and our family Nerf War’s day next Sunday.  This weekend C is off with his dad tomorrow to a model railway show and we are off to Fuse Festival in Rochester on Sunday; busy, busy, busy.  Which is probably a good thing, ha ha; maybe it’ll stop me from having ‘over the top’ stresses.

Cya

Dapper Gent 

Butterfly Ladies (also seen at ComicCon)

GOT THAT FRIDAY FEELING!

It’s Friday – woo hoo!!

It’s PJ day – double woo hoo!!

It has been a long week this week as it’s the busy one with home ed as we’ve had two lots of trampolining and the start of our course at Royal Engineers Museum.  I’ve also been having trouble sleeping; averaging about 5 hours a night and some of that broken, so been a bit of a zombie.

Today, however, and maybe because I know it’s an easy day, I’m feeling fine.  Catching up on computer bits; new timetable, accounts both my own and trampoline class’, orders, Facebook, etc, etc.  I’ve made soup for lunch and Callum has been pottering too, catching up with some work and fiddling about with computer bits.

I’m also feeling extremely loved!  My birthday isn’t until tomorrow, but I’ve already been treated to a cinema night, seeing Mad Max which was like a post-apocalyptic Fast and Furious on steroids and totally brilliant, been given a beautiful ‘Stonehenge’ oil burner, a book, several cards and umpteen bunches of flowers, so my house smells wonderful.

Tulips and Parrot Tulips

Roses plus

More roses, Arum Lillies plus

I’ve got a day out planned with my daughter for my actual birthday and a breakfast being bought for me next Tuesday!  I’m feeling very lucky and very privileged to have such fab friends and gorgeous children; my son, Callum, giving me more money for my Glastonbury fund.

I’m pleased to announce that this week’s blog has no moans or groans and is short.  Must be a first!!

Cya

http://www.re-museum.co.uk/

http://www.therochesterflea.com/

ANXIETY Vs DEPRESSION: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

I want to start by saying that I’ve just had a fab weekend.  Yup, really!

Friday my son and I met up with some friends and went to Margate.  Initially it was supposed to be a visit to the Turner Gallery for an exhibition and a wander round before heading off to the beach for a laze, look at the sea and meet up with some other friends of ours that live there.  On a bit of a reconnaissance check a couple of days before, I’d discovered that, although the exhibition we wanted to see was open, the rest of the gallery was shut. ‘Fine’ my friend said, ‘let’s still go’, so we did.

We get there; the weather is great, not too hot, and not too cold.  We walked to the gallery and, although the exhibition was on, it wasn’t functioning (it was supposed to be cymbals, which you could ‘play’) as there was a conference going on and they didn’t want the sound to interfere. Hrumph!!  This isn’t good.  So I decide to find out about the Shell Grotto as haven’t been since The Boy was small; it’s open, we go, its fab!  Then back to the beach, later than anticipated, to meet up, briefly, with said local friends. What could have been a disastrous day turned out quite good. Phew!

Then Saturday I went off on my ownsie to Comic Con at Excel Centre, London!  Was so nice not to have to worry about anyone else’s stresses, anxieties, wants and not wants; I left home when I was ready, I did what I wanted to do, attended whatever talks I fancied and I came home when I was ready.  Lovely!

Sunday; I pretty much slept all day and caught up with telly in between snoozes.

Monday I should have woken up refreshed, but noooooooo!!  I’d had trouble getting to sleep Sunday night (fair enough as I’d slept off and on for most of the day) and I woke up at 6am!  Wide awake, but not really with it; mentally gone, but physically hyper active; so spent all day pottering about cleaning, washing, hanging said washing out to dry, dusting, sorting and catching up with the odd prog I didn’t manage to watch the day before.  Went to bed at a reasonable hour, for me, and slept well.

Expected to wake up feeling gooooooood; I didn’t!  Today I am still tired, but I’m not only mentally tired, I’m physically tired too; I could quite happily have the day at home doing a bit more tidying up, having a lovely soak in the bath and generally taking it easy.  I can’t!  It’s private trampolining for The Boy today and, because we are already out, it’ll be a trip to the library to return a book, Subway for late lunch, passport photos for me as I’m running out of time to get an ID card for Glasto and another trip into the bank to take money from The Boy’s book account to pay directly into my credit card as his telly blew yesterday.

Now I know that isn’t a lot, I know that, actually, that’s a pretty easy day, but I’m getting sick of it all.  I’m fed up with organising anything and everything, I’m totally stressing about money, I was stressed all yesterday in case he ‘blew’ his new telly because of some miss-wiring in his computer (he built it and so far all is well) and, because I’m stressed, my brain keeps returning to the dreaded renewal of DLA which still hasn’t dropped through my door yet! Aaargh! I’m beginning to feel like those kids at school that, by the middle of July, are just desperate for the term to end and the summer holidays to begin. I want it all to stop!

I’m wondering if I’m depressed again; symptoms like being tired, erratic sleeping, feeling brain dead, not wanting to face things, etc are here again.  But, I do want to go out, even if it is mainly by myself. I do want to get dressed and take care of myself so I don’t think I’m depressed.  I’m just anxious.  I’m just stressed.  Hence the title of this blog; Anxiety vs Depression: What’s the Difference?  I must look into it!

Cya