WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DO?

Am in a funny mood today!  Want to do something, but don't, if you know what I mean.  I have a list of jobs that need to be done, but, after looking at them, I need to either buy stuff, which I can't until Tuesday as have no money until then, or ring people and it's bank holiday so no-one about until Tuesday (again).

There is some gardening jobs I could do, but I'm really not in the mood as my neck and shoulders really hurt and one of the jobs involves digging!  I'm not in the mood to sort out photos or set up the new printer.

I could weigh up the EBay stuff I want to sell, but Phil around and he'll start asking questions.  He's already asked me what I wanted a bin liner for earlier! Why the hell does he think I need a bin liner?  Does he think I'm going to dress up in it or make curtains from it or decorate the wall with it?  I need a bin liner as I have rubbish to put in it you stupid man!

So, I have sorted out the corner under the window in the bedroom.  It has a baby box in it and all the Body Shop stuff, which was in several boxes.  I've managed to sort it all out and chuck out what was surplus and unnecessary, so the corner looks a lot tidier and hasn't got so many boxes in it.  I've also sorted out the computer corner where all the paperwork/home ed stuff is.  So filing done, rubbish cleared, recycling sorted, home ed stuff put away and tidied up.  Computer area now doesn't look as if it'll be lost forever under files, paper and science stuff; hoorah!

Apart from that though, I've not done anything else on this glorious sunshiny day.  My brain isn't feeling creative, so I'm not writing (apart from this).  I'm not knitting as I want to sort out the blanket before I start anything new and I need to go buy backing fabric and ribbon to do that.

So, what to do, what to do?

Hate moods like this (unusual in this weather), can't get motivated or enthused.  It may be because I was hoping to go to the cinema today and odd job tomorrow, but plans been changed so going to cinema tomorrow instead.  Brain not good at last minute changes; it gets a little confused and feels a bit at a loose end.  Hey ho!

On the plus side, I made a list of plants that I wanted earlier in the week and whilst outside pulling up some grass (so, yes, a teeny weeny bit of gardening done this morning whilst waiting for the kettle to boil) I discovered that one of the plants I wanted is already growing in my garden; just not in the right place.  Thought I had some, but wasn't sure, so checked it whilst drinking the tea I made from the awaiting kettle and it is!  Whoop whoop!  Just need to transplant it and hope it doesn't die!

Anyway, cya!  Hopefully I'll think of something to do so I don't feel like the day has been wasted.

I HATE TECHNOLOGY!!! WELL AT LEAST WHEN IT ISN'T WORKING PROPERLY.

Oh dear!  It's another one of those days again today.  Actually it started yesterday and is continuing this morning.

Callum has been doing a game programming course with Digipen over past few weeks and is really enjoying it.  However, we did have a lot of problems uploading the software and a few teething probs, but we got it sorted and he's been really enjoying it.  His homework for the past week has been to design his own game, adding sound, using the skills he's learnt so far.

Anyway, he did that.  Knew once he's actually thought of one that wasn't going to use skills too far along in the course, it wouldn't take him long to do and it didn't.  BUT when he came to run it, it wouldn't work!  In fact nothing he'd done so far would work!  Turns out that the Digipen software we've been using doesn't like Java updates and as we have have one over the past couple of weeks, it's buggered everything up.  Grrrr!

Solution to this problem?  Unload the version of Digipen we've been using and download a new version! Why?  Can't you just sort it out your end?  Obviously not!  So after having a couple of problems with downloading (as we did originally) we've now managed to get the new version BUT we now have to reregister as it isn't recognising us because its new software!  Grrrrrrrrrr!  FFS!  PLUS we can't update Java until we've finished the course just in case it mucks it up again.  Solution?  They are going to try and work away from Java completely.  If it wasn't for the fact that Callum is really enjoying the course, I'd tell them to stuff it!  Can't believe that a supposedly well established course has had so many problems with its software. I know that we are a trial group for home educators and that the course is normally run through colleges, but this is pretty ridiculous!  Hey ho!

Then this morning, to cap it all, apart from waking up at 4.30am for the second day in a row,  I couldn't connect to the internet as my stupid internet connection decided to have a funny and say it was there when it wasn't and then saying it wasn't there when it was!  Had to shut everything down completely and restart twice before it decided to behave!

So basically I'm extremely aggrieved by technology at the moment!  Grrrrr!

Off to make another cuppa!
Cya

DON'T FORGET THE MEANING OF 'SHARE'

I had a bit of an epiphany today; something that I’d totally forgotten about.  But first let’s talk about how I got there.

I have a number of incredibly good friends that I really care about and some of them have been having a really tough time lately, and I mean tough!  Most have had health problems; if not themselves, then close family and in a few occasions both!  A few have had relationship problems; one was unexpected, there have even been a few deaths.  I know this because they tell me, they share with me their woes and I’m incredibly honoured by the fact that they trust me enough to do so.

However, I have been feeling really run down lately; tired, lethargic, no ability to get excited about anything, snuffly, dizzy and generally feeling very low and I’ve thought it was due to lack of sunshine and the fact that Spring still hasn’t really arrived.  I thought this until yesterday when it finally dawned on me that, although Spring is indeed late and I do indeed need some sunshine, the fact that I feel very run down could be because I’m full of negative energy.

I usually wear one of two necklaces which offer me some protection as I am aware that I am susceptible to taking on other people’s grief, but both my necklaces feel really heavy when I wear them at the moment and I’ve tried to cleanse, but so far have failed.

I hate the fact that I can’t actually DO anything for my friends in most cases.  I hate the fact that they are hurting and there is nothing I can do to stop it and I don’t want them to stop sharing with me and I know that sometimes just talking is enough.  But I’m feeling guilty because I feel ill and I’m moaning about it.  It isn’t my problems I’m dealing with; I’m not the one that has to go home and face it.  I’m just sitting down with a cup of tea in most cases and listening.  That’s it, just listening.  I have no right to feel ill, no right to feel sorry for myself, no right to feel ‘got at’ or ‘put upon’ (not that I really am).  But I did and I offloaded to a friend (who I have only met a few times) on Facebook and she helped me out in more ways than I could ever realise and she probably won’t either.  She made me understand the word SHARE!

Of course, I’m going to feel bad; of course I’m going to feel down.  My friends are sharing with me and the very fact that they are sharing means that some, even though it may only be a little bit, some of their pain has been given to me.  Given and accepted I might add.

So what do I do about it?  I need to accept that I will accept some of their pain.  I need to understand that this will affect me and that if I’m not careful and take on too much it will make me ill.  I need to continue to feel, but I must also remember to protect and that doesn’t always mean by using something physical like a necklace.  It means I must use some of my energy to protect me, it means asking for help from my ‘ether fairies’ or my archer or my eagle (especially my eagle as he always appears in my meditations although it wasn’t until recently that I realised he was an eagle) or some of my friends.  I hate asking for help, but sometimes I must.  Today proved it.  I reached out for help and it was given freely and willingly just as I try to give my help out freely and willingly to my friends in need.  I need to remember that I’m not invincible.  I’m not tough.  I am vulnerable and I am soft.

So after thanking my friendly saviour today and taking a breath of fresh air outside, I know that to share is ok and that it works both ways!!

BATH VERSUS SHOWER, YOU CHOOSE

Hiya!

My previous home of 10 years didn't have a shower and, so, when we moved to this house, I wanted one.  Partly because my son prefers showers to baths and partly because.....well, I wanted one!  So bath moved from one side of the bathroom to the other so that a shower could be put in over it giving us the choice (we have a sloping ceiling and the shower just wouldn't fit in where the bath originally was).

Now I know that there are many people out there who swear by their showers, love them, adore them, wouldn't wash any other way, but to be honest I'm not one of them.  I like my shower, don't get me wrong, but to me it's the quick option.  It's the 'eeek, I need to get out of the house in 5 mins' or the 'I'm hot and bothered and need to cool off' option.  It's the rush, lack of time, quick option which holds no joy to me at all.  I love my bath!

My bath gives me that 1/2 hour plus of me time.  It gives me that 'pamper' time.  It gives me that 'time to laze in hot water and meditate on the day' time.  I really do love my bath time.  Sometimes it is just a get in, wash, get out bath with maybe a mini laze to start with.  Sometimes it's a laze in hot water and read a book before having a wash and sometimes it's candles only, lots of bubbles and a total laze in hot water.

My point is that when I have my bath, I'm relaxed, I'm chilled, I get out clean and refreshed both physically and mentally.  When I have a shower, I get out clean, but I still feel harassed, still feel rushed, still feel like it's go, go, go!

There is nothing wrong with this, it has its place, but I'm sorry, give me a bath any day!!

How about you?

HOW DO PEOPLE DO IT?

Hi all, after a very off/on, off/on weekend with the poorly bug and other half being at home for past 4 days, today was 'back to normal'.  Well, it was supposed to be, but it didn't quite turn out that way.

Woke up and enjoyed the lovely peace and quiet of no Radio 5 Live blaring from the kitchen and no teenager up yet, so a couple of very leisurely, very calm cups of tea were taken before I decided to start the day.

Then the computer awaited me.  The dreaded finance time; check bank account against spreadsheet, pay bills, move money around from one account to another and then see how much was left for the month.  EEEEEK!!!  Skint, again and I've only just started.  I've got the grand sum of £29 to last me the month, yep the whole month!  Admittedly I shouldn't have any shopping to buy, but I'm going to Brighton tomorrow and I wanted to stock up on some unusual bits from Infinity Foods (different pastas, flours and the like).  I have also paid for osteopath, all the household bills, Callum's trampolining lessons and set aside some money for holiday, but really, £29!!!  I say again, EEEEEEEK!

So what else today.  Well, after having realised the cash flow problem, I thought I'd better get out in the kitchen and get some food cooked for tomorrow's jaunt as buying bits is out of the question apart from aforementioned Infinity Food shop.  So gluten free rolls made, butter bean and red pepper 'burgers' also made, broccoli hot dip made but not cooked ready for return tomorrow night which I can have with some tortillas and/or veggie crudites and I made a version of an apple sauce cake using the orchard fruit butter that I made ages ago and was beginning to look a bit, how shall we say, in need of using up quickly.  I did a bit of  bottom of fridge foraging and found I have enough veggies to add to the bean sprouts that I have to make a prawn stir fry tonight, so not a bad afternoon's cooking, but, boy, did my hip hurt after doing all that standing.

Then, on looking around, I thought I'd better hoover through and change the mats and dog beds as they were looking a bit grim.

So, by that time it was rather late and so no home ed was done.  Callum didn't mind as he was happily playing on his new XBox game.  Not exactly brilliant though is it?

Anyway, my reason for the title?  I have a reasonable large kitchen, but during my furious cookathon my kitchen ended up looking like this:

And that was only one side of it.  The other side was full of washing up!!  I seriously don't know how people do it in a small kitchen.

Cya

FEELING BLURGH

Ok, I'm now officially sick of feeling sick!

Felt a little queasy on Wednesday whilst I was out but put it down to lack of proper eating and drinking.  Was snacking on rather lovely things whilst looking at rather lovely things in shops in Brighton with Carol.  Got home, tired, but felt fine.

Then woke up yesterday feeling sick, dizzy and achy. Not a happy bunny as I can cope with pretty much anything poorly that me body can throw at me apart from feeling sick!  (Ok, migraine will knock me out, but in general I can cope with headaches, etc.)  It's one of those things where you want to do something about it, but every time you either eat something, drink something or possibly take something, you know it's going to make you feel sicker!  Grrrr.  So it was nibble here and there, drink here and there and fall asleep on sofa once and for rather a long time.

Oh well, hoped to feel better today, but NOOOOOOOO!!!!  Woke up feeling good, but then after having a cuppa and a couple of slices of gf toast, I felt sick again!  Been like it off and on all day and interspersed with that lovely queasy feeling, I've been feeling dizzy!  Don't know what it is, but wish it would go away!

Must admit, just watched the news and the Queen is suffering from gastro enteritis, so maybe I'm coming out in sympathy for the old girl.

Apart from that I've had rather a good time this week, plenty of chats with friends and a pretty good selection of TV to watch, a grand day out with another one due next week and a new book series to read.

However, no knitting as wrist is killing me (appointment made with docs in a couple of weeks!!!) and having been to osteopath, it hasn't improved; hence the doc appointment in case it's something a little more than strained muscles.

Had a 'surprise' couple of days with the other half being off - announce on Sunday last.  Pfft, great.  He's taken over kitchen and washing machine and totally buggered up the routine, but at least we had a lift today to hairdressers and shopping has now been done, so we have cupboards restocked and I'm not reduced to scrapping the bottom of the fridge for food for me.

Hoping to get some cooking done over weekend for the freezer, so I've got some quick meals in.  It took me just over 30 mins tonight to cook home made potato curry, rice and my own quick recipe of peshwari nan.  It took him 2 hours to cook burger and chips!!!  I admit his chips are from scratch, but the burgers aren't.  It never ceases to amaze me how long it takes him to cook something.

Hey ho!  Hopefully feel better tomorrow for my day in the kitchen, if I can kick him out of it that it, so I'll say cya later folks.

Cya

WEIRD DREAM ALERT

Had the weirdest of dreams last night.  Not totally sure what it was all about, but Callum and I were on the run from a bunch of people who wanted to steal my baby (I, apparently was pregnant, although in my dream I kept telling them I couldn't be and that I'd eaten too much at Christmas and was fat).  They kept telling me I was carrying an alien!!!!!

We ended up in LAS VEGAS(?) which wasn't surrounded by sand, but was surrounded by water!!  But Callum spotted the men in a car and we legged it to the nearest railway station which happened to be freight only.  The trains were huge in height, at least the size of a house and were carrying 20ft long Christmas trees covered in snow!  There were huge cranes loading the trees and Callum suggested we climb up the ladders on the side of the train and hide in amongst the trunks.

The next bit I can remember, we were on a caravan type site, but they weren't caravans they were mobile homes.  We had a small room in a hall like place (there was a long corridor with rooms off of it).  I said I was going to the shop for supplies.  However, when I got to the shop it was empty apart from one guy behind the counter and one member of staff stacking shelves.  I knew that there was something wrong with them and said,
"I know what you are"
The guy behind the counter replied,
"That's ok, we know what you are and what you have."

I realised the guys were vampires (of all things), but before I could find out whether they were goodies or baddies, whether I was carrying an alien or something else or just fat, Callum woke me up with a cup of tea.

Weird, weird dream!

I can associate the being chased and the weird guys from Utopia, the Vampires from Being Human, the long hall with rooms of the side with an episode of Call the Midwife.  The pregnancy is obviously my daughter.  But Las Vegas being surrounded by water, the huge Christmas trees covered in snow, the huge trains and the alien baby, I have no idea about.

Any ideas or readers of dreams would be appreciated.

Cya

MOAN UP MONDAY!

Well hello peeps.

Today is dreary weather.  So much so that although I woke up at 7am, I didn't feel like getting up, so had a bit of a laze until 8am.  Callum wasn't up anyway, so no rush.  Had a lovely cuppa in peace apart from the dog wanting to, stupidly in my opinion, go outside.  He didn't do anything, just stood at the bottom of the steps and stared into the garden.  Bearing in mind it was snowing and very wet, I thought he was a bit of an idiot.

Once Callum was up and we'd had our usual cuppa and discussion of the day he went off for a shower and I got on prepping for the day.  Magnets still (see other blog - Callum's World).

Tonight I'm slightly peeved with other half (what a surprise).  He's come home, as usual of course, looked at the dog who is wagging his tail and said "you don't want to go out in this do you?" and promptly not taken him out!!!  What is annoying is that he's getting worse at taking him out.   If we knew in advance when he wouldn't take him Callum and myself would attempt to squeeze in a walk during the day.  But when we've suggested taking over before, he's moaned as he says he likes taking out HIS dog as it gives him wind down time.  However, it does appear that this is becoming more of an effort for him to do.  Might have to sort out a rota for dog walking.  Some days are pretty impossible for us to take him out and others are really easy, so it may be a case of saying when we can do it and when he should do it.  It really isn't fair on the dog though and, although I'm not trying to make excuses, it's easier for Phil at this time of year in the evening that it is for us as he drives and we don't.  To get anyway after the knowledge of 'no walk today dog', it's often getting dark and it would definitely be dark by the time Callum and myself got anywhere suitable.  Hence the reason I'd like to know in advance.  Anyway, moan over.  Said yesterday that the 'no moaning' wouldn't last.

Tonight I plan to get on with the knitting and sort out pancake mixture for tomorrow.  Don't forget it's Pancake Day folks.

Cya

AHEM! HELLO, TESTING, TESTING, ONE, TWO, THREE

Well hello there.  Yes I am still alive.  I'm also pretty damn fine too.  Don't really know what has happened to this blog.  I've been doing my son's one, Callum's World, but not this one.  Think I've been a bit too tied up with Facebook, Summer, then Autumn, Halloween, Christmas, New Year, new news....oh you get the picture.

Anyway enough of this rubbish.  2013 is my 50th year in case you didn't know.  I've decided that I'm not going to wallow like some people might in the old "I'm getting old, look at the wrinkles and grey hair!" syndrome.  I'm going to embrace getting older and I'm actually finding it rather liberating.  I'm no longer young and that means I no longer feel the need to impress people, so go stuff it if you don't like it.  My children are getting older; actually my daughter is a full blown adult and about to be a parent herself (more about that later) and my son is reaching 14, so a teenager and therefore, theoretically, able to be left by himself and be responsible a bit more and is probably able to answer his dad back if said dad starts to piss him off.  Therefore, I can start getting back a life, my life, an independant life!  Woo hoo!

So plans? I've been looking at jobs.  I need some extra cash and although Body Shop At Home earns me a few pennies to go out for a drink with, it isn't substantial and, to be honest, isn't really what I want to do with my life.  I enjoy it, but I'm not passionate about it.  So I've been looking elsewhere.  However, I want something I enjoy, I want something I can do from home and I want something that is, at least for the most part, mine!  Options = my own business or writing a book.  My own business could be difficult as I have no idea what I want to do a business in.  I enjoy baking, but that's it, I enjoy it, I don't love it.  I don't want it to become a chore, I want to still enjoy it.  I enjoy knitting, but I'm slow at it and I get bored with it really easily as I do with most craft things, so that's out.  I do, however, love making chutneys and pickles.  I don't enjoy making jam!  So I could do something involving a farmers market, but it would probably end up seasonal, but that isn't a bad idea.  I also love writing, don't ask me why, but then I love talking, haha.  If I could get paid to meet people and talk, I'd be fine, but I can't think of anything that would let me do that, so writing will have to do.  So I'm back on the novel writing; determined to finish at least one of them before the Summer.

I'm also determined to get my garden back on track.  It's not doing too bad, but I've got an issue with some broken fencing and that needs to be sorted.  I have a list of herbs and wild flowers that I want to plant for medicinal use and decorative, so I need to prioritise and get on with digging.

I want more tattoos!  Yep, I'm an old bird who wants tattoos, get used to it!  They, of course, require some cash, so we are back on to the 'how to make money' thing again.

So, priority list:
1.  Decide what I really love doing and schedule that in.  If I earn money from it, even better.
2.  Don't just talk about it, do it!
3.  Ring local Council and get someone down to inspect kitchen and tell me what I need to do to make it 'road worthy'.
4.  Find out who owns the broken fence, me or them, and get that sorted.
5.  Get out of the house more.  (I have a tendency to hibernate in Winter which isn't good for me)
6.  Meet more people (nothing like a bit of networking)
and last, but by no means least
7.  Stop damn well fretting all the time.  If it's meant to be, it will be.

There, 2013 plans listed.

And what has happened so far?
1.  We'll I'm not dying my hair, I'm now almost completely grey and I rather like it.  Lovely not to have to think about roots showing.
2.  Had new tattoo done:

3. Daughter is currently 21 weeks pregnant with 1st grandchild:

Don't know what sex it is as she didn't want to know.  Better that way, more of a surprise and you don't end up with loads of pink or loads of blue.
4.  New home ed timetable done.  It's actually not been followed strictly at all yet and probably won't be.  But no more trying to catch up and/or follow curriculum.  Completely stressful for both me and Callum, so not doing it.  We'll do what he enjoys, we'll have fun and we'll do practical stuff that will be useful for him in adult life like cooking and money and being able to use a washing machine.  You know, all that stuff that they DON'T teach you at school.  We will do some maths and english (well, he'll read books and we might do a review on them) and we'll do science because it's fun, but as to it all leading to exams - NO!  He can do them later when he feels he wants/needs to.

So that's a start.  First blog of the year and no real ranting; it won't last, the lack of ranting that is.  Am off to Facebook again and to do some research.

Cya