I had a bit of an epiphany today; something that I’d totally
forgotten about. But first let’s talk
about how I got there.
I have a number of incredibly good friends that I really care
about and some of them have been having a really tough time lately, and I mean
tough! Most have had health problems; if
not themselves, then close family and in a few occasions both! A few have had relationship problems; one was
unexpected, there have even been a few deaths.
I know this because they tell me, they share with me their woes and I’m
incredibly honoured by the fact that they trust me enough to do so.
However, I have been feeling really run down lately; tired,
lethargic, no ability to get excited about anything, snuffly, dizzy and
generally feeling very low and I’ve thought it was due to lack of sunshine and
the fact that Spring still hasn’t really arrived. I thought this until yesterday when it
finally dawned on me that, although Spring is indeed late and I do indeed need
some sunshine, the fact that I feel very run down could be because I’m full of
negative energy.
I usually wear one of two necklaces which offer me some protection
as I am aware that I am susceptible to taking on other people’s grief, but both
my necklaces feel really heavy when I wear them at the moment and I’ve tried to
cleanse, but so far have failed.
I hate the fact that I can’t actually DO anything for my friends
in most cases. I hate the fact that they
are hurting and there is nothing I can do to stop it and I don’t want them to
stop sharing with me and I know that sometimes just talking is enough. But I’m feeling guilty because I feel ill and
I’m moaning about it. It isn’t my
problems I’m dealing with; I’m not the one that has to go home and face
it. I’m just sitting down with a cup of
tea in most cases and listening. That’s
it, just listening. I have no right to
feel ill, no right to feel sorry for myself, no right to feel ‘got at’ or ‘put
upon’ (not that I really am). But I did and
I offloaded to a friend (who I have only met a few times) on Facebook and she
helped me out in more ways than I could ever realise and she probably won’t
either. She made me understand the word
SHARE!
Of course, I’m going to feel bad; of course I’m going to feel
down. My friends are sharing with me and
the very fact that they are sharing means that some, even though it may only be
a little bit, some of their pain has been given to me. Given and accepted I might add.
So what do I do about it?
I need to accept that I will accept some of their pain. I need to understand that this will affect me
and that if I’m not careful and take on too much it will make me ill. I need to continue to feel, but I must also
remember to protect and that doesn’t always mean by using something physical
like a necklace. It means I must use
some of my energy to protect me, it means asking for help from my ‘ether
fairies’ or my archer or my eagle (especially my eagle as he always appears in
my meditations although it wasn’t until recently that I realised he was an
eagle) or some of my friends. I hate
asking for help, but sometimes I must.
Today proved it. I reached out
for help and it was given freely and willingly just as I try to give my help
out freely and willingly to my friends in need.
I need to remember that I’m not invincible. I’m not tough. I am vulnerable and I am soft.
So after thanking my friendly saviour today and taking a breath
of fresh air outside, I know that to share is ok and that it works both ways!!
