WELL A GOOD WEEK IS TURNING SOUR

Howdy folks; sorry I'm listening to Gangstagrass again. For those that don't know they do a mixture of bluegrass and rap; it sounds strange but it works and I love it.

Anyway, after having a very fab and productive and enjoyable week, I woke this morning at 5am and was wide awake. Not a problem, I thought, early up, catch up with some telly and chill out. So I did until 7am when I was actually having trouble keeping my eyes open, so, knowing that my son would be up pretty soon, I decided to have a doze on the sofa. Sure enough approximately 40mins later he was up and so was I. Didn't feel too bad, but knew that it would be a slow day. We weren't planning on anything anyway, so we could take our time.

First job of the day was to ring up my mobile phone provider and sort out a new phone with a new contract. My phone literally died, passed away, went to the mobile heaven in the sky yesterday. Buttons refused to work and it kept throwing random 7s at me on the screen; luckily it wasn't 6s otherwise I'd have been a bit scared. After being passed from one department to the next to the next and having to give the same information to each one, I lost my rag and, ashamedly had a bit of a go at Andy, the guy who was supposed to be helping me out. I did apologise after my little rant and we then went on to having a half hour conversation about phones accompanied with lots of silliness and giggles, resulting in me getting a very good and satisfactory deal for the next 2 years. Thank you Andy!

Next was sorting out the washing as we or rather he, my son, was fast running out of clothes. So washing was put on and a cuppa made, but its pouring with rain and I can't put my son's trousers in the tumble dryer, so have no idea if I'll get them dry or not by tomorrow.

Then off to do the one last thing on our list of home ed things for the week, which was making a very simple colour spinning wheel. Really not that difficult; all you need is a compass to draw a circle, some coloured pencils, white card and a protractor. First thing that went wrong was we couldn't find any white card. We have a box full of card and we had every colour under the sun except white! Next I couldn't find the protractor or the compass which I know we have. Searched every cupboard and every drawer but nothing. Decided to go old school and use a cup to draw round and cut out; folding to find the centre and then drawing on lines to attempt to divide up. Just doing that when, low and behold, we found the protractor! Hoorah! Lines and segments properly measured and drawn. Then colouring in the segments - check! Pencil pushed through, spun and....it worked. Coloured card turns white (well, greyish). Brilliant! Turned around to get camera out and found, you've guessed it, the damn compass! Grrrr! Never mind; a successful experiment done. Let's get the bluetack and fix the coloured disc to the little fan we made and watch it spin at speed...... no bluetack! Luckily we found a small blob of it at the back of the drawer, so all good.

Afternoon went well, no hiccups, no traumas.

Then this evening, it's beginning to go downhill again. Boys have been playing on the Wii and there has been a lot of shouting over a game. Wouldn't mind if it was brothers bantering, but no it's father and son and it's father shouting at son. Hmmmm, not good, but at least son is now answering back. They then carry on well past their usual time and just as I'm looking forward to chilling out for an hour or so by myself, I'm getting a bit tired by now, my neighbour over the road decides to have her girlfriends over and they have the front door open and are squealing and shouting like girlies. Why that woman never shuts her front door I do not know. Last week it was music, this week its squealing girls. For God's sake women keep your private life private and stop making the rest of us have to put up with it. It's only when she doesn't have her little boy and I don't begrudge her having a night off, but she lives next door to a family who has little ones, you'd think she'd be a bit more caring, but then again, her neighbour doesn't seem to ever complain, no-one does, so maybe it's just me!

So I'm now sitting here, getting more and more agitated the more tired I get and I'm listening to music through my headphones in the vain attempt to drown out the noise. Please, please, let it pour down with rain in a minute, she might actually shut the damn door and we can have some peace. Oh and to cap it all my headphones have decided that they will only work in one ear!! The other one has died. So I'm going to have to buy new ones.

Well the week started well, continued brilliantly and ended like shite! Hey ho, thank goodness for Gangstagrass! Always makes me happy (or at least happier).

Cya, moan over!

BACK TO ORIGINAL POINT OF BLOG

This blog was originally supposed to be about my thoughts and feelings on things.  Sometimes good thoughts, sometimes not.  It was supposed to be about what goes on in my ever changing head.  These changes can often confuse me, scare me or uplift me, just as everyone's does I suppose.  Anyway, this is my post for today.  I wasn't sure about it at first, but I think I need to start being honest with myself.

My Constantly Changing Mind:

I’ve been thinking this for some time, but I’m now committing it to paper, well blog anyway.  I’m a fickle bugger!  There, I've said it.  I’m not sure what it is about my phobia of commitment, but I definitely have one.  Well, I think I have one; maybe I just have a form of attention disorder.  

I came to this conclusion the other day when I was browsing online for information on a programme I’ve been watching and realised that I’d searched out the same sort of information about another programme a few months ago and another programme a few months before that and I realised there was a pattern and a rather disturbing form of obsession.  I tend to throw myself into things full on and then get bored.  


I’m the same with relationships (I do not mean friendships) and jobs.  I lose interest once I’ve learnt a job and want to look for another and in relationships I’ve lost my fascination after about 3 years and am beginning to wander; sometimes literally, but mostly mentally.  In fact I get bored with lots of other things too; hobbies, houses, TV, etc.  The only things I have never ever got bored with are my children, my true friends, being outdoors and chocolate and I have always returned to things like preserving, writing and being creative, but this come in fits and starts and tends to run in cycles.  Hence the trouble I have with keeping diaries or blogs up to date.

I’ve never wanted to marry; the idea of promising to be with someone for the rest of my life seems totally idiotic and, to be honest, terrifying to me.  I have no idea what I’m going to be like in a week’s time, let alone a decade or two or three or….. you get the picture.  How can I possibly say that I will stay with them forever?  And more to the point, how can I possibly ask them to stay with me?

Take my current partner; I’ve been with him for 14 years (that’s an eternity in my books) and to be honest we really haven’t been ‘together’ for the last 5 of those.  We started off liking the same things, wanting the same things, enjoying each other’s company, etc.  But things have changed, I’ve changed, he’s changed (as we do).  I don’t watch the same stuff anymore, I don’t want the same things as I did and we never really have anything to talk to each other about. He drinks way too much in my opinion and daily whereas I drink only socially which therefore means rarely. He smokes, I don’t. He still wants a nice house and garden and I want a caravan in a field. He’s into buying property, I prefer to rent (commitment again). His idea of being old and grey is us being together going out for a drink or going away for weekends. My idea of being old and grey is to be on my own doing what the hell I please when the hell I please to do it! But at the moment we are in a mutual 'getting on with it' phase.

Maybe it’s because I’m an only child, but I hate using that childhood trauma card (and, boy, could I use it).  Maybe it’s because I’m a Gemini; they are supposed to be two faced you know, but that just seems like an easy and probably very stupid excuse.  I could say that I live with two Aspis who are exhausting to be around and I need a break, but no, I’m going to say I’m fickle because I’m a selfish, enjoy my own company way to much, grumpy old cow.  Although some of the above may have an influence on some of my behaviour, hehe.

I do not feel happy about my noncommittal feelings, nor do I feel unhappy about them.  I do, on the other hand, feel sorry for those that lie in the wake of my fickleness.  I hate to hurt people, I hate to disappoint them too, but there are times in my life when I just have to do what is best for me and that can be minor things like changing my hobbies or major things like changing my life.